"Joe's next, in Tallahassee"

From: Christopher Lee <clbundy@indy.net>

I was transcribing this for Quijibo, and figured I would post it for
your edification.

Ray: "Erin, thanks a lot for your call. Erin, joining us from Seattle.
Joe's next, in Tallahasee."

Joe: "Hey Ray. Clearly the parents were involved in this, in that they
aided and abetted their children into getting the information that got
them on this wayward path. They bought them the computer, the kids
didn't buy the computer, the kids went to the internet, unsupervised,
they got hooked up with this, what's called the Holocaustel sect, it was
on their links page before that was taken done. But the Holocaustel web
page is still up there on the internet, and it all talks about
exterminating the Normals and killing the Pinks, and it's a big thing
about Pipes and pipe bombs, and trisexuals, and this sort of stuff- any
parent would see it and know that it's bad news. And yet, you know with
bartenders, if they see someone that's drinking a lot, they can go ahead
and be liable for that. It seems to me that the parents clearly should
have the responsibilty when they get hooked up with these far-flung
cults. I mean, even the name- the Holocaustels, I mean doesn't that
tell you something? This is all part of that Church of the SubGenius
thing, which is a big deal about, you know, superior mutants and
supporting deviant behavior. And now we see the ultimate fruitition of
that, don't we? When people behave this way, the extreme behavior that
can come out of it, and people are responsible, it seems to me that the
parents have a clear responsibility in this regard."

Ray: "But I guess Joe, the question is where does it go, where do we
cross boundaries from simply feeling that they're responsible, deciding
that morally they're responsible, to where they can end up in court?"

Joe: "Well, society-wise, I think we have to kind of ask ourselves, are
entertainment and freedom of speech worth... you know, basically
getting people killed? This whole Holocaustel thing, they are - they're
still going full force! They still have their web pages up, they're
having a devival this weekend in Boston! Right this weekend! The
bodies aren't even cold in the graves, and they're having some big- what
they call a devival, Friday, I think it is, at some restaurant, the
Middle East or what not, and they celebrate this type of stuff, to them
it's funny! And and, people just stand by, and 'Oh well, we can't do
anything about that.' Well, if we can shut down , you know, KKK people
from wearing hoods, why can't we stop people who are advocating the same
type of behavior, which is lynching and killing people, from plying
their craft?"

"Ray": "Who wants to talk to Joe?"

"unknown authority": "Well, I'll respond in one way. Joe, you
obviously know a lot about some... this cult, and some of these things
you've been talking about than I do. I've never heard of these things
and it sounds horrifying, by your description. I'm not sure I know
enough to sort of concur on all your characterizations, but I do want to
say that I agree with you about this: I don't believe the First
Amendment, the right to freedom of speech, which is a very important
foundation of liberty in this country, but I don't believe that it means
that people bear no responsibility for the things that they say, the
things that they post on a website, the films and videos that they
produce, and the things that those productions might prompt someone else
to do. I don't think it's right morally to say they have no
responsibility, and I don't even think it's right legally to say they
have no responsibility. There's a very interesting case that's working
it's way toward the United States Supreme Court about the liability of a
um, a Boulder based publication that published a hit man manual that was
used by an assassin to kill a woman and her son, and I think that's
going to put before the court the very important question of whether the
first amendment means whether you have a right to speak, but an
altogether right to be free from the consequences of speaking. I don't
think that you do, and I don't think that the court will say that you
do."

Ray: "And Joe brought up a lot of different things, some of which I've
heard of, and some of which I haven't heard of, but.... um, the Church
of the SubGenius, um... there's not a lot of harm in them, and, uh,
it's more a joke than anything. It calls itself the world's only
admittedly for profit, non-tax deductible religion, and it's more a
spoof than anything else, but Joe, thanks for your call. We'll go next
to Steve, who's calling from Miami, Florida."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 7, 1999 11:24 AM
Message-ID: <19990507122415.24909.00000519@ng-fq1.aol.com>

This "Joe" guy is certainly out of control and needs to be EXTERMINATED. If the
Islamic Priests can put out contracts on blasphemers, then why can't subgenius
leaders to the same? I'm getting SICK of these double standards! I don't care
if "they" are monitoring this newsgroup and looking for reasons to get us in
trouble. Enough is ENOUGH!

By the power invested invested in me by "Bob" and the Subgenius Foundation, I
hereby pronounce "Joe" in Tallahassee as an official military target. Anyone
who can track him down and SMITE him in the name of "Bob" receives automatic
acceptance into Heaven. (Plus a tidy sum of cash, the amount of which we'll
negotiate depending on how painful his death is.)

Let's face it: They'll never start treating us a "real" religion until we start
acting like one. Let this be a BOLD STEP in that direction.

Release the hounds of Hell! Find Joe! Crush! Kill! Destroy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 7, 1999 11:33 AM
Message-ID: <19990507123323.24909.00000527@ng-fq1.aol.com>

One other detail: The person who responded after "joe" was a Federal Judge.
It's good to know that she agrees with "Joe" that free speech shouldn't mean a
free ride, and that people should be liable for actions that other idiots do
after hearing them speak (or watching their films, or reading their books). I
guess it's not a good time to invest in "The Catcher In the Rye" book
publishing... or most Hollywood films for that matter.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Christopher Lee <clbundy.pp@mail.indy.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: clbundy.pp@mail.indy.net
Date: Fri, May 7, 1999 10:30 PM
Message-ID: <3733AFDD.751B@mail.indy.net>

Let's face it, we can talk and talk about hunting this "Joe" down, the
same way we talk about exterminating *all* the Pinks, BUT THIS TIME
let's get the job done! How much did Khomeni plan to pay for a dead
Salmon Rushdie? Maybe we can't raise that much, but we can get started!
I've got a $5 price on this "Joe"'s head. Who's gonna match me? Papa
Joe, I think you and every other Joe in this Church can dig up $5 to
throw in on this. For that matter, all the Tallahassee Subs oughta
cough up $5 a piece too- he's besmirched your city, as well as your
religion! And if, by some coincidence, there are any SubGenii Joes in
Tallahassee, you're been thrice besmirched! So cough up a little bounty
money!

