From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Sun, Apr 2, 2000 12:33 PM
Message-ID: <38E7766D.80F8A226@home.com>
Everyone who did not go: YOU ARE A DUMBASS! Start saving up now for next
year. NOTE: events and people in this report may be vastly distorted,
due to Time Control and pils. FR PHIL MONTY, DR ZAFOD MAPBOY, REV RIAN
THE DETAINED, DR NATOW, ELVIS, many NEDERLAND CELEBRITIES, and OTHERS
were there also, but I did not hear any gossip about them, at least not
the kind you can talk about in public.
That said, the trip began with a bang at the coffeeshop Die Rokerij,
which has little low stools and tables and pillows and lights that fade
and then get brighter and also much of the White Widow and excellent
coffee. REV EDFRED was the first MIA of the trip, never making it from
the Hotel to the Rokerij, a twenty-yard distance. (It's rumoured that
he took one of THEM kind pils). REV IZZO purchased and donated a large
supply of exotic pipes to the party when it was discovered that no one
had brought any on the airplanes. On the return to the hotel, everyone
enjoyed the magnificent view afforded by the lush Garden Suite of the
Renaissance Amsterdam, which has a large patio overlooking the entire
city. A table in the living room was designated as the Common Table,
and it was soon filled with love gifts of all types, including very
expensive Scotch and Cognac, Marlboros, and snacks from NUMONET.
The official party started at 5pm at the La Canna coffeeshop, one of the
few in Amsterdam that sells both liquor and hanf. You'll have to buy
the video to see the look on STANG'S face when STERNO walked in! You
were ALL trolled -- the great STERNO had planned to come on the field
trip the whole time.
After the party, most people went to bed early (although it's rumoured
that some of the men did not in fact return to their rooms, but instead
went to the Red Light District with STERNO, possibly visiting the Alley
of Giant Negresses). MAGDALEN, POPE BLACK, REV RIOTZ, and REV MICKEY
FINN stayed up late at the local bar Diepte, open until 3 AM. (Do NOT
try the "Pepper Candy Vodka"-- it is SALTY and tastes like fish oil)
By the second day of the trip, our colorful laminated name tags, with
"Bob" images for men and "Connie" images for women had created a stir
within the hotel, especially when we explained that we wore them because
we are Famous American Comedians, like Seinfeld. Numerous anonymous
gifts were soon sent up by room service, including a dish of nuts from a
Mr. [Phil] Collins. Also, we were upgraded from plastic shampoo trays
to porcelain ones!
The trip to the Van Gogh museum was fun as everyone learned to ride the
speedy, non-polluting, extremely cheap trams. STERNO led a select group
on a tour of all the skulls Van Gogh ever painted, while NU MONET and
others enjoyed the fine cafeteria on the first floor.
On Tuesday the town began to stir in anticipation of the big Devival
Wednesday night. The housekeeping staff at the hotel asked for signed
copies of the beautiful poster designed by CRAWFORD SMITH. The
coffeeshop GREY AREA declared their faith in "Bob" and offered to
sponsor the devival with free smokables of all types.
The trip to the Wax Museum was freakier than all-get-out. It would be a
shame to spoil the suprise for those who may attend next year, but let
me just say Nepalese hash + giant animatronics + the Dalai Llama = zany
SubGenius antics. STANG and PRINCESS WEI R DOE attended the event, as
well as many others -- video and binaries forthcoming. The night
featured many different parties, including the complete takeover of the
coffeeshop Dutch Flowers, during which the SubGeniuses purchased ALL of
the Nepalese Temple Balls because STERNO TOLD THEM TO!! The quote of
the night was "Scooters don't make no sense" and also "If we kidnap Beck
the Prince will have to come!"
