From: ePRONO <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: nenslo@tonyaharding.org
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS
Content-Disposition: inline; filename="bore"
I've always thought the Dokstok Tales were the single aspect of the Church of the SubGenius that held not one particle of interest. But I seem to have committed an egregious faux pas by daring to say so.
Y'see.... a boring person can be boring as much as they want. It's their right. They can be boring a hundred times, five hundred times, and you can't SAY they're boring even once. It's WRONG for people to put their trips on other people, and telling them they can't BORE you is putting your trip on them and bringing them down, man. Bad vibes. They can tell you the same story over and over, or different stories which are essentially the same: I got so wasted; It was so fun; And then he said; You shoulda been there; that's their trip, boring you, and you don't have a right to put YOUR trip, not being bored by them, ON THEM, see.
So if by chance you do make the terrible social error of telling someone they are boring the hell out of you here's what you can expect:
First they get WOUNDED. How could you fail to appreciate how FASCINATING the epic recitation of the thrilling adventures of their lives really is? How could you be so cruel as to deprive them the pleasure of sharing themselves with you? After all, it is THEY who are doing the work, talking and gesturing and making everything very entertaining FOR YOU, and all you have to do is sit there and let them POUND ON YOUR EARS until the words turn into a metallic clatter devoid of meaning and you're not hearing anything anymore, you're just cringing away from the noise. Er, I mean, all you have to do is sit there and drink in the splendor of their oratory, thrill to the marvelous events, laugh at the uproarious adventures, enjoy, enjoy, ENJOY!
Then they become INDIGNANT. If you don't appreciate the great benefits you are being offered, of learning from their experience, of enjoying their adventures, of sharing their joys and sorrows, then they just won't bother you with them any more. They certainly had no idea they were inflicting such pain on you and they are the last ones to want to cause others suffering (in contrast to YOU who don't care whose feelings you hurt with your excessive CRUELTY.)
Then they become VENGEFUL. Now they know what you don't like, maybe they'll just PUNISH you for not appreciating them, by BORING YOU EVEN MORE! Yes, that would serve you just right. If you dont have the sense to appreciate the value of what you get then it's simple justice for you to have it inflicted on you until you learn your lesson and see the error of your ways and learn to appreciate the blessed gift you've dared to scorn.
From then on, they have the right to MOCK and NEEDLE you for not wanting to be BORED by them. When you enter the room they will make a great show of CHANGING THE SUBJECT because they know you HATE TO BE BORED (and hating to be bored is an especially base form of intolerance.) They'll rarely let an opportunity go by to point out that they DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU, and if you try to have a simple conversation with you, you'll probably have to BEG them to say anything at all because anything they say would probably be TOO BORING, and heaven knows they certainly don't want to BORE you, because you're so SENSITIVE to BOREDOM.
Eventually you'll just have to get on your knees and PLEAD with them to forgive you for daring to say anything at all, and then all will be forgiven and they will be able to go right back to puking out their whole life on you over and over again and you get to grin and suck it down.
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Original file name: HERE'S HOW IT WORKS
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