JOE'S NEXT!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, May 7, 1999 10:38 PM
Message-ID: <070519992038332752%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <19990507122415.24909.00000519@ng-fq1.aol.com>, Monsterwax
<monsterwax@aol.com> wrote:

>
> Let's face it: They'll never start treating us a "real" religion until we
> start
> acting like one. Let this be a BOLD STEP in that direction.
>
> Release the hounds of Hell! Find Joe! Crush! Kill! Destroy!

Uh, dude, everyone knows it's you. Legume spilled the beans early on.

But let it be noted that I never shy away when someone says "KILL ME!"
no matter how round-about or rationalized. Papa Joe, you get your wish.

In 21 days.

BWAH.

The Prophet Lilith
FEITCTAJ

--
Popess Lilith von Fraumench * http://come.to/p.lil
SEATTLE BEWARE--The Final SubGenius RE-Devival is COMING
May 28--On The Boards--Visit http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com for details
==== "What is Zen? Duh!" --me === "What is Tao? D'oh!" --Jesus ====
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, May 8, 1999 12:04 PM

Oh, I GET IT. Just because some other preacher who's JEALOUS of my HATE says I
did it, the ENTIRE CHRUCH is ready to CRUCIFY ME with NO TRIAL, NO DEFENSE- not
even asking me what I have to say about the matter. This is great. This is
America in the 90s. Thanks guys. (Is Ken Star in on this one too?)

Everyone knows Legume wants the Holocaustals all to himself. It wouldn't
surprise me if HE'S JOE from Tallahassee! Just think about it: Would I admitt I
was calling from Tallahassee, moreless mention my real first name, if I were
calling NPR to tattle on "Bob"? Of course not. Did I ever say I did it? Nope.
Yet LEGUME just seems to KNOW by some DIVINE INSPIRATION... The whole thing
STINKS of a frame up!

Would I put out a contract on myself? How stupid do think a subgenius can be?
I'll PROVE it to you: I'll match the $5 offer and RAISE it to $10! Now we're up
to at least $20 to KILL the real (and I emphasize REAL) "Joe from Tallahassee".
If "Joe" turns out to be Legume and "Tallahassee" turns out to be "Philly",
THEN SO BE IT!

I'm not saying it's Legume, mind you. I don't SQUEAL on other preachers, or
knowingly put out contracts to kill them, but if it turns out to be a preacher,
that's another matter altogether. Heck, it could be YOU Lillith. Since when
were you so HIGH and MIGHTY, and suddenly ABOVE SUSPICION? We all know you like
to put on costumes. You could just be playing a part, the AGENT PROVOCATEUR.
This could be just some sort of PUBLICITY STUNT for your upcoming Seattle
Devival.

Yes, I'm beginning to see it all clearly now: You CANCEL the BOSTON DEVIVAL out
of SPITE against FRIDAY (a straight woman who looks better in drag than you)
PLUS it forces the SubGs to have to go to SEATTLE to get their dose of Dobbs.
All the CONTROVERSY and BROUGHAHA only adds to your ticket sales. Never mind
that you cost the other preachers time and money- you make out like a BANDIT!

And Legume is probably in on it with you. Why sure, use HIM as the Narc to
throw us off the trail. But you made one MISTAKE. You showed your TRUE COLORS
when you quickly pointed the finger at me in your haste to turn the attention
away from yourself. A TRUE subgenius would have said "Papa Joe, it has been
suggested that you might have..." etc. etc., but NO! You when straight for the
throat! And you did so with that phony baloney west coast "we're all HIP to one
another" bullshit...

"DUDE- Everyone already KNOWS it's YOU! Legume Spilled the Beans!"

FUCK YOU! I don't care if this IS a CHURCH, it's STILL AMERICA! No one, not
even the "Great Popeth Lillith" can try me, convict me, and line me up for
certain DEATH without so much as asking how I plead. Your RUSH TO JUDGEMENT
speaks VOLUMES. If anyone is obviously part of this CONSPIRACY, it's YOU!

I forgot that I can point my gnarly finger at YOU just as fast as you can point
yours at ME. "Spilled the beans..." You make me SICK! I eat those beans and
FART THEM in YOUR DIRECTION!

I suppose I don't need to come to Seattle for the Devival either, since LEGUME
will do all my preaching for me! I'll just get a tracheotomy, insert a speaker
in the hole in my throat, and let LEGUME'S voice replace mine. Then I can just
LIP SYNC whatever he has to say. Would that help expedite my conviction?

Did I say $10? I'll make it $20! That'll bring the reward for Joe's head (or
"heads") to $40! Who's with me on this? It's time for a PURGE of PINKNESS from
our Great Church! Let the streets bleed crimson with our just cause! Let the
FBI informants and PINK 5th columists DIE for "Bob". He cannot take us to the
promised planet as long as we break bread with his enemies. DEATH to the
TRAITORS! KILL THEM ALL! EAYHHAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, May 8, 1999 1:26 PM
Message-ID: <080519991126252315%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

Damn. If I knew you posted this to alt.slack as well as privately, I
would've saved my response. No point in trying to re-create that,
though. It was a moment to savor and remember, not to rehash.

But we all love Papa Joe. Let's not forget that. If we give him a
really harsh spanking, it's because we CARE.

The Prophet Lilith

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: bmguth@mtco.com (Reverend AmphibiousAssault)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, May 8, 1999 1:21 PM

In article <19990508130455.10231.00000832@ng-fd1.aol.com>,
monsterwax@aol.com says...
> Oh, I GET IT. Just because some other preacher who's JEALOUS of my HATE says I
> did it, the ENTIRE CHRUCH is ready to CRUCIFY ME with NO TRIAL, NO DEFENSE- not
> even asking me what I have to say about the matter.

Y'know...no TRUE holocaustal would even question the moral correctness of
this.

> I suppose I don't need to come to Seattle for the Devival either, since LEGUME
> will do all my preaching for me! I'll just get a tracheotomy, insert a speaker
> in the hole in my throat, and let LEGUME'S voice replace mine. Then I can just
> LIP SYNC whatever he has to say. Would that help expedite my conviction?