The GREATEST EUROPEAN DEVIVAL EVER, and one of the best Devivals ever
anywhere occurred on Wednesday, thanks to POPE DAVID LEE BLACK, the Pope
of all Europe. He opened the show in a blue velvet pope robe and tall
black pope hat, giving a testimonial so moving that the audience shouted
with joy. STERNO ranted next, introducing the Europeans to Face Fucking
Bat Sperm Antidote Pudding. CRAWFORD SMITH ranted in a super-sexxxy
black outfit, his deep, twangy voice rolling over the Dutch and forcing
them to submit to the Way of "Bob". The KLINGONS played, dressed as
Bill and Hillary Clinton. I. VANSTANGJE ranted his nut off, filling the
crowd with the fiery Spirit of Dobbs. The DUKE OF UKE was nearly
crushed by the avalanche of french-cut musky-smelling panties that
erupted from the crowd as he strummed his ukelele and crooned. JESUS
CHRIST, dressed in a fine maroon suit and "Bob" shirt, led the
audience-participation segment, while REV MARY MAGDALEN, dressed as
Wonder Woman, took up a collection from the crowd. NU MONET gave his
testimonial as well as a CHECK FOR THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS to the Church
(PRAISE NUMONET!). REV AARON told the chilling story of the miraculous
appearance of "Bob's" face on his back. VELVETEEN SLY praised "Bob"
lustily also. After more Klingons and another rant by VanStangje, ONAN
CANOBITE closed the show with his awesome rendition of the SubGenius
Anthem. Much merchandise was sold to tourists from all nations, and two
competing radio stations both demanded SubGenius interviews. It was
then that NICKIE spouted the profound statement: "To the man with many
destinations, everything is on the way."
Thursday was Tourist Trap/Sex Day, although many die-hard event-goers
(including the official tour guides) were waaaaaay too wasted to
participate, due to show's after-party which never really ended, but
just sort of migrated to all the coffeeshops and bars of Amsterdam when
the sun came up. By this time, the SubGenius name tags were known
throughout Amsterdam, and the free drinks, frappy, pils, and sex flowed
like the Amstel river to the lucky SubGenii who paid to be part of the
group. After dinner, JESUS telephoned the front desk of the Renaissance
with a frantic message to be hand-delivered to STANG and NICKIE
DEATHCHICK: "DON'T TAKE THE OTHER HALF!!!"
That evening was POPE BLACK'S party at Cafe Le Pype, during which
NICKIE, who had already taken the other half, spanked POPE BLACK'S bare
ass ten times while giggling uncontrollably. MARY MAGDALEN danced with
a very, very, very old Dutchman while JESUS ranted and proposed toasts,
and DOC FROP and SISTER DECADENCE took pictures and laughed and laughed.
That night DAN, a British friend of POPE BLACK, somehow managed to come
up with $30 US, and was christened REV OILSLIDE (see p85 of the
Renaissance Hotel hardcover guide to Amsterdam).
Friday was the last day, but it lasted about forty hours, due to time
control. Many people spent the day shopping for souvenirs and
exchanging humorous gifts with one another. The planned event was a boat
tour of the city, which was attended by REV PROSTATA CANTATA, JOY
D'VEEVE, THE PRINCESS, THE DUKE, CRAWFORD, JESUS, MARY, and many
others. At the same time, STANG, ONAN, POPE BLACK, and VAGINA JONES
took over two different radio stations and battled across the airwaves,
exposing the Dutch to an incredible audio event requiring two radios and
a pipe to fully experience.
There was a final, final, final, final party at Fancy Free, where REV
AARON bought a huge round tropical drink that comes with skewers of
fruit and two sparklers. The party moved back to the hotel after 3AM
for a final effort at smoking ALL the fine products collected over the
week. We harrassed room service with a huge order of sandwiches and
coffee at 3:30AM for the last time. Those who had not yet seen the
SHEEP on channel 16 at 3:50AM made sure to tune in. Around 5:30 the
party shifted into a frenzied session of bag-packing and ticket-finding
before the very very very last last last last last final party at 6:30
at the breakfast buffet in the Renaissance dining room. The food was
incredible and everyone hugged everyone (some a little more tightly and
rhythmically than the hotel staff was used to). Then there was one last
ten-minute party in the Garden Suite before it really was time to go
catch the airport shuttle and return to the Planet of the Clocks.
I've left out a number of things, including the Reichsmuseum, and the
time when POPE BLACK saved the DUKE OF UKE'S life, and the time when
JESUS miraculously turned red wine back into water after it had been
spilled on the couch, and the time we rode motorcycles to Rotterdam, and
also that ONE time, but there's just no room to talk about those things
here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Sun, Apr 2, 2000 11:28 PM
Message-ID: <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>
On Sun, 02 Apr 2000 16:33:09 GMT, "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
wrote, in alt.slack:
}Everyone who did not go: YOU ARE A DUMBASS!
Fuck that noise.
