From: HellPope Huey <hphuey2000@my-deja.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 3:05 PM
Message-ID: <8dibl4$8ar$1@nnrp1.deja.com>
Hello, my name is HellPope Huey. I've been sober for 20 minutes. I'm
a keyboardist, a stun gun afficianado and a SubGenius.
I'm proud of my Church in the same way winos get proud. Its sort of a
"what else CAN they do to me?" scenario, in which you acknowledge your
otherness and seek to revel in it with those whose similarity to you
exists only in that you're all strange beyond fathoming in at least 4
chakrahs and have a disquieting group affection for dwarf porno.
As a SubGenius, when asked what you can do, you recite choice bits of
Church doctrine, recount Danny Kaye songs featuring your own added
obscene stanzas, walk about the room on your hands with your legs flung
over your shoulders and/or blow out an entire wall with a hand-held
weapon you crafted in your basement. Then you do an improbable,
double-jointed dance that makes the ladies feel queasy. The drag queens,
too.
You are a frighteningly good aim with a Wham-O Wrist Rocket. I once
shot the mole off a diarrheaic Baptist matron's neck at 80 feet. Boy,
she could sure holler.
You either have a marginally-justified ego the size of Deimos or high
technical skills spliced to an inferiority complex the size of Mars
proper. Or you may just suck, regardless, but that covers only 3 of us
so far.
You're no slut, but for the party's sake, you'll do a high kick that
gives the boys a tasteful shot of yer vag. Nothing's too good for Our
Altered Boys.
You have at least 3 versions of Dobbs pinned on, printed on or stuck
TO something. Extra points if its tattooed on ya.
You can have sex at up to 40 mph. Even faster if you're in a car
instead of on foot.
You know FAR more than is good for you, but its either all crammed
into your head like a bucket of rhino beetles, making you a functional
psychotic or you have it all on disks, scattered inaccessibly around the
room. "Random access" takes on an hallucinogenic futurity, somewhere
between Einstein & Carrot Top.
A long enough strand of your pubic hair can be used as a temporary fix
for a broken fan belt, with a 125-mile range, on average.
There's something about you that's just not "right." Thank God.
Now go ye, O Child of Dobbs, secure in the knowledge that there's a
better place than this. Its called Amsterdam.
HellPope Huey 14030675214$30$30$30PRABOB
The Church of the SubGenius IS the One True Head-Lopping,
Head-LAUNCHING, Carbon Monofilament Strand of ALL Religions.
"I Live In A Volcanic Caldera
and I'm Gonna Get A Tumor
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.