I won't donate money for the contract on "Joe," but I'd be thrilled to
help finance this operation. Not that I want PapaJoe silenced, it would
just be WAY COOL to hear Legume's voice coming from his neck.

-Amph

--
Reverend AmphibiousAssault
Church of the Inevitable Revolution
"History Ends Right Now!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, May 8, 1999 2:05 PM
Message-ID: <19990508150502.07985.00000784@ng-cl1.aol.com>

Well allow me to HELP YOU then LILLITH, in the SPIRIT of Religious BROTHERHOOD,
much the way you were SO EAGER to HELP ME get BLAMED for the NPR mess. After
all, I wouldn't want to HIDE your precious e-mails from PUBLIC. So here's your
jolly little letter in it's entirety. (Now maybe you can return the favor and
post all the secret e-mails you sent Legume as you two plotted your little
scheme.)

P.S. FUCK YOU!

YOU WROTE:
>>
I had the distinct impression that, sometime around 5/8/99,
Monsterwax@aol.com said something like this:

>(Is Ken Star in on this one too?)

No, but Leo Buscaglia is trying to find a nice, comfortable barrel
for you. We all know you just need a little love, and we're going to
make sure you GET IT.

>Everyone knows Legume wants the Holocaustals all to himself.

"Everyone knows"? Do you honestly think Legume would WANT the
Holocaustals? Man, I *saw* what they looked like, and with a few
exceptions--present company, Strange, and the LLF--they looked JUST
AS PITIFUL AS THE IVANGELICALS. Some Superior Mutants, eh? But I
understand, you WANT disposable armies. But not Legume--he'd be happy
with a pistol in one hand and a beer in the other, and NO SubGeniuses
within shooting distance.

>Would I put out a contract on myself? How stupid do you think a subgenius can
>be?

Wassa matter, Joe? Skeered of a little DEATH all of a sudden?

>We all
>know you like to put on costumes.

...Says the man who's preaching threads would get him lots of
appreciative stares at any gay fetish bar....

>Yes, I'm beginning to see it all clearly now: You CANCEL the BOSTON DEVIVAL
>out of SPITE against FRIDAY (a straight woman who looks better in drag than
>you)

Now wait just a goddamn minute. Friday collects gay porn movies, and
you claim she's STRAIGHT? Well, maybe so, by your rationalizations.
And YOU are straight, too, of course. Why, there's no queerness about
you, Mr. Pink Polo Shirt & Black Nazi Uniform.

>PLUS it forces the SubGs to have to go to SEATTLE to get their dose of
>Dobbs. All the CONTROVERSY and BROUGHAHA only adds to your ticket sales.
>Never mind that you cost the other preachers time and money- you make out
>like a BANDIT!

Damn, you caught me out. I'm only trying to get money from those
SubGenii who'd STAY AT HOME upon hearing a devival's been cancelled,
instead of going out and RAISING HELL ANYHOW. I *need* more pathetic
dupes like that. You've read me like a book, Joe. You know my
secrets. Oh well, it's not like I wasn't going to TORTURE you to
death anyhow. I have a feeling you'll like it, though.

>And Legume is probably in on it with you.

Yep, and afterwards Goomey and I are going to dress up in flowery
prints and hire NAMBLA members to bring us more converts, just like
Mommy did.

>FUCK YOU! I don't care if this IS a CHURCH, it's STILL AMERICA! No one, not
>even the "Great Popeth Lillith" can try me, convict me, and line me up for
>certain DEATH without so much as asking how I plead.

You seem really certain about this "certain death" shit.

>Your RUSH TO JUDGEMENT
>speaks VOLUMES. If anyone is obviously part of this CONSPIRACY, it's YOU!

Poor lad seems to think he himself is *not* part of the
Conspiracy...! Is THIS how far our mighty Church has devolved, that
our mightiest ministers FORGET THEY'RE PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM
WE'RE TRYING TO SOLVE?

To paraphrase Dick Gregory, "The Pink is in your head." If you don't
kill the Pink Inside You first, Joe, WE WILL. Don't worry, I have a
gut feeling you'll *like* our methods....

>You forgot that I can point my gnarly finger at YOU just as fast as you can
>point yours at ME. "Spilled the beans..." You make me SICK! I eat those beans
>and FART THEM in YOUR DIRECTION!

And they come out smelling like roses, too! Incredible!

>I suppose I don't need to come to Seattle for the Devival either, since
>LEGUME will do all my preaching for me! I'll just get a tracheotomy, insert a
>speaker in the hole in my throat, and let LEGUME'S voice replace mine. Then I
>can just LIP SYNC whatever he has to say. Would that help expedite my
>conviction?

Nope, not one bit. You forget that this is the 90s--we've got
animatronics for that trick. That way, it doesn't matter if you are
living or dead, you're STILL a hot preacher.

>Did I say $10? I'll make it $20! That'll bring the reward for Joe's head (or
>"heads") to $40! Who's with me on this? It's time for a PURGE of PINKNESS
>from our Great Church! Let the streets bleed crimson with our just cause! Let
>the FBI informants and PINK 5th columists DIE for "Bob". He cannot take us to
>the promised planet as long as we break bread with his enemies. DEATH to the
>TRAITORS! KILL THEM ALL! EAYHHAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Just like Maxwell House, Joe. Just like Maxwell House.

And your last drop's coming up. In 20 days.

With love,

P.Lil

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, May 8, 1999 2:24 PM

Could this sudden "Let's all turn on Papa Joe" movement have ANYTHING to do
with me sticking up for Janor recently? (Boston Devival Debacle MY ASS! It was
all a set up.) You can believe Legume and Lillith if you want: Papa Joe is the
one who called the fuzz on us and THAT'S why he's dangerous. It's two against
one, so why even BOTHER asking me if it's true or not. But here's a word to the
wise: Never mention The Church's persona non grata.

I haven't seen a group feed on it's own hierarchy like this since Stalin.
Remember that photograph with "Uncle Joe" and his compatriots from the early
days? You know, that famous photo that the Communist party would routinely air
brush out whoever was the latest purge victim? It starts out with five people,
then four, then three... Finally, there is no one left in the picture except
Stalin himself.