I'd rather feed the cancer from within and laugh as I sit in the center of
the sepsis than spend dollars I have to come back and replace after going
away for a few days and pretending the shit hole I left and return to
doesn't exist. No, I didn't quit my job for "Bob" in order to play make
believe for a price.
I quit my job for "Bob" so people will send me plane tickets and pay me
money for going to them all over the world and telling them things they
want to hear that support their own ideas -- to get them to pay me to tell
them what they think. AND to pay me large sums in between times to play
with neat gadgets and shock people and hypnotize them and stick wires in
rats branes and do all kinds of other shit I'd pay THEM to let me do,
except "Bob" taught me I can make it work the other way.
I'm still where I want to be, and you're back, trying to gloat over being
where you want to be again but aren't.
And *I'm* the dumbass?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 1:24 AM
Message-ID: <38E82B34.BDD6E0EA@home.com>
Unit 4 wrote:
<pessimistic attitude nastiness snipped>
>
> And *I'm* the dumbass?
>
You're sure as hell the MEAN-ass. Damn, dude, you SOO need to go there
and you don't even know it. It's not make believe, it's REALLY LIKE
THAT, and it was wonderful and we had a wonderful time and it was worth
every penny to everyone who went. It's like going to the pokemon center
and getting all your slack levels refilled, so you can navigate the
conspiracy game with full energy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 12:48 PM
Message-ID: <38E8CB67.72EF@succeeds.com>
Unit 4 wrote:
>
> And *I'm* the dumbass?
>
Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 2:09 PM
Message-ID: <sternodox-0304001309150001@pm10ppp26.aristotle.net>
In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
> And *I'm* the dumbass?
Basically, yes.
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 5:17 PM
Message-ID: <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote,
in alt.slack:
}Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so
much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few
thousands miles to do it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 5:18 PM
Message-ID: <7j2iesgpncsdofae9ck8atfnfj37vsss6v@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 13:09:15 -0500, sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno)
wrote, in alt.slack:
}In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
}
}> And *I'm* the dumbass?
}
}Basically, yes.
Well, at least I prompted you to post something outside your formula.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
way to go, you broke it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net0 (Pope Phil Monty)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net0
Date: Mon, Apr 3, 2000 6:36 PM
Message-ID: <memo.20000403233623.195B@mwowm.compulink.co.uk>
>->sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) wrot:
> In article <443ges8racdpue49vh2lp0jseaakukin6s@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com
> wrote:
>
> > And *I'm* the dumbass?
>
> Basically, yes.
sounds about right to me.
Phather Phil Monty el-Hajj
Anti-Pope of the North of England
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS
_________________________________
"remember: If you`re not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"
powered by /\/\\/\/<>\/\//\/\ @cix
netplace: http://home.clara.net/tycho/
and...
For the benefit of Spambots everywhere:
webmaster@localhost abuse@localhost postmaster@localhost
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 12:24 AM
Message-ID: <tgriesk3j5kutd4bqp42rgr9e47243b2qo@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 22:37:51 GMT, kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob) wrote, in
alt.slack:
}>formula.
}
}way to go, you broke it.
Good. Now we can use the pieces to build a statue of Janor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:23 AM
Message-ID: <sternodox-0404000823410001@pm14ppp104.aristotle.net>
In article <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>, unit4@sputum.com wrote:
> Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so
> much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few
> thousands miles to do it.
One day, my son, I'll have to tell you about the two Australian girls, the
Mercedes, and the 120 mph trip to Tilburg. Getting stoned? Well, I guess
that was PART of it.
And what formula are you referring to?
- Sternodox
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 10:53 AM
Message-ID: <38EA01DE.58B1@subgenius.com>
I had planned to go, but I was so stoned I couldn't figure out how the
doorknob worked, and couldn't get out of my house. That's the last time
I smoke "ZARK" before operating a device as complex as a knob.
By the time I got the doorknob out of my ass, everyone was BACK.
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http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit180@SputSouth.Com
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 3:59 PM
Message-ID: <c4ikeso75p059hivjvhfl7ich7n32s1qhq@4ax.com>
On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 17:17:16 -0400, Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> wrote, in
alt.slack:
>On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote,
>in alt.slack:
>
>}Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
>
>Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so
>much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few
>thousands miles to do it.
Sokay. I think some of 'em are jealous that we're happy just
being. Prolly shouldn't rub in the Being Together part, too.
