* * * SECRET RITUALS REVEALED FOR APRIL ONE * * *
of the CHURCH OF LAST LAUGH and FIRST CHURCH OF FUN (in Bay Area, USA)
as told by Church Founders
to Doctor Dave (David Oaks) <chrp@efn.org>
First, of course, would be.....
CHURCH OF LAST LAUGH....
Bishop Joey (aka Ed Holmes) of the San Francisco Mime Troupe is the long-time organizer of St. Stupid's Day Parade, which is having its 17th annual event Saturday, April One, 1995. (Ed also plays Lazlo Beandip, and is head of Church of Last Laugh, with April 1 the only and main holy day.)
Lots of news clippings confirm that literaly thousands have at times joined in this parade.
The Bishop agreed to share with us some of the rituals & chants, the "scared material" of this historic event. Perhaps it may cross pollinate and spread... and in 1996? Who knows what will happen.
Some of this may be warped by inaccuracy, adding to the mystery:
THE PLEDGE:
"I pledge allegiance to the illusion and to the pyramid scheme for which it stands. One species, one nation, in denial, with error and excess by all."
SOME RITUALS
** SOCK EXCHANGE:
Usually outside the stock exchange. Throws those socks in the air and exchange....
** LEAP OF FAITH
Close eyes, on count of three all jump up, having faith Earth will be there when you land.
** at BANKS:
Throw pennies at them.
Hold the blessing of the bankers heart (often held near a big piece of black cold granite ugly statue).
** at INSURANCE COMPANIES:
Flip them off.
** at FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS IN GENERAL
Parade rest. (Lie on ground for a few seconds). Financial institutions are a high holy space for this event.
at "STATIONS"
Knock at obviously unihabitated anything, asking for St. Stupid.
** SECRET HANDSHAKE
This is the "high four." You jump up to slap hands, but your thumb is tucked over your palm. So your hands collide thumb to thumb, then you say, "Ouch! We've got to change that!"
CHANTS and SAYINGS:
"So far, so what?"
"Closer you are the nearer you get."
"If it's the truth, it's funny."
"Wise up, it's later than we think."
"Remember, don't forget to.... no wait, that's, don't forget to, remember.... no, no... it's forget to remember to... no..."
"Artraud minus Chuck Berry is Iggy Pop!"
"What is Ben Franklin doing in Washington Square Park?"
"We are a snack religion."
"I know, I know, but you know you never know."
ST. STUPID...
Looks like a pointy head cartoon with lopsided grin and a broken halo that fell over pointy head (so it looks like one of those cartoon images of a person just hit in head).
... is patron saint of Parking Meters.
PARABLE (told by young child, actually)
"Who oh why does luck never last?" the student asked the wise fool. The wise fool responded, "Unluck never lasts. What's your problem?"
MISC.
Blessings, miracles, free lunch, testimony. This is not conceptual art. It's just stupid.
CUNNING SECRET STRATEGY
"We play with the people," says Bishop Joey. Usually they are -- of course -- on a weekday, in middle of financial district. "The idea is not to be aggressive and attack the business people down there but to have fun with them, to amuse them and ourselves, poke some fun at the institutions, the buildings themselves, not the people."
and
"World domination by next August, that's as far as our calendar goes."
-----------------------------------
FIRST CHURCH OF FUN
This is Wavy Gravy's church, and this April One will be the 20th Anniversary. Because Wavy is in New Paltz, NY on a gig, of all things, he can't make it to Berkeley, USA for his own high holy day!
So perhaps you can at least do some of these basics on April One to keep the First Church of Fun alive!
But of course they'd skip their own 20th anniversary!
(Then again, maybe they'll surprise us all.)
More on this ritual is found in Wavy's great book, "Something Good for a Change."
SECRET HANDSHAKE
Turn your butts to each other. Bend down. See each other's faces. Shake hands. Say loudly, "Now no one can read our lips!"
HUMAN KAZOO
This can be done at all times. Wavy often issues paper bags to children in hospital (he works lots with such, having disability himself -- and he also helps run Camp Winarainbow).
Get the correct fitting paper bag for your head, so you have a nice snug fit.
Put on over your head.
Do a really loud raspberry.... PHHHTHTHTHHHHHTHTHHTHTHT!!!!!!!!
The whole bag vibrates -- a sacred experience, easily accessible at all times!
MOONING OF THE SUN
Bunch of folks moon the sun. You can use a heat lamp if needed. Clown with a pie runs around to make sure there's no one trying to grab a look at folks bare asses.
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And from Vanouver, Canada? Their event April 1, 1995 will be the 14th annual. Stay tuned... The highly recommend getting in touch with West Coast Cacaophy societies, such as in Seattle and L.A. for year-round absurdist adventures.
And, from the Church of the SubGenius? Ivan Stang is on the HealNorm List, perhaps a few secret rituals from their new holy book, Revelation X, will assist..
Stay tuned to HEALNORM list. To subscribe, if you're not on already, e-mail to MAJORDOMO@efn.org with just these words in message
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