Here, we have Stang and his anointed apostles. Suddenly, Sister Square
disappears, then Janor, then Papa Joe... How long before EVERYONE is missing
except Stang? Even "Bob's" smiling face on Stang's T-shirt isn't safe! Soon, it
will be STANG smoking the pipe! The 13th Mystery Apostle will turn out to be
Stang, as well the 12th, 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th...

And just what happens to those "cast out" by The Church? Do you think they're
allowed to gather their things and quietly leave? Not by a long shot. They know
too much. It's too dangerous to cut them loose. They might talk, or worse yet,
team up with The Con. Our loving Church can't afford to let such secrets fall
into the wrong hands. Just think about it: The off-shore bank accounts, the
ammo dump locations, the computer passwords... The negative publicity, the
legal consequences, not to mention civil law suits. No way, Jose. Once your "in
the inner-circle", there's no going back. They have a special place set aside
for you, my friends. Much like "The Village" in that old TV show The Prisoner.
Only Dobbstown is REAL, and more like a roach motel. Ex-Church chosen go in,
but they don't come out.

Why would I dare talk about this sort of thing openly, you ask? Well, it
doesn't seem to matter anymore does it? I'm already a marked man for whatever
reason. Maybe I didn't stroke Stang's ego enough while we were in Boston, or
maybe I made some crack that could be interpreted the wrong way. It takes very
little these days. Whatever it was, I'm guilty before I even know the charges.

But I might as well mention this little detail while I'm at it. I have various
safety deposit boxes that I've instructed should be opened if anything happens
to me, including "sudden disappearance". The contents of those boxes will be
made very public and copies of certain documents will find their way into the
hands of the authorities. (And then of course, there's the small matter of the
tapes.)

Now I'm not trying to make a threat of anything, but if I go down, I'm dragging
the entire Church with me. And that INCLUDES "Mr. Untouchable" himself, the
mighty self proclaimed official spokesperson of "Bob", Ivan (fucking holier
than thou) STANG. Yeah, YOU shithead! Remember that night we got drunk and you
bragged about where all the bodies were buried? I'm afraid I accidentally
forgot to turn off my voice activated tape recorder. Of course it was
unintentional. I meant to burn those tapes -honest- but I was in a hurry to
pack for the Boston show so I tossed them into the safety deposit box where
they would be safe until I got around to it. But you know how I
procrastinate...

So you better keep your bags packed and a jar of Vaseline handy, Mr. Bigshot.
Where you're going, you'll need to get down on your knees plenty- and I don't
mean to pray to "Bob".

And to the rest of you: Make up your own minds if you want to go down with the
ship or not. If I didn't have so much leftover swag to sell, I'd have BOLTED
this Church long before the Night of the Long Knives... As to Legume and
Lillith, know ye this: Today you come for me, but tomorrow, THEY come for YOU!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)

In article <MPG.119e3cababa38ac7989695@news.mtco.com>, bmguth@mtco.com
(Reverend AmphibiousAssault) wrote:

>
> I won't donate money for the contract on "Joe," but I'd be thrilled to
> help finance this operation. Not that I want PapaJoe silenced, it would
> just be WAY COOL to hear Legume's voice coming from his neck.

Naw, let's just sew Papa Joe's head onto Legume's shoulder.
There's room for BOTH heads on that bod.

--
*** SLAK WARS - EPISODE 1:THE SUBGENIUS MENACE ***
XX-Day Militia Recruitment Un-Devival, April 30, 1999
The weirdest Devival that NEVER was!
Visit http://www.fridayjones.com for details SOON
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)

In article <19990508150502.07985.00000784@ng-cl1.aol.com>,
monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax) wrote:

> Popess Lilith WROTE:
> >>

> >Yes, I'm beginning to see it all clearly now: You CANCEL the BOSTON DEVIVAL
> >out of SPITE against FRIDAY (a straight woman who looks better in drag than
> >you)
>
> Now wait just a goddamn minute. Friday collects gay porn movies, and
> you claim she's STRAIGHT? Well, maybe so, by your rationalizations.
> And YOU are straight, too, of course. Why, there's no queerness about
> you, Mr. Pink Polo Shirt & Black Nazi Uniform.

Isn't this the same Papa Joe who was slavering over my copy of "Coming
Dick-stractions"?
But hey, I like queers. They're fun. You can discuss guys with them all
you want without worrying about them poaching on your turf - unless, of
course, both of you are hitting on one bisexual.

> >FUCK YOU!

So, Lilith, are you going to take Papa Joe up on this offer, or what?

> >Did I say $10? I'll make it $20! That'll bring the reward for Joe's head (or
> >"heads") to $40! Who's with me on this? It's time for a PURGE of PINKNESS
> >from our Great Church! Let the streets bleed crimson with our just cause! Let
> >the FBI informants and PINK 5th columists DIE for "Bob". He cannot take us to
> >the promised planet as long as we break bread with his enemies. DEATH to the
> >TRAITORS! KILL THEM ALL! EAYHHAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
>
> Just like Maxwell House, Joe. Just like Maxwell House.
>
> And your last drop's coming up. In 20 days.

Heunh! You gonna make him SWALLOW, Lilith?
You're mean.

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 12:01 AM
Message-ID: <19990509010118.24372.00001259@ng122.aol.com>

So now the great Friday takes sides as well. Boy, you sure learn who your
friends are in this church QUICK once the chips are down. Doesn't it bother you
that you might be HELPING the very SOBs who torpedoed you little devival? I
thought you lost a lot of money. Or did you have something going on the side?
(Maybe a little kick back from City Hall perhaps?)

This conspiracy thing is starting to grow a LOT of tentacles! Lillith calls NPR
as "Joe from Tallahassee", Legume posts Alt.Slack with his "insider knowledge"
that it actually was PAPA "Joe from Tallahassee". Someone else in Florida
(maybe the editor to Head Lines) calls Ken Reeves and tells him the NPR call
was on the money (or am I getting blamed for THAT call too?). Friday makes
anonymous calls to Middle East and First Baptist Church to get the show
cancelled and KEEP it cancelled, all so I look like the big bad culprit. That
would explain why your number was always busy- you were probably on hold with
the Mayor's Office. And I suppose orchestrating this sordid little affair was
Stang himself. (Certainly it never would have happened without his blessing.)
What did he promise you Friday? What did he offer you to sell out a fellow
Holocaustal? Was it sex? Was it money? Was it money for Sex? Whatever it was,
you probably didn't even BLINK before nodding your head. So much for your
loyalty.