If it makes them feel any better, I'll admit to overwhelming
hankerings to go to the British Isles again. Of course, that
won't change the fact that *you* like just being here. Alas,
that you can't be miserable enough to make them happy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:22 PM
Message-ID: <i85lessigequ3fqa0u2jqvdfofqs03s1c5@megaHAL>
# 31 on today's alt.slack hit parade is kevbob and F.O.A.D.A. doing their
rendition of :
>unit4@sputum.com (Unit 4) posted to alt.slack on Tue, 04 Apr 2000 04:24:16 GMT with
>>Good. Now we can use the pieces to build a statue of Janor.
>
>where will we find the pigeons?
just make sure it's just been washed and they'll find *it*.
--
SubGenius Spice
www.distributed.net
moo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 9:42 PM
Message-ID: <040420002142209498%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38E82B34.BDD6E0EA@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen
<magdalen@home.com> wrote:
>It's not make believe, it's REALLY LIKE
> THAT, and it was wonderful and we had a wonderful time and it was worth
> every penny to everyone who went. It's like going to the pokemon center
> and getting all your slack levels refilled, so you can navigate the
> conspiracy game with full energy.
She speaks true!
Thanks for the Memory Replenishment, Magdalen!
Pay NO attention to these poor jealous old bumphrees, Sister.
--
Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119
The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB
Fax: 216-738-0150
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 4, 2000 10:03 PM
Message-ID: <040420002203054444%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <982ies4vh47u4u9r0marki89ajthaslhrc@4ax.com>, Unit 4
<UnitIV@SPUTUM.com> wrote:
> On Mon, 03 Apr 2000 09:48:39 -0700, nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com> wrote,
> in alt.slack:
>
> }Sour grapes. But I won't rub it in.
>
> Of course! It'd be SO OBVIOUS if I'd just admit that I REALLY DO care so
> much about getting stoned that I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few
> thousands miles to do it.
I admit that I really do care so much about saving souls for "Bob" that
I'd pay a big wad of cash to fly a few thousand miles to do it.
Yes, I'll admit to being a fanatic. For "Bob."
If my belief in that man "Bob", and my desire to convert, so offends
you, sir, then perhaps you should go to where people have a more
LIBERAL attitude towards SLACK, "BOB'S" WORD and the CONSPIRACY.
Someplace like BACK TO THE OFFICE!! Back to the KENNEL! Back to the
CEMETARY OF THE SOUL!
But I sir take my Dobbs seriously.
Dobbs said "Go and preach." I preach. He said "Go and frop." I
'Fropped. Dobbs said to me, through his Book, "Check out the Van Gogh
Museum." And so I didn't exactly ARGUE with what DOBBS TOLD ME!! And
Dobbs FURTHER prophesied as far back as 1982, "When you run into the
Dalai Lama there, give him my regards!" WHICH I INDEED DID WHEN I MET
THE DALAI LAMA THERE! ("Just getting stoned" MY EYE!!) Dobbs said unto
Yours Truly, said He, "Sell my T-shirts of My Facefullness to a bunch
of foreigners and give Willem de Ridder a free one!" and GOBBS I DID
IT!! If that doesn't seem FUNNY ENOUGH a JOKE to you, then FUCK YA!
What I DON'T recall ol' Dobbsy saying to me was anything along the
lines of "SAVE YOUR FUNDS FOR A RAINY DAY" or "DON'T USE UP TOO MUCH
VACATION TIME." Nossir, I don't recall seeing those exact lines in the
PreScriptures, certainly not underlined in red, anyway, not as I
recall. Also not too much about "Why don't you sour off at everybody
who's having fun, so as to remind them of that nasty old 5th grade
teacher they're gonna feed to the robo-beasts on XXX-Day?"
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT, thank-you-very-much!!!
--
Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119
The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB
Fax: 216-738-0150
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Wed, Apr 5, 2000 2:23 PM
Message-ID: <38EB84F7.B6F37656@home.com>
Legume wrote:
>
> By the time I got the doorknob out of my ass, everyone was BACK.
Oh so THAT'S what happened!! I tell you what, there is just one thing
that I missed in Amsterdam, that made it just a little less than
perfect, and that was LEGUME!! Seriously, I thought about you and Susie
the whole time, going, "Damn! They would be SHITTING right now!!".
