Although Jones' favorite dish was wino vomit garnished with cockroach
paste and stuffed into petrified mammoth testicles, he decided that
tonight he would eat nine pounds of impacted fecal matter extracted
from the heaving bowels of an overweight, dying hydroencephalic Las
Vegas poker dealer. Lying on his semi-inflated life raft, floating in
his swimming pool filled with blood, cum, piss and real real real
runny shit that had a lot of partially digested corn and green beans
in it, Jones pondered his next move. He decided that, rather than
buttfuck a gelatinous mound of whale sperm mixed with camel snot, he
would simply fistfuck a dead sea cow and lick the resultant vaginal
spum off his well-lubricated arm. As he contemplated this highly
exciting prospect and got a hard-on at the same time, his portable
phone rang suddenly. He answered it and it was his next door
neighbor, who was a Southern Baptist preacher named Smyth. "Are you
going to church with me today, my friend," said Smyth, hopefully.
"Fuck your goddam asshole ragged with a tar-soaked telephone pole
that has been liberally studded with bent, rusy nails you
shit-begrimed living example of a chancre fucking retard," answered
Jones. Before Smyth had a chance to react, Jones had activated the
machinery beneath his house that was designed to dig under Smyth's
house and release a flood of his swimming pool contents into the
distraught preacher's living room. But suddenly, as the stream of
aromatic shit, saliva, snot, buttfucked piss and sea cow vaginal spum
squirted all over the poor Baptist preacher, he all of a sudden
developed a craving to sit in the middle of the stream and jack off
while imagining being shit upon by the entire boy's choir of his
parish. As his excitement mounted, who should happen upon the
masturbating preacher but the entire boy's choir, except they had all
been killed in a bus crash that morning and it was right by this
radiation experiment place and the radiation got out and mixed with
their genes and made them all into living dead zombies that had a
craving for Baptist preacher rectum. Smyth screamed as the zombies
slowly wiped the delicious layer of excrement off his head and turned
him over so they could buttfuck him with an industrial sized ground
auger. As the slowly rotating drill bit was forcibly inserted into
the preachers distended asshole, the pain was such that he was going
to pass out but they injected eighty hundred grams of crystal
methedrine into his testicles so he couldn't pass out and then they
started to skin him alive and eat his flesh while his wife was tied
up on the other side of the room and had her eyelids surgically
removed and her head in a vice so she couldn't turn away and had to
watch as her husband was slowly skinned alive while being buttfucked
by a drill wielded by a bunch of zombie kids. But then she got real
turned on and suddenly wished Jones would come over and fuck her in
her not yet healed appendectomy slit and amazingly he actually came
over right then and did it. And then Channel 7 showed up and put it
all on the six o-clock news and almost everybody in the whole town
jacked off when they saw it.
The End
Original file name: Somber Dries the Hoover Year
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