HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MERRY END-TIMES COLLAPSE OF ALL HUMAN CIVILIZATION!

Personally, as a 20 year veteran kook-watcher, and as a millenialist kook cult leader myself, I have been sorely disappointed in my fellow millenialist kooks. We were supposed to see epidemics of suicide by now, whole sects of idiots setting themselves on fire, not just this piddly smattering of Solar Temple/Heaven's Gate gun-jumpers. For that matter, where are the plagues, rains of frogs, showers of flaming meteors, etc.? When are the 7-headed, 10-crowned monsters going to rise out of the ocean? AFTER all the computers crash at midnight, but before the Sun goes out?

Friends, the Y2K bug will destroy the world of the Pinks IF THEY'RE LUCKY. It's a moot point to us saved SubGeniuses. End of the world? Been there, done that. (FOUR TIMES, in fact. We've had more practice than the Jehovah's Witnesses.) Sure, when the Microsoft junk fails, photosynthesis will cease, and the world will plunge into starvation. But "Bob" told us to always keep a year's supply of junk food and comic books hoarded away, and the Xists will be LEAVING this planet with us on 7-5-2000, so... WHAT, US WORRY?

Your old prayer partner Rev. Ivan Stang is ready! I may not have been WIFE-2K compliant, but by Gobbs, COMPUTERS I can UNDERSTAND, and ours have been running off solar panels, 'Frop exhalations and hamster-power since the X-Day Drill of '96 anyway. THIS WEBSITE WILL STILL BE HERE, EVEN IF THIS IS THE ONLY SERVER LEFT ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!! Even if your computer no longer works, at least you can rest assured in the knowledge that OURS is.

I notice, however, that nobody's worrying about the Y-10-BILLION-K bug. How do we get past The Big Crunch? That's what should be concerning SubGeniuses, not this minor technical glitch and stock market crash. We have eternal life... AS LONG AS THE UNIVERSE KEEPS EXPANDING, THAT IS! And even sooner... how do we deal with, say, the Y-7-Billion-K bug, when our Sun burns out? It may take a few million years for that to happen; we'll have time to prepare. But who's going to FIX that one? And when ALL universal form dissolves into entropy, expansion ceases and everything cools to inert nothingness for anoyther 14 billion years, and then it slowly starts to contract back down, ALL of the mass in the universe pulled back down into one infinitely tiny, infinitely hot singularity, until finally, when there's just TOO MUCH of everything inside that little bit of nothing, BAM!! -- it blows back up again... there's your Y-50-Billion-K ANTI-bug. What about THAT?!?

Regarding those people cowering in bunkers with hoards of food and guns, all 5 of them -- I think, if anything, they're under-reacting. We should all be panicing a LOT faster.

Hell, we still haven't eradicated the Y-ZERO-K bug!

But, as the Conspiracy world crumbles, WE, the "COCKROACHES IN THE RUBBLE," so to speak, shall be handed OUR big chance on a SILVER PLATTER! It will be the NEW BEGINNING for our race... a NEW OPPORTUNITY, a NEW AEON, a NEW JERUSALEM my friend... our own X-YEAR-ZERO!

HAPPY NEW REALITY!!!

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