Make your fanboys pay for your trip next time, or perhaps we can just
charge everyone else a Legume Tax, but however it happens, you guys MUST
GO next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Knezek" <achoo!@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 5, 2000 11:27 PM
Message-ID: <38EC0429.A448E79A@yahoo.com>
Unit 4 wrote:>
> I'd rather feed the cancer from within and laugh as I sit in the center of
> the sepsis than spend dollars I have to come back and replace after going
> away for a few days and pretending the shit hole I left and return to
> doesn't exist. No, I didn't quit my job for "Bob" in order to play make
> believe for a price.
Not to mention those of us who would've loved to go, but just didn't happen
to have a few thousand extra dollars lying around with which to do it. If
being poor makes a person a DUMBASS, then so be it. I'm a dumbass who happens
to be saving my money up for a house... I'd rather own my own home and work
towards long-term happiness, than go on flushing my money down the Great
Rental Toilet, and blowing all my spare time and cash on short-term pleasure
cruises.
--
-Rev. Knezek
"We must dance like crazed weasels atop the furniture of life!"
-some guy from "Alaska Men" magazine
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS,
get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe
I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed
to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as
for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of
Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for
one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he
can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can
certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of
slack. Can't we all just get along???
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 11:35 AM
Message-ID: <38ECAEDD.36B5@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
> But, if you'd rather have a house, I can
> certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of
> slack. Can't we all just get along???
I would rather have an orgy of slack IN my house.
BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
--
Dr. K."Cortez" Legume
"My energies are much better spent teaching people to
eat pork than teaching pigs to be civilized."
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 11:47 AM
Message-ID: <38ECB18B.7CBE@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
> Oh so THAT'S what happened!! I tell you what, there is just one thing
> that I missed in Amsterdam, that made it just a little less than
> perfect, and that was LEGUME!! Seriously, I thought about you and Susie
> the whole time, going, "Damn! They would be SHITTING right now!!".
> Make your fanboys pay for your trip next time, or perhaps we can just
> charge everyone else a Legume Tax, but however it happens, you guys MUST
> GO next time.
Mags, I wish to FUCK we HAD gone, but the cost would have been
prohibitive for us right now. Shit, the trip for the two of us would
have cost as much as we paid for our damn CAR, and when we came home
we'd probably have defaulted on our mortgage.
Susi would have loved to go, she's never really been ANYWHERE. The
farthest she's ever been from home is CLEVELAND. And even then, only
ONCE.
It sounded like you guys had a GRAND time, and I'm jealous as 10
motherfuckers.
The Seventh Seal has been broken. While you all were cavorting in the
smoky fraphouses of Amsterdam, Wild Man Legume's biggest joy was that I
managed to fix my busted lawnmower.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: kevbob@ecsis.net (kevbob)
excellent.
do you do brake work?
--
"oo ee oo ah ah twingtwang wallawalla bingbang,
oo ee oo ah ah twingtwang wallawalla bingbang oh yah!
oo ee oo ah ah B I N G O, oo ee oo ah ah E I E I O" Clutch
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 1:53 PM
Message-ID: <060420001353298954%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38EC0429.A448E79A@yahoo.com>, Rev. Knezek
<achoo!@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> Not to mention those of us who would've loved to go, but just didn't happen
> to have a few thousand extra dollars lying around with which to do it. If
> being poor makes a person a DUMBASS, then so be it. I'm a dumbass who happens
> to be saving my money up for a house... I'd rather own my own home and work
> towards long-term happiness, than go on flushing my money down the Great
> Rental Toilet, and blowing all my spare time and cash on short-term pleasure
> cruises.
The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys
dumbasses. I believe that she was speaking figuratively and teasingly.
She was not seriously implying that being unable to afford a pleasure
trip is a sign of low intelligence. Not being able to take a joke IS,
however, a precursor to buggery. I entertain no doubts that buttplug
removal is imminent, however.
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:06 PM
Message-ID: <060420001406275740%stang@subgenius.com>
I spoke too soon; she beat me to it.
In article <38EC0945.C39DB4B3@home.com>, Rev. Magdalen
<magdalen@home.com> wrote:
>
> Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS,
> get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe
> I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed
> to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as
> for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of
> Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for
> one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he
> can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can
> certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of
> slack. Can't we all just get along???
I could have kept $1200 instead of going to Amsterdam, and I wouldn't
have been able to go at ALL if all the OTHER Doktors hadn't gone. OF
COURSE it's too expensive for MANY pore SubGenii.
