For Immediate Release!
The SubGenius Foundation annouced the formation of SGTV, the SubGenius Television Network today.
Following the examples of Paramount and Warner Bros., SGTV will begin with one night of programming a week.
SGTV, however, will not contest for "Prime Time" viewership. "Our target audience is the SubGenius," said Public Relations Uber Reverend Ivan Stang. "They fear the light of day, as well as the Normal pap shown today. SGTV will begin its broadcast 'day' at midnight."
Starting off the daily schedule is The Mighty Muff-Diving Porno Rangers. A group of five studly and voluptuous teenaged SubGenii strive to protect threatened "adult" actors from geeky fans. Tonight's episode: the Rangers protect Angel Kelly from the Big Red Straps monster.
Following is Po'Buckers!, a rollicking hillbilly romp starring Janor Hypercleats and Sterno Keckhaver as part-time detectives and full-time fuck-ups! Tonight, Sterno pees his own ass when Janor's legs catch fire. Special Guest Star, Marie Osmond sings, "Told the Judge to Suck My Dick!" and is then "introduced" to the Face Fucking Bats.
The day's programming finishes with "Bob's" Science Theater 13013. Unsuspecting normals are fastened to their seats with Big Red Straps and forced to watch SubGenius Media Barrage videos until their heads explode.
The remaining time will be filled with SubGenius "infomercials" for services and products of interest to the SG audience, such as the Popeil combination automatic pocket Squid De-Beaker/Face Fucking Bat Sperm Antidote Pudding dispenser. Operators WILL be standing by to take your orders.
Call your local station and DEMAND that they affiliate themselves with the SubGenius Television Network.
* * * * *
Subject: SubG TV Network!
From: christuck@aol.com (ChrisTuck)
Date: 18 Feb 1995 14:42:26 -0500
For Immediate Release!
The SubGenius Foundation announces several more programs for the new SubGenius Television Network.
"Bob's" Victory Garden: sowing, cultivating and reaping of souls for fun and profit.
Meat Mr. Lizard, an entertaining children's show with Arnie, the big turquoise Utahraptor as the host. Special Guest Star Xuxa sings "Floppin' in a bag" and then is introduced to Janor. "Pull the lever, DOWN she goes!"
X-ist Men. Pay Per View special. Superheroes from another dimension come to Earth to rain agonizing death and distruction on a world without Slack.
Cooking with Connie. "Atsa some spicy meatball!" says "Bob". Parental Discretion Advised.
Atlantean Gladiators. SubGenius athletes battle to the death with opponents from False Cults. Premier episode features involuntary head Launchings of Scientologist drones from the Charles Whitman Memorial Tower in Austin, Texas.
Lizard King, Live! Public Affairs. The reincarnated spirit of Jim Morrison takes your calls. Special Guest Stars, the Jerky Boys, are disembowelled and strangled by their own intestines.
*********************************************************** * Slack is The Candle *
* "Bob" is The Flame *
* And WE are The MOTHS! *
*********************************************************** * Chris Tucker 27 Terrill Street * Karl Marx Is A Dead * * Rutland VT 05701-4157 USA * White Heterosexual *
* 802.775.6277 ChrisTuck@AOL.COM * Northern European Male * ***********************************************************
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