sternodox@ditchthisaristotle.net (Lori Williams) sent bitwaves which read:
}All right you alt.slack.shitz and sundry JIT-BAGS. I want to go to the
}X-Day Drill this summer but I SURE AS HELL don't want to PAY for it. So,
}here's the deal. I want YOU ASSHOLES and SMEGMA FELCHERS to pay for it.
}What I need is a volunteer to coordinate the donation collections, make my
}plane reservations, send me the tickets, etc. I don't want to have to do
}ANYTHING except get on the plane, frop, ridicule Bobbies, et al. So who
}the hell is is gonna be? And I tell you what: If whomever volunteers
}doesn't get EVERYTHING RIGHT, I'm gonna soak a couple of dead sloths in
}creosote, torch 'em, and shove them BOTH up that person's FUDGE CANAL. As
}far as all the OTHER dipshitz here at alt.slack, you need to fork over AT
}LEAST $10 each, I figure, if this is gonna work out. I want this done
}RIGHT . . . and I want this done NOW!
}
}So, GET BUSY all you dead leech masturbators.
Dear Lori,
I can understand your frustration. While it's certainly preferable in
the minds of folks your age to have a date bring you, I assure you that
there is nothing wrong with attending by yourself. In fact there are
benefits! For one, you won't be stuck dancing with just your date! You
can whip off those frilly panties and ram your ass onto every stiff dick
in the place while screaming "PLAY DAT SONG AGIN, MASSAH BENNY!" You
might consider using a power stapler to secure your nutsack to the
bottoms of your feet and wearing a condom filled with fragments of razor
blades you've snipped up with tin shears. Superglue will help it to stay
in place while you practice firewalking on your aforementioned
foot-stapled balls, and the sparkles given off by the razor blade
fragments will look just darling in the flames. Besides, Nenslo asked
first, and he doesn't foam and twitch due to tertiary syphilis. He does
it because he WANTS TO. So, feel free to come with nobody at all except
your resident spirochete and yeast collections -- they're welcome too.
It's a difficult age, but it's also very rewarding, you seeping anal
pustule.
Yer favorite jiz fountain,
MISSAH CHICKABEE
PS: Don't forget to slam your superglued, razor blade condom'ed
wiggle-puppy in the car door TWENTY EIGHT TIMES, for that healthy glow
the natural way.
--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius
Real programmers don't use LISP.
Original file name: Re- The Sterno to X-day TraÉ
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