HOWEVER!!! The point is NOT "We Cool SubGeniuses Went and Partied." The
point is, there are OTHER WORLDS, practically OTHER PLANETS out there,
and some things you just can't get from book-learning and TV. TRAVEL IN
GENERAL is GENERALLY good for a human of this time. It mightily well
knocks you off your high horse of localcentrism no matter whether it's
a GOOD trip or a BAD trip, whether it's a group or solo trip, or
whether it's cheap or expensive.
When I was 19, I saved up $600 working as a furniture mover at
Mayflower, and spent it on a 6 WEEK TRIP AROUND EUROPE AND NORTHERN
AFRICA. That's all it cost, $600. It was fucking MISERABLE too because
we had to carry everything on our backs, hitchhike, eat garbage, sleep
in flea bitten hostels, get the runs, etc.etc. BUT IT WAS SURE AS HELL
WORTH IT!! It gave me that all important VISCERAL SENSE that AMERICANS
DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING.
A round trip ticket to anywhere on the planet is less than $500 if you
look hard.
And if you don't like your job, QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you don't
like your LOCAL VIDEO RENTAL STORE, DON'T RENT VIDEOS THERE. If you
don't like things -- MOVE!!! JUST FUCKING MOVE ON! Once you have done
it a few times for practice, it becomes easy. And you might need it in
an emergency.
Stang said, smugly, as if he knew what the fuck he was going on about.
--
Copyright 2000 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 2nd Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected: PO Box 19355 Cleveland OH 44119
The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.: PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack / PRABOB
Fax: 216-738-0150
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:09 PM
Message-ID: <060420001409145801%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38ECAEDD.36B5@subgenius.com>, Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>> BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
That too, by all means. But don't get it confused with the real thing
or they'll throw your ass in jail for NINETY THREE YEARS.
.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 2:12 PM
Message-ID: <060420001412156705%stang@subgenius.com>
In article <38ECB18B.7CBE@subgenius.com>, Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>
> The Seventh Seal has been broken. While you all were cavorting in the
> smoky fraphouses of Amsterdam, Wild Man Legume's biggest joy was that I
> managed to fix my busted lawnmower.
>
Oh my god, I just heard on the news that lions are lying down with
lambs all over the world's zoos and game preserves! THE END IS UPON US!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 3:35 PM
Message-ID: <38ECE710.72C8@subgenius.com>
I cut off my damn TOE with that lawnmower, and the seas turned to BLOOD.
I would say I got the "Cut My Toe Off With the Lawnmower Blues", but
some dumbass would probably take the box off his head and SUE me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: ePRONO <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: nenslo@tonyaharding.org
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 5:29 PM
Message-ID: <38ED01A4.79D0@subgenius.com>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
>
> The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys
> dumbasses.
Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif*
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 5:46 PM
Message-ID: <38ED05F7.4C3DFA79@home.com>
ePRONO wrote:
>
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> >
> > The little lady was not literally and angrily calling you guys
> > dumbasses.
>
> Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif*
Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Doktor Tee <drcooler@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 6:30 PM
Message-ID: <B5127A7A.1D660%drcooler@earthlink.net>
in article 38EC0945.C39DB4B3@home.com, Rev. Magdalen at magdalen@home.com
wrote on 4/5/2000 10:48 PM:
> Look you guys, the DUMBASS part was a fucking JOKE, okay?! Fer LAFFS,
> get it? I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE you're all dumbasses, but I do believe
> I should FUCK you if you can't take a joke. Anyway, aren't we supposed
> to be proudly acting like total dumbshits in the first place? But as
> for the not having any money thing, just remember the example of
> Governor Rocknar, a humble pizza-boy who saved a mere $20 every week for
> one year until he had a thousand dollars to give to "Bob". Surely if he
> can do it, anyone can. But, if you'd rather have a house, I can
> certainly see your point. Many others would rather have an orgy of
> slack. Can't we all just get along???
In a lot of ways I am probably somewhat of a 'bobby' in this glorius
church, but partial soul salvation is better than none-know what I mean.
Mary's recollection was right on and even better than the daily flashbacks
and seizures I've had since returning.
To those who didn't WANT to go, yeah...you fucked up and 'probably' are
dumbasses. Worse even----shortsighted, narrow minded, maggot infested
DUMBASSES!!