Well, I hope it was worth it. I'd hate to sell my reputation for any price, let
alone for cheap. But don't be surprised is Stang reneges on your deal. He has a
history of making all sorts of promises to his older preachers, then using
newer preachers to break those promises for him. You could call him a God-damn
renigger.

You two are MADE for each other Friday. And I hope you spawn together! The
combination would really be something. Stang's DECEPTION and your "I'm so
Innocent" looks. It would be one hellofa Omen Child.

I'd ask if anyone would DARE stand up for poor Papa Joe, but why bother? If
there were any TRUE yeti, you would have step forward on your own by now.

Pathetic. But at least I know the score. With friends like "Bob", who needs the
Conspiracy?
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 4:03 AM
Message-ID: <090519990203194218%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <19990508150502.07985.00000784@ng-cl1.aol.com>, Monsterwax
<monsterwax@aol.com> wrote:

> Well allow me to HELP YOU then LILLITH, in the SPIRIT of Religious
> BROTHERHOOD,
> much the way you were SO EAGER to HELP ME get BLAMED for the NPR mess. After
> all, I wouldn't want to HIDE your precious e-mails from PUBLIC. So here's your
> jolly little letter in it's entirety. (Now maybe you can return the favor and
> post all the secret e-mails you sent Legume as you two plotted your little
> scheme.)

Yeah, RIGHT. Painting your betters as heartless backstabbers is bad
enough. But I can't believe you stooped to re-editing my own goddamn
words to fit your sick little power play. That's pretty fucking low.

> P.S. FUCK YOU!

You're gonna need a few more nickels before THAT happens.

> YOU WROTE:
> >>
> I had the distinct impression that, sometime around 5/8/99,
> Monsterwax@aol.com said something like this:
>
> >(Is Ken Star in on this one too?)
>
> No, but Leo Buscaglia is trying to find a nice, comfortable barrel
> for you. We all know you just need a little love, and we're going to
> make sure you GET IT.

LEO BUSCAGLIA?!? Joe, Leo is *dead.* But it's good to know your sources.

(Side bar--In case you want to know why Papa Joe used this reference,
Buscaglia's current publisher is named SLACK Incorporated. It's an
"inside joke" reference to "the perversion of SubGenius ideals by the
Conspiracy," whatever the fuck that means.)

> >Everyone knows Legume wants the Holocaustals all to himself.
>
> "Everyone knows"? Do you honestly think Legume would WANT the
> Holocaustals? Man, I *saw* what they looked like, and with a few
> exceptions--present company, Strange, and the LLF--they looked JUST
> AS PITIFUL AS THE IVANGELICALS. Some Superior Mutants, eh? But I
> understand, you WANT disposable armies. But not Legume--he'd be happy
> with a pistol in one hand and a beer in the other, and NO SubGeniuses
> within shooting distance.

Funny, in *my* copy it says "AS PITIFUL AS THE PINKS." Otherwise, well,
DUH.

> >Would I put out a contract on myself? How stupid do you think a subgenius can
> >be?
>
> Wassa matter, Joe? Skeered of a little DEATH all of a sudden?

Yeah, I said that....

> >We all
> >know you like to put on costumes.
>
> ...Says the man who's preaching threads would get him lots of
> appreciative stares at any gay fetish bar....

But this ain't even my writing style. Ellipses BEFORE a sentence? At
least you noticed I use a period after final ellipses. How could've you
used "who's" instead of "whose," though? While I do sometimes use
sloppy grammar and spelling intentionally, for effect, I'd never
accidentally do anything that egrigious.

On the other hand, I guess "I" had a point.

HA! The truth comes out! We now have proof that Papa Joe is in cahoots
with Ken Reeves, both in being a censorious fjuckhead and in his social
agenda.

I said "Nigger Nazi Uniform." I knew it'd hurt his feelings. I didn't
know he'd change my words to fit his hidden agenda, though. It was a
shock at first, but... you know, I do believe Papa Joe *has* been
acting rather squishy-soft towards liberals and other Pinkos lately.

What hypocrisy. And he dares question MY integrity?!?

> >PLUS it forces the SubGs to have to go to SEATTLE to get their dose of
> >Dobbs. All the CONTROVERSY and BROUGHAHA only adds to your ticket sales.
> >Never mind that you cost the other preachers time and money- you make out
> >like a BANDIT!
>
> Damn, you caught me out. I'm only trying to get money from those
> SubGenii who'd STAY AT HOME upon hearing a devival's been cancelled,
> instead of going out and RAISING HELL ANYHOW. I *need* more pathetic
> dupes like that. You've read me like a book, Joe. You know my
> secrets. Oh well, it's not like I wasn't going to TORTURE you to
> death anyhow. I have a feeling you'll like it, though.

That's a really awkward place to insert "I *need* more pathetic dupes
like that," Joe. Just speaking from an editor's point of view.

> >And Legume is probably in on it with you.
>
> Yep, and afterwards Goomey and I are going to dress up in flowery
> prints and hire NAMBLA members to bring us more converts, just like
> Mommy did.

I'm not even sure I know what that sentence means. The original was,
"Yep, and afterwards Goomey and I are going to dress up in rubber suits
and hire NRA members to bring us more converts, just like you did."

Papa Joe, you *sure* you don't use drugs?

> >FUCK YOU! I don't care if this IS a CHURCH, it's STILL AMERICA! No one, not
> >even the "Great Popeth Lillith" can try me, convict me, and line me up for
> >certain DEATH without so much as asking how I plead.
>
> You seem really certain about this "certain death" shit.

I mean, when I killed "Bob," he killed me right back, so I *know* it
isn't that big of a deal. So, Papa Joe, what are you afraid of?

