by Rev. Stang
From notes ranted to the Seattle devival, & Hour of Slack
Yesterday as I was getting ready to go to the airport, I was feeling bad. For NO REASON. Just that nameless dread and anxiety that comes over some SubGenii, probably just from living on Earth. And also I was feeling bad because some STRANGER on the internet newsgroup called "alt.slack" had been putting me down. This guy, who I don't even know, was calling me a "SELL OUT" because I had made some money off a SubGenius field trip to Amsterdam, and had smoked pot, and bragged about it. I know that ill thought out bleatings from the peanut gallery shouldn't bother me, but "Sell Out" is a pretty bad thing to call a Sacred Scribe, and, heck, I hear every sparrow that falls.
So there I was feeling like crap and having to go preach an uplifting devival. I needed a GOOD BOOK to read on the plane, to get my mind off my problems and set it right. And I looked over a bunch of books, and finally my eye fell upon... THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS. Why, I hadn't read that ol' thing in years. And I sat there on the plane reading this thing, which I wrote a lot OF, after Dobbs, 20 years ago... and I thought,
"THIS STUFF IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!
"If ONE PERSON was SANE ENOUGH to WRITE THIS, THEN THERE IS HOPE!!"
And that made me feel better. A LOT better. The stuff about the Conspiracy that is in that book is TRUE TRUE TRUE. And what it says about PINKS is TRUE, TRUE, TRUE!!! And then I thought -- "SELL OUT?? Yeah, I'm a SELL OUT for having ANY PATIENCE AT ALL with that PINK DUMB ASS that called me a SELL OUT! There's a WHOLE PAGE in THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS about guys like him and *I HAD FORGOTTEN*!!
"MAH GAWD, EVERY EXCUSE I WOULD EVER NEED WAS WRITTEN INTO THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS THIRTY YEARS AGO!!"
Friends, ONLY ONE RELIGION *KILLS* ONE OUT OF EVERY THREE BELIEVERS.
And I say, let's START with that DUMB ASS that called me a SELL OUT! Let's start with the pinched, cramped, frustrated, uptight SubGenii who refuse to ACT, who refuse to stick their own necks out in any way, but who then GRIPE and WHINE and WHEEDLE and NEEDLE from afar, from the safety of their hidden little anonymous homes.
My friends. If making my living preaching and selling the Word of "Bob" instead of working for the Conspiracy is SELLING OUT, then YES!! I am a sell out. (And incidentally, we are SOLD OUT of the black plain-Dobbshead T-shirts, PRAISE "BOB"!)
*IF* going with a bunch of SubGenii to Amsterdam and smoking the BEST FROP IN THE UNIVERSE while looking at Van Gogh's originals, WHILE converting twin Dutch hookers to Connie AND making $$ for "Bob," and all this for CHEAP, is SELLING OUT, then PUH-LEASE climb to the highest rooftop and CALL ME A SELL OUT! (By the way, we just SOLD OUT of THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, Praise Dobbs.)
And...
IF, *FINALLY,* GETTING A MODICUM OF *HAPPINESS, SLACK, MONEY, SEX, and HEALTH is SELLING OUT, then I PRAY THAT WE *ALL* SELL OUT, AND *SELL OUT SOON!!* PRAISE FUCKING GOD DAMN DOBBS!!
(followed by Little Fyodor introduction)
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Subject: Re: Stang Sells Out
From: hiway@uswest.net (Ben Allen)
On Sat, 22 Apr 2000 19:24:58 -0400, Rev. Ivan Stang <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
>From notes ranted at the Seattle devival
!
>
>IF, *FINALLY,* GETTING A MODICUM OF *HAPPINESS, SLACK, MONEY, SEX, and
>HEALTH is SELLING OUT, then I PRAY THAT WE *ALL* SELL OUT, AND *SELL
>OUT SOON!!* PRAISE FUCKING GOD DAMN DOBBS!!
Can't. No time for any of that. Too busy writing bad code. Lisp eats your
entire brain then replaces it with its own sick weirdness. What it does to
your higher cognitive functions is NOTHING compared to the stuff it sets up
where your lizard hindbrain used to be. What's worse, I've been getting this
strange desire to install some sort of antenna in the back of my skull. I
don't know what it's supposed to be for, but IT does, and I'm not sure I can
hold out against IT much longer.