To those who COULDN'T go, you got fucked, and may the luck plane tilt your
way next year, you were sorely missed and certainly with us in our thoughts.
Mary, Yur mi nu sur-dur-per-sav. Thanks for your report.
--
---
Doktor Tee <drt@subgenius.com>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: ePRONO <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: nenslo@tonyaharding.org
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 7:32 PM
Message-ID: <38ED1E70.7EE@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
>
> ePRONO wrote:
> >
> > Yes she was. And I'm terribly terribly hurt by it. *snif*
>
> Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
Lower.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: König PrüB, GmbH <saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 8:32 PM
Message-ID: <seqb5muorfg81@corp.supernews.com>
Rev. Magdalen: (voce basso profundo) Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 6, 2000 8:53 PM
Message-ID: <38ED317F.526A@subgenius.com>
Rev. Magdalen wrote:
> Would you feel better if I rub your belly?
That won't help Nenslo. He's been grouchy since I put my feet on his
belly to drain out my Rheumatism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Bodhisatva Troutwaxer <tungtung@pacbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: tungtung@pacbell.net
Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 2:24 AM
Message-ID: <38ED7F0C.2E2F@pacbell.net>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> And if you don't like your job, QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you don't
> like your LOCAL VIDEO RENTAL STORE, DON'T RENT VIDEOS THERE. If you
> don't like things -- MOVE!!! JUST FUCKING MOVE ON! Once you have done
> it a few times for practice, it becomes easy. And you might need it in
> an emergency.
>
> Stang said, smugly, as if he knew what the fuck he was going on about.
Having travelled much in my youth, I second everything he said.
Sometimes I think the essence of being yeti is to be able to wake up in
a ditch and know that wherever you wake up, you're home.
T.
Boddhisatva Troutwaxer's Mongolian Torture Garden
http://home.pacbell.net/tungtung/troutwax.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 2:40 AM
Message-ID: <38ED82DC.7061@subgenius.com>
ePRONO wrote:
>
> Legume wrote:
> > That won't help Nenslo. He's been grouchy since I put my feet on his
> > belly to drain out my Rheumatism.
> >
>
> Outa you and inta me.
Yeah, uh, sorry about that, again. Have a Vicodin, on me.
--
Dr. K."Cortez" Legume
"My energies are much better spent teaching people to
eat pork than teaching pigs to be civilized."
-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
http://www.newsfeeds.com - The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
-----== Over 80,000 Newsgroups - 16 Different Servers! =-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Unit180@SputSouth.Com
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 3:50 PM
Message-ID: <v9eseskr67m3d89egpg52smvvrik8na1qn@4ax.com>
On Tue, 04 Apr 2000 22:03:05 -0400, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
>IF YOU GET MY DRIFT, thank-you-very-much!!!
Oh.
So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close
to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes
and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm? We are simply
trying to discern what that reason might be. Usually, saying to
people that they are Dumbasses for not doing something that one
just did oneself is a way of *justifying* in ones own mind that
whatever it was that one did was WORTH it, even if there's this
annoying little discomfort about it down underneath. It was NOT
WE who started with the "If you didn't do what we did, you're a
dumbass" stuff.
Now personally I don't mind if people want to put me down so as
to increase their own illusion of Slack, but every now and then
I get into this mood where I am overwhelmed by this vicious and
intolerable craving to have people treat each other with just a
modicum of respect. Not just any people, even - just those that
are acquainted and seem to have enough in common to be accorded
mutual yetihood.
I know it has to be a really STUPID idea I get that people here
in this sewer of a newsgroup would have enough honesty to admit
that all this purported hate they keep trying to fester is just
a sham, so they have to keep on and on an on and on being nasty
as they can so nobody will suspect that somewhere underneath is
a real feeling. I don't get it. Is it not the Pinks and Sheeple
that are the natural targets for what passes for hate here? Are
not we diluting the broth by aiming our barbs and stones at the
yetikinfolk?
Oh never mind. Spose it keeps you guys off the streets. Type on.
--
"...the neurotic has problems, the psychotic has solutions."
(Thomas Szasz)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 4:13 PM
Message-ID: <sternodox-0704001513080001@pm11ppp71.aristotle.net>
In article <v9eseskr67m3d89egpg52smvvrik8na1qn@4ax.com>,
Unit180@SputSouth.Com wrote:
> So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close
> to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes
> and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm?
