To alt.slack
I submit for your review two versions of a play I am attemptin to
market (hopefully on Broadway). I would appreciate any and all
comments on which play each of you prefers and why. Thank you
in advance for your valuable time.
Rev. Sternodox
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"Death of All Hope"
A one-act play by Rev. Sternodox
The Scene: An overweight white man sits in a worn Barcalounger,
gripping a can of Schlitz and staring at an ancient black and white
television set. A Confederate flag hangs on one wall. A small
aquarium, its aquatic occupants all dead, hums noisily in one corner.
It's 7:30 pm and the man is patiently waiting for the commercials to
end, so he can watch his favorite television program.
The commercials end.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: "Due to unexpected programming difficulties,
tonight's episode of "Daniel Boone" will not be seen. It will be
pre-empted by "The Flip Wilson Show." We sincerely hope that none of
our viewers will be inconvenienced by this change."
MAN: "Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!"
Dropping the beercan, the man gets up, methodically walks to a large
oaken cabinet, removes from the top drawer a loaded 38-calibre
revolver, places the barrel in his mouth, pulls the trigger and falls
to the floor dead, the back of his head a gaping red mess.
FLIP WILSON: "MY name's Geraldine, ya'll."
(canned laughter)
CURTAIN
*********************************************************************
"Up to the Neck in Pussy"
A one-act play by Rev. Sternodox von Keckhaver
The Scene: An trio of Satan-worshipping lesbian amputees sits in a
worn Barcalounger, shooting speed, poking Oscar Meyer weiners up each
other's butts and staring at an ancient black and white television
set. A dead redneck hangs by his scrotum from a hook in the ceiling.
A small pirannha-filled aquarium hums noisily in the corner, the
remains of the redneck's dick floating grimly on the surface of the
blood-stained water. It's 7:30 pm and the women are patiently waiting
for the commercials to end, so they can watch their favorite
television program.
The commercials end.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: "Due to unexpected programming difficulties,
tonight's episode of "Larry King, Live" will not be seen. It will be
pre-empted by "Championship Fishing." We sincerely hope that none of
our viewers will be inconvenienced by this change."
LESBIANS (in unison): "Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!"
Dropping the syringe, one of the lesbians gets up, methodically walks
to a large oaken cabinet, removes from the top drawer a plastic
baggie containing the amputated cock of another redneck, places the
cock in her mouth, turns to the other two and spits it at them in a
furious gesture of anger and contempt.
HOST: "Well, folks, tonight we're trying for a record smallmouth
bass."
(canned laughter)
CURTAIN
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From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
I thought the first one had nicer tits. But to be fair, Phil
Silvers was very believable in the second.
-Joe Newman
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From: ap944@lafn.org (Zoogz Rift)
Phil Silvers' tits look a lot like Alan Hale Jr.'s, don't you think?
--Zoogz
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Original file name: STERNO'S NEW PLAY!!!!!!!!!
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