--
Ben Allen, hiway@uswest.remove.this.net C-c ZZ
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Subject: Re: Stang Sells Out
From: "Alison Carter" <alliekatzen@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 24, 2000 12:37 AM
Message-ID: <vcQM4.3121$26.113805@typhoon2.gnilink.net>
"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:220420001924581853%stang@subgenius.com...
> From notes ranted at the Seattle devival
>
> Yesterday as I was getting ready to go to the airport, I was feeling
> bad. For NO REASON. Just that nameless dread and anxiety that comes
> over some SubGenii, probably just from living on Earth. And also I was
> feeling bad because some STRANGER on the internet newsgroup called
> "alt.slack" had been putting me down. This guy, who I don't even know,
> was calling me a "SELL OUT" because I had made some money off a
> SubGenius field trip to Amsterdam, and had smoked pot, and bragged
> about it. I know that ill thought out bleatings from the peanut gallery
> shouldn't bother me, but "Sell Out" is a pretty mean thing to call a
> Sacred Scribe, and, heck, I notice every sparrow that falls.
Many bobbies do not understand that being a Sacred Scribe still means that
you are a Being with Feelings. They will remain followers.
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
>
> *IF* going with a bunch of SubGenii to Amsterdam and smoking the BEST
> FROP IN THE UNIVERSE while looking at Van Gogh's originals, WHILE
> converting twin Dutch hookers to Connie AND making $$ for "Bob," AND
> doing all this for CHEAP, is SELLING OUT, then PUH-LEASE climb to the
> highest rooftop with your Walmart megaphone and CALL ME A SELL OUT! (By
> the way, we just SOLD OUT of THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, Praise Dobbs.)
>
> And...
>
> IF, *FINALLY,* GETTING A MODICUM OF *HAPPINESS, SLACK, MONEY, SEX, and
> HEALTH is SELLING OUT, then I PRAY THAT WE *ALL* SELL OUT, AND *SELL
> OUT SOON!!* PRAISE FUCKING GOD DAMN DOBBS!!
>
You go, bwah!
Ignore the jealous twits, Stanky, for they are but Bobbies. I met enough of
them at XX Day and they are full of more pathetic whining unrealized bitter
cynical overintellectual ABUSED SLACK POTENTIAL than any CIA OR FBI
EMPLOYEE.
These BOBBIES are POOR GUILT DRIVEN DEPRESSED JERKS who traded their Right
to Slack for the personality of a CIRCUS PEANUT:
PINK ON THE OUTSIDE AND NASTY ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!
Alliekatt the Wench
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Stang Sells Out
From: Nanogirl <nanogirl@my-deja.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 24, 2000 12:42 AM
Message-ID: <8e0jc0$evf$1@nnrp1.deja.com>
Eat the truth, chew it, swallow it, marinate in it. Spit out the lies,
and never look down at them.
Rev. Nanogirl
www.nanogirl.com
www.nanoindustries.com
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Stang Sells Out
From: cmiller@trellis.net (Carl Miller)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: cmiller@trellis.net
Date: Tue, Apr 25, 2000 7:41 PM
Message-ID: <00000325181320.OUI32.cmiller@trellis.net>
On April 24 2000, Dave Zeriger <twgs@ShellYeah.Org> wrote:
> My dad stole that line from your dad.
"My dad can kick your dad's brains out!"
"Nuh-uh, my dad doesn't have any!!"
------------------------
Subject: "Stang Sells Out"
From: Pope_Phil_Monty@ukdiuretics.com (Pope Phil Monty)
Worldwide reports suggest that all supplies of "Stang" have now run out.
in London, a spokesman for Harrods said "we've never known demand like it -
it beats Pokemon into the ground"
apparently, the last small amount of "Stang" will shortly be available on
e-bay
Phather Phil Monty el-Hajj
Anti-Pope of the North of England
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS
_________________________________
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webmaster@localhost abuse@localhost postmaster@localhost
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Subject: Re: "Stang Sells Out"
From: "Hemel hempstead" <bookplace@argonet.co.uk>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Apr 28, 2000 11:02 AM
Message-ID: <8ec98h$njo$1@lure.pipex.net>
I know where you can get bootleg "Stang". It's almost as good as the
official stuff, but could be dangerous to a small child. If you're not sure
if it's official "Stang", check the holographic label.
"Home Stanging is killing music."
Mickey O'Finn