As "Bob" has said MANY times:
"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
And as I'VE said many times:
"And believe me . . . a lot of them can't."
Now . . . do you wanna hear about my latest trip to Bolivia or not?
- Sterno
--
M'muh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: magdalen@subgenius.com
Date: Fri, Apr 7, 2000 9:03 PM
Message-ID: <38EE859E.70A62137@home.com>
tarla@xtra.co.nz wrote:
>
> On Thu, 06 Apr 2000 14:09:14 -0400, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
> <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> >>> >> BUILD YOUR OWN AMSTERDAM!
> >
> >That too, by all means. But don't get it confused with the real thing
> >or they'll throw your ass in jail for NINETY THREE YEARS.
> >.
> Hey, when they pass this new law here, will you guys be coming down
> for a visit? It's much prettier here than in Amsterdammy.
What new law? How pretty? How much is dollars worth there? But the
important thing is: how are the SHOES??? If the shoe-shopping is only
so-so then I dunno about it. Someone told me that there are no boxer
briefs there, but I guess we could bring our own.
> *****
> "When a true genius appears in the world,
> you may know him by this sign, that the dunces
> are all in confederacy against him."
> --Jonathan Swift, "Thoughts on Various Subjects,
> Moral and Diverting"
> *****
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net (Pope Phil Monty)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: Pope_Phil_Monty@tycho.clara.net
Date: Sun, Apr 9, 2000 11:21 AM
Message-ID: <memo.20000409162118.203A@mwowm.compulink.co.uk>
>->sternodox@aristotle.net (Sterno) wrot:
>
> Now . . . do you wanna hear about my latest trip to Bolivia or not?
>
oh yus! Apparently you've found your other dick...?
Phather Phil Monty el-Hajj
Anti-Pope of the North of England
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS
_________________________________
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAM REPORT AND GOSSIP COLUMN
From: Sister Decadence <decadence@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 9, 2000 11:35 AM
Message-ID: <9k81fsgnop1pd1v3gen9rb3214cko8on06@4ax.com>
> So. I guess we can't spread the Word of "Bob" around here close
> to home, eh? The minions of "Bob" won't accept us stay-at-homes
> and have to make fun of us for some reason, hmmm? We are simply
> trying to discern what that reason might be. Usually, saying to
> people that they are Dumbasses for not doing something that one
> just did oneself is a way of *justifying* in ones own mind that
> whatever it was that one did was WORTH it, even if there's this
> annoying little discomfort about it down underneath. It was NOT
> WE who started with the "If you didn't do what we did, you're a
> dumbass" stuff.
Jeezuz, I come home later than everyone to THIS?? Good god, saying
"You're a dumbass for not going" doesn't make FUN of anyone. Can't
believe people responded like this. Lighten up you fuckers and get
some slack already. Or something. Frankly I didn't think you were
dumbasses for not going but NOW I think you're ACTING like dumbasses.
Really, you don't want to emulate humans that closely, do you? There's
no attempt at "justifying" in what Magdalen wrote. We had a great
time and are very happy about it. End of story, no need for
pop-psychology.
>
> Now personally I don't mind if people want to put me down so as
> to increase their own illusion of Slack, but every now and then
> I get into this mood where I am overwhelmed by this vicious and
> intolerable craving to have people treat each other with just a
> modicum of respect. Not just any people, even - just those that
> are acquainted and seem to have enough in common to be accorded
> mutual yetihood.
Boy, we have no need for illusions, we have so much Slack at this
point it's welling out of our orifices. Sorry you can't accept that.
>
> I know it has to be a really STUPID idea I get that people here
> in this sewer of a newsgroup would have enough honesty to admit
> that all this purported hate they keep trying to fester is just
> a sham, so they have to keep on and on an on and on being nasty
> as they can so nobody will suspect that somewhere underneath is
> a real feeling. I don't get it. Is it not the Pinks and Sheeple
> that are the natural targets for what passes for hate here? Are
> not we diluting the broth by aiming our barbs and stones at the
> yetikinfolk?
Excellent point. As I've said before folks, save the HATE for the
HUMANS and the CONSPIRACY.
>
> Oh never mind. Spose it keeps you guys off the streets. Type on.
"Free Scotland!"
Original file name: MAGDALEN'S SEXXXY AMSTERDAMÉ
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.