> >Your RUSH TO JUDGEMENT
> >speaks VOLUMES. If anyone is obviously part of this CONSPIRACY, it's YOU!
>
> Poor lad seems to think he himself is *not* part of the
> Conspiracy...! Is THIS how far our mighty Church has devolved, that
> our mightiest ministers FORGET THEY'RE PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM
> WE'RE TRYING TO SOLVE?
>
> To paraphrase Dick Gregory, "The Pink is in your head." If you don't
> kill the Pink Inside You first, Joe, WE WILL. Don't worry, I have a
> gut feeling you'll *like* our methods....

Who's this "WE," white man? "I WILL," Joe, "I WILL." I've got the tools
to do it with, too. Correctional Phrenology can do wonders for that
sort of thing.

Hey, anyone, do paranoids ever fabricate hard evidence for their
delusions? Just wondering....

> >You forgot that I can point my gnarly finger at YOU just as fast as you can
> >point yours at ME. "Spilled the beans..." You make me SICK! I eat those beans
> >and FART THEM in YOUR DIRECTION!
>
> And they come out smelling like roses, too! Incredible!

Well, yeah, I *did* write all that. What did you want from fart jokes?
Art?!?

> >I suppose I don't need to come to Seattle for the Devival either, since
> >LEGUME will do all my preaching for me! I'll just get a tracheotomy, insert a
> >speaker in the hole in my throat, and let LEGUME'S voice replace mine. Then I
> >can just LIP SYNC whatever he has to say. Would that help expedite my
> >conviction?
>
> Nope, not one bit. You forget that this is the 90s--we've got
> animatronics for that trick. That way, it doesn't matter if you are
> living or dead, you're STILL a hot preacher.

"living or dead"? "STILL a hot preacher"?!? Shit, talking about spin
control...!

"We substituted Papa Joe's regular hemlock with Folger's crystals.
Let's see if he can tell the difference...."

*THUD*

"Nope, guess not."

This goddamn traitorous paranoid misrepresentation has got to stop,
Joe. Take the responsibility like a mensch, before you do something
drastic.

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 8:45 AM

In article <19990509010118.24372.00001259@ng122.aol.com>,
monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax) wrote:

> So now the great Friday

If I was great, my Devival wouldn't have been shot out from under me.

> takes sides as well.

Yeah, and I thought I was taking your side to say that even IF you did this
stunt, it got a lot of publicity and Jesus will get lots of money from the
lawsuits - probably MORE than he would have gotten out of regular Devival
fees. Of course you, me and Legume are screwed, but so what?
"No matter who gets hurt, all that matters is that "Bob" makes money."

> Boy, you sure learn who your
> friends are in this church QUICK once the chips are down.

Ah. I see the problem.
PJM, I am not your friend. Stang is not your friend or mine. None of us
would have the slightest thing to do with each other were it not for the
forces of the CON all crushing us into the same corner. And even here, we
must scratch and bite at one another instead of the great faceless jelly
mass that is intent on squashing and digesting us.

I was never your friend, Papa Joe, and I never will be.

None of you will EVER be my friends.

Because, let's face it, I'm not WORTHY of your friendship.

I failed "Bob."

- Friday

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 8:48 AM

In article <MPG.119ef423bca6fd52989696@news.mtco.com>, bmguth@mtco.com
(Reverend AmphibiousAssault) wrote:

> In article <19990509010118.24372.00001259@ng122.aol.com>,
> monsterwax@aol.com says...
> > What did he promise you Friday? What did he offer you to sell out a fellow
> > Holocaustal?
>
> Did I miss something? Last I knew, Friday was an Ivangelical.

Strictly speaking, I'm a Hivecaustal.
I want to KILL all the humans and ENSLAVE all the SubGeniuses.
Humans just aren't GOOD ENOUGH to enslave, but ... to have Papa Joe's neck
under my boot for all eternity ... aaaa ..... to break that FINE Aryan ass
to my will .... yesssss ....

--
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 10:15 AM

Sister Decadence wrote:
>
> On Sun, 09 May 1999 02:03:19 -0700, Popess Lilith von Fraumench
> <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
> [snippd for brevity]
> >

> Once again I am watching my delicious Subgenii brethren/sistren
> fight against one another, instead of fighting the mediocretin-soaked
> planet we're stuck on. (For NOW!) it's exactly what those pink
> bastards want us to do.
>

Ah, but that's part of their plan.

To make us THINK that we should not be fighting with each other.

In reality, we SHOULD be fighting with each other.

But in SURREALITY, we SHOULD be fighting the midocretin-soaked
planet!

But then again, THAT TOO is part of their plan.

So the best bet is to kill them all.

But, on the other hand, I have five fingers and a thumb.

It's a genetic thing.

I'm thinking of having them removed.

----------
Is there a secret U.N. Elite Pakistani 7-11 Shock Troop Division
stationed beneath Grant's Tomb solely to protect John Dillingers'
magical penis from the forces of Elvis?

http://elohim.dogma.org/~phxclench/

------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, May 9, 1999 10:45 PM

LEGUME WROTE:
>>I've been meaning to do this for quite awhile. I resign as a member of the
Holocaustal faction of the Church of the SubGenius.<<

>>This has nothing to do with the Trencoat Mafia, or Papa Joe's "funny" stunt
that screwed me out of several hundred bucks (although implicating the church
in an ongoing murder investigation is FOOLISH in my opinion, akin to hanging
out the "Welcome" mat to folks who'd love to crush us).<<

So you're still pinning the blame on me, eh? Just 'cause my name is Joe and I'm
currently terrorizing Tallahassee, it HAS to be me! There are no other "Joes"
in this town, and nobody- like Lillith- would ever call up and LIE about their
NAME or their TOWN to make me look bad for their own self interests. Do you
think all subs are that STUPID?! (Don't answer that.)

>>It has to do with HATE. I don't HAVE any.<<

Little wonder. You used it all up on ME!

>>I'm a changed man, folks. I don't hate anyone anymore, it's not worth my
effort, and takes away my slack. I don't spend my nights brawling in bars and
alleys anymore, and I don't lock horns with Xtian fanatics in their
sanctums...I stay home with my wife, watching tv, and and scratching little
Guinea Pig tummies. I listen to Bob Dylan music while my guns rust quietly in
their holsters.<<

Actually, that sounds more like the effects of middle age.

