My Dear Ivan,
here on the Left Coast I have been besieged, as you should be less than surprised to hear, by whimpering Gimme"Bobs" all complaining about the post X-day world. To these I have the same reply; upon reflection I thought I would share with you this doctrinal rebuke to these poor wandering livestock, which I hereby humbly set before you:
Dear Seeker,
please calm yourself. It's not the end of the world (heh, heh). Although neither I nor any other SubGenius OWE you an
"explanation," there IS information at the SubSite. The OFFICIAL
line is a tissue of flapdoodle involving a misreading of the Launch Date as scrawled by "Bob" himself (on the back of an envelope?); allegedly, Stang read the year UPSIDE DOWN, so that the year 8,661 A.D. was
thought by the sacred Scribe to be 1998. This would have the effect
of giving the Church more time to accomplish its Mission.
Uh-huh...
However, I prefer to believe in the original prophecy, to wit: we are now in the New Aeon, the Rupture indeed took place
according to schedule (at 5:00 a.m. our time; were YOU awake?), in a
twinkling (of "Bob's" eye) the faithful, which I trust includes you, WERE caught up in the clouds in the so-called Saucers and returned in time for breakfast. All predicted changes ARE happening or WILL happen, but
NOT according to human standards of Time, but rather in accordance
with the movements, whether in epicycles or quanta, of the Cosmic
Clock (which may only be read by superhuman optic or other sensory organs).
A "religion" that could be completely comprehended and fully interpreted would be a toy, FIT to be encapsulated and folded up to
be put in one's pocket. But behold, WE shew you a MYSTERY.
Isn't it universally accepted that one of the few things we DO know about "the aliens" is that when they "abduct" you, they
ALWAYS put you back? That the abductees do not immediately remember
the details? What, in the name of Whitley Streiber, were you people expecting? Without springing for a Conspiracy psychiatrist, look back, recollect in tranquillity if you will, dare to disturb with a ripple
of self-inquiry the deep pool of your unconscious memory... Now
then! Are you SURE you can COMPLETELY account for your activities at
5:00 a.m. on July 5th, 1998?
There IS an alternate hypothesis, one so terrible that I hesitate to set it before you, Seeker; yet I shall. This hypothesis
is-- bear with me, now-- this hypothesis is that the promised
RUPTURE did NOT happen, for YOU...
For you were just too p i n k...
Happy Post-X Day!
Austerely Yours,
Dr. H. Owll
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