the following is an important message from the Reverend Doktor Jim Bob Warnke,Doktor of Forbidden Science(alias Uncle Satan),extremely high priest of the Church of Leisure Christ and the Saturday Saints (formerly the Stark Fist of Nyob'm Firsthand Church of Jesus Christ/Vampire) to all subgenii in these,the post-end times....
So you think you've been ripped off?You wonderin' what happened to X-Day?Fools!! Everything has occurred just as "Bob" said it would.The Mother Ship (along with its slightly less posh companion,the Mother-in-Law Ship)arrived precisely when scheduled.We were simply too drug-addled from all the X-Day Eve parties to notice when we were picked up.That's right...we were picked up!!You see...do you see?There's one thing Dobbs didn't tell us...the glories of Planet X are FAR TOO MUCH for even the standard subgenius to handle.So,in order to protect us,the Xists beamed us directly into an elaborate simulation that looks EXACTLY like the pathetically pink normal world that we all know and loathe.
While we are in transit to Planet X,you will notice that life is getting more and more slackful.
DO YOU HEAR ME?I said more and more slackful!!This is to prepare us for the glory to come.
Because,and I'm not just making this up as I go along,when we finally arrive on the new Homeworld,the slack will be so far beyond anything you can imagine being able to imagine that... well,you'll just have to wait and see for yourselves.
And how long will this journey take,you ask?Funny you should ask,considering that the answer depends on each and every one of you...That's right,brethren and sistren,the simulation will constantly push the envelope to see just how much slack you can handle.So when things go slackless for you,it's because you can't handle the level you're getting....That's right you bastards, you're holding the rest of us back!!!Now cut it the hell out!Open yourself up to the slack you're being handed on a silver platter so the rest of can get the hell off this wonderful ship and onto our even MORE wonderful new home.
--------- End forwarded message ----------
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