>>Ivan, my friend, is there room at the table for one more Ivangelical? My bum

knee makes it hard for me to run, but I can still EAT PUSSY.<<

I suspect there is room UNDER the table. But I don't know if Ivan will let you
eat his pussy or not. (I don't WANT to know!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 12:17 AM

[[ This message was both posted and mailed: see
the "To," "Cc," and "Newsgroups" headers for details. ]]

In article <19990509010118.24372.00001259@ng122.aol.com>, Monsterwax
<monsterwax@aol.com> wrote:

> So now the great Friday takes sides as well. Boy, you sure learn who your
> friends are in this church QUICK once the chips are down. Doesn't it bother
> you that you might be HELPING the very SOBs who torpedoed you little devival?

But... but JOE...! Joe, we *want* to help you! Your self-destructive
impulses are being subliminated into a persecution complex only rivaled
by Magistra Batrix and Bob Black! Can't you see that we've only put a
boot up your ass for therapeutic purposes?

As Proverbs 18:9 put it, "One who is Slack in his work is brother to
one who destroys." In the name of The Broag, Joe, DON'T BE YOUR OWN
BROTHER RIGHT NOW.

> I
> thought you lost a lot of money. Or did you have something going on the side?
> (Maybe a little kick back from City Hall perhaps?)

You should talk, you little Reeves-rimming slo-mo-ho-mo-ho. I wonder
what political favor you were wrangling by trying to turn in Friday,
Stang, and Legume in one bash. Hope it was worth the smell.

> This conspiracy thing is starting to grow a LOT of tentacles! Lillith calls
> NPR as "Joe from Tallahassee",

I'm afraid my voice is a bit deeper than yours, Papa Joe.

> Someone else in Florida
> (maybe the editor to Head Lines) calls Ken Reeves and tells him the NPR call
> was on the money (or am I getting blamed for THAT call too?).

What call? We all know that's just the cover story. And DON'T you dare
drag my brother into this. For one thing, he's BIG.

> Friday makes
> anonymous calls to Middle East and First Baptist Church to get the show
> cancelled and KEEP it cancelled, all so I look like the big bad culprit. That
> would explain why your number was always busy- you were probably on hold with
> the Mayor's Office.

Councilman Reeves' office, you mean.

> And I suppose orchestrating this sordid little affair was
> Stang himself. (Certainly it never would have happened without his blessing.)

Supposing this was the case, you'd think that we never caught on from
Watergate, Iran/Contra, and the Lewinsky scandal. Plausible
deniability. Well, Stang ISN'T P.D.--ergo, he couldn't have known about
it. QED, muthafukkah.

> What did he promise you Friday? What did he offer you to sell out a fellow
> Holocaustal?

Jesus Fuck...! How's that for a clear-cut case of projection?

> Was it sex? Was it money? Was it money for Sex? Whatever it was,
> you probably didn't even BLINK before nodding your head. So much for your
> loyalty.

Uh. Even if this were the case, what exactly is your objection? Not
being able to split the take with Friday? Or getting spanked by
Kennie-Poo?

> Well, I hope it was worth it. I'd hate to sell my reputation for any price,
> let alone for cheap. But don't be surprised is Stang reneges on your deal.

Are you implying you were surprized? So this isn't just paranoia, it's
a psychotic fugue to boot.

Remind me to get you on tape once you're here in Seattle. We'll be
trading that recording for years. Dan Ashwander will be ashamed.

> He has a
> history of making all sorts of promises to his older preachers, then using
> newer preachers to break those promises for him. You could call him a God-damn
> renigger.

That's "ligger," Joe.

> You two are MADE for each other Friday. And I hope you spawn together! The
> combination would really be something. Stang's DECEPTION and your "I'm so
> Innocent" looks. It would be one hellofa Omen Child.

Stang's lack of a chin and Friday's spikes. Sounds like a chupacabra to
me. *I'd* get knocked up for one of those critters, especially once
they're trained.

> I'd ask if anyone would DARE stand up for poor Papa Joe, but why bother? If
> there were any TRUE yeti, you would have step forward on your own by now.

Aw, birdie Joe has a broken wing! That's so sad! Let's put it out of
its misery.

You choose. Death, or mungo-lungo.

> Pathetic. But at least I know the score.

PAPA JOE, 63... HIS GRASP OF REALITY, 3.

> With friends like "Bob", who needs the Conspiracy?

That's the first sensible thing you've said in days.

Man, I fear for you. I think you got janored by Reeves.

Seek help.

Your friend,

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 12:54 AM
Message-ID: <090519992254566668%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <MPG.119ef423bca6fd52989696@news.mtco.com>, Reverend
AmphibiousAssault <bmguth@mtco.com> wrote:

HA. Friday is an *independent woman.* She may like to abuse Stang, but
that doesn't mean she's not ready for the Harvest.

> Will someone PLEASE find out what Papa Joe is smoking, and send me some?

If only it were that sample. I think Papa Joe has mercury poisoning.
Either that, or he got attacked by a face-fucking bat and spilled half
the sperm antidote pudding.

KINDLY HUMOR HIM. He sees conspiracies everywhere, and is now claiming
he's on a pleasure saucer. Complete schizoid break with reality. Very
dangerous. Answer carefully if he asks whether you think he's a
repressed gay uniform fetishist. DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT SLIP HIM ANY
DRUGS. DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT SUCH THINGS. And whatever you do, keep him
far away from electric outlets. We'd hate to lose a fine preacher like
Papa Joe over a lampcord accident.

Thanks,

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 1:09 AM
Message-ID: <090519992309450212%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <37359470.3544723@news>, Sister Decadence
<decadence@subgenius.com> wrote:

> Okay, so WHY does there have to be BLAME and RESPONSIBILITY? Hell, I
> thought those ideas were PINK-inspired, not something we'd do to one
> another.

What am I to say? Papa Joe was the one offering a bounty on his own
head. Think he'd pay me if I turned him in to himself? Fuck no.

Well, sometimes the Pinks are right. Not very often, but now and then.

