Suicide Chump Sonnet

From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)

Twas rescued by saddened neighbors call for help,
In thus my blunder, I was not still'd:
herein my tale; which ended in a yelp.
With life's depression, ere I be self-kill'd.
That exit of this mortal plane,
Which saddens me that failed my corpse to rest;
To be upon the mind to slay that which is me,
I take ten asprin thrice and a whisky ten for one;
Ten times I choke on the carpet of my car,
In the garage and monoxide carbon sea:
My foot on the accelerator, my head disengaging park,
Through the door in reverse, so bogus!
The neighbor's dog, art much out of luck
It met death's conquest beneath my Ford Focus.

From: baloneyyoni@aol.com (BaloneyYoni)

My ass grows old, my beer no more cold,
So long to youth and of my final date;
But when in foul time's furrow'd brow I grow bold,
Then look I death my days should expiate.
To a razor I dost run to start the bleed
My vein opened like tears from my heart,
In hope my breath doth give out eternally:
How can I snuff it so quick and painless?
O, immolation of myself so bloodily
As I, not for myself, for I am such an anus;
Tearing thy flesh, which I seek to slough off
As a tender butcher cuts so heinous.
Presume not my heart is slain so easily;
For the only blade I could find was a Gilette Mach 3.

From: baloneyyoni@aol.com (BaloneyYoni)

ooops... "Tearing thy flesh, which I seek to slough off" should read "Tearing
MY flesh, which I seek to slough off"..

Humor is never funny when you fuck it up.

Sorry.

From: zosodada@aol.com (Zosodada)

If I survive this damned demented day,
To bring my Death to my bones so Earth be my cover,
And viewing my life once more I re-survey'd
These poor rude lines of my suicide not yet over,
By Fire or Water did I find my dying time,
Or with drowning gasps for Air in the Sewer?
Mark my words of thus in such tragic rhyme,
And if thee feign to do as I I'm failing so much.
Ye then recall this utter failure of Death I've brought:
Had my morbid Muse groan'd with this growing page,
Macabre mirth gave way to my maddening thought,
Time is my method for which my life I do end:
"My Will is my Method to die shall I prove,
I'll hold my breath till I'm dead, I won't eat, I won't move!"

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Original file name: Suicide Chump Sonnet - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:36