Yeah, we love prank calls more than any other church, but BLASPHEMY is an
entirely different matter. "Joe from Tallahassee" made several gross
mischaracterizations of official church doctrine in his anonymous call to NPR.
For this reason, he must be hunted down and freed from his mortal chains, so
that he can explain himself to "Bob" in the hereafter ASAP. Any SubGenius that
can locate "Joe" and eliminate him, will receive eternal salvation plus a CASH
INCENTIVE! (We'll negotiate the price depending on how painful his death is.)
We would also appreciate some sort of memento for our museum. Say, a head or a
hand. (Any part would do, but a Blasphemer's tongue would be nice... just to
round out the collection.)
Joe, if you're reading this, you can make it a lot easier on yourself by
turning yourself in. We'll not only make it less painful and drawn out, we'll
put in a good word for you with the judge. Think about it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Church Contract on "Joe from Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 7, 1999 5:05 PM
Joe, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!
Only I can save you Joe. I am the one who has been wounded the most by
your actions, and the pain only makes me love you the more. Yes, I am a
masochist. Joe, please come to me, or at least send me your address so
that I can come to you.
And pay no attention to that stainless steel Joystick Thruster behind that
curtain ...
--
*** SLAK WARS - EPISODE 1:THE SUBGENIUS MENACE ***
XX-Day Militia Recruitment Un-Devival, April 30, 1999
The weirdest Devival that NEVER was!
Visit http://www.fridayjones.com for details SOON
Original file name: Church Contract on "Joe froŠ
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