Besides, it's clear we're moving beyond blame and responsibility to
diagnosis and treatment. But he's feeling very lost and confused right
now, what with this "pleasure saucer" delusion, so he's going to resist
any attempt to help him. That means we've got to be firm. Sure, he may
wrestle against the straps as we stick the electrodes on him. He may
even resist wet-wrapping, if the Doktors think he needs it. But we got
to keep reminding ourselves, it's for his own damn good.

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 1:01 AM
Message-ID: <090519992301511700%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <friday-ya02408000R0905990845030001@news.tiac.net>, Friday
Jones <friday@subgenius.com> wrote:

> I failed "Bob."

Does not "Bob" demand we get rich off our failures? Does he not expect
us to fail him in order to succeed against the Conspiracy? Does, in
fact, "Bob" give a shit one way or another? NAY...! For now is the time
to go from failing "Bob" to KILLING "Bob," so we may then sell his
organs on the black market.

We must screw up in order to grok "Bob."

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 1:50 AM
Message-ID: <090519992350327666%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <19990509234554.27292.00000022@ng-fq1.aol.com>, Monsterwax
<monsterwax@aol.com> wrote:

> So you're still pinning the blame on me, eh? Just 'cause my name is Joe and
> I'm
> currently terrorizing Tallahassee, it HAS to be me! There are no other "Joes"
> in this town, and nobody- like Lillith- would ever call up and LIE about their
> NAME or their TOWN to make me look bad for their own self interests. Do you
> think all subs are that STUPID?! (Don't answer that.)

Joe, listen to my voice. Don't you think it's a bit butchier than
yours? I could never fake your voice. I'd sound like Rip Torn if I
tried.

> Little wonder. You used it all up on ME!

Joe, listen to me. Dr. Legume doesn't hate you. He knows it was an
accident, and he was only a little embarrassed. I mean, we've all
slipped in the shower, and it's natural to reach for something when we
fall. Please try to accept this.

> Actually, that sounds more like the effects of middle age.

Joe, please listen. I understand you're worried about getting older.
What will happen to your preaching career, you ask yourself? Will you
still have the presence to command young white lads eager to serve
"Bob"? But think about Princess Diana, Connie love her, for a second.
As she got older, did *she* get uglier? No, in fact I dare say that she
only became MORE attractive. She went from a charmingly pretty girl to
a woman in the prime of her life, living a charmed life even through
adversary.

You could be just like Princess Di, Papa Joe. You only have to want it
enough.

As for Legume, he has simply found a new form of slack. One day he
might move on to something else. Learn from his example. After all,
you're a different person than you were back when you used to play punk
music. You're stronger. You can live without fearing yourself now. Come
out, Joe. We're waiting for you.

> I suspect there is room UNDER the table. But I don't know if Ivan will let you
> eat his pussy or not. (I don't WANT to know!)

Joe, listen for a bit. There's nothing wrong with two men having sex.
Obsessing about the matter isn't healthy. It's almost masturbatory. If
you need to talk about it, we will listen. We're here for you.

Your friend,

The Prophet Lilith

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: friday@subgenius.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, May 10, 1999 6:37 PM
Message-ID: <friday-ya02408000R1005991837410001@news.tiac.net>

In article <090519992217391975%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>, Popess Lilith von
Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>
> In article <19990509010118.24372.00001259@ng122.aol.com>, Monsterwax
> <monsterwax@aol.com> wrote:

> > Was it sex? Was it money? Was it money for Sex? Whatever it was,
> > you probably didn't even BLINK before nodding your head. So much for your
> > loyalty.
>
> Uh. Even if this were the case, what exactly is your objection? Not
> being able to split the take with Friday? Or getting spanked by
> Kennie-Poo?

Or me NOT spanking you ENOUGH, sweet Joe?

> > I'd ask if anyone would DARE stand up for poor Papa Joe, but why bother? If
> > there were any TRUE yeti, you would have step forward on your own by now.
>
> Aw, birdie Joe has a broken wing! That's so sad! Let's put it out of
> its misery.
>
> You choose. Death, or mungo-lungo.

Forget standing up - but I might lie down for you, Papa Joe, if you'll bend
over for ME.

FOR THE RECORD:
I DO believe that Papa Joe called in to NPR, but the calls to the Middle
East, Ken Reeves and the OCBC are obviously the work of an anti-"Bob"
fanatic who MUST BE STOPPED!
And that anti-"Bob" fanatic?
Hmmm ... could it be KURT of FLORIDA who runs the EXPOSE "BOB" website!?!?!
Well, no - not unless his last name is really G******.

- F

Subject: Re: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <p-lil@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, May 11, 1999 4:03 PM
Message-ID: <110519991403268261%p-lil@ZubJenius.com>

In article <3736f54c.3092683@news>, Sister Decadence
<decadence@subgenius.com> wrote:

> On Sun, 09 May 1999 23:09:45 -0700, Popess Lilith von Fraumench
> <p-lil@ZubJenius.com> wrote:
>
> >Well, sometimes the Pinks are right. Not very often, but now and then.
>
> HERESY!

And...?

(Actually, I must thank Rev. Judas for pointing out that I should've
said "sometimes the Pinks are correct" instead. What can I say? I've
been BUSY.)

> Well, I AM seeing YOU diagnose him, but only you. Are you sure
> you've got it right? I mean, he IS dangerous, be careful what you
> diagnose!

The watch batteries seem to be helping him, so I guess I was. Before he
took them he was still frothing about his enemies and how he was going
to blow them all up from the deck of his pleasure saucer. Now he's
laying down, calm and quiet except for a violent twitch and a
half-strangled noise every 15 minutes. But he doesn't seem to have too
many problems with the ball gag I put on him, so he can make as much
noise as needed to help expedite his recovery and his return to
abnormal society.

> And his own good is what you are working toward......um, right?
> Yeah, that's it, you're just working for PapaJoe's good! Aw, I feel
> all mushy inside now.

I must confess, I'm working towards Papa Joe's good for purely selfish
reasons. But if it helps my fellow slackren out and I can make a little
cash on the side, WHY NOT?

The Prophet Lilith

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Original file name: "Joe's next, in Tallahassee"

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