8X-Day at Brushwood -- Important New Rule8X-Day at Brushwood -- Important New Rule
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jan 28, 2005
Believe it or not, I have actually started thinking
about 8X-Day. I
even have a date on my new 2005 SubGenius calendar from
CafePress
SubShop, for when I must have the postcard READY to
mail, and another
date marked for when the card has to actually BE printed
and mailed.
I'm about to update SubSITE regarding 8X-Day... there
isn't an official
logo or piece of art yet so I'm gonna try to make one
myself using old
nudist-mag photos. Luckily, I have plenty of those.
You CAN however
purchase your REGISTRATION, and two couples already
have done so. Early
registration gets you BETTER SEATS for the carnage and
spectacle.
It looks like Princess Wei and I will be much more involved
in
organizing this one than we were before. That means
WE have dibs on the
GOLF CART and the MEGAPHONE.
FIRST RULE UNDER THE NEW STANGDOE REGIME:
NO EVENTS SCHEDULED BEFORE 1:00 PM
except of course 7 am July 5.
In all the history of all 9 (!)X-Day Drills, no more than a couple hundred people have EVER shown up for any of the 11 am or even NOON events. It takes at LEAST until noon for the previous night's hangovers to dissipate sufficiently for, say, a Bobtism.
There's no limit on when events END, nor on how many people can be injured before an event STOPS, nor on how HORRIBLY TASTELESS an event is, nor how STUPID.
BUT LET'S NOT SUBJECT ANY MORE SUBGENII TO FORCED CONSCIOUSNESS BEFORE NOON! That was a CRIMINALLY INSANE policy.
This includes registration.
There's nothing we can do about the 7 a.m. thing. "Bob"
said it, I set
my alarm clock to it, that settles it. Plus, that admittedly
ungodly
hour provides the added benefit of separating the PUSSIES
(Jesus,
Legume, Philo, indeed most SubGenii) from the ELECT
(like me for
instance). But we certainly don't have to abide by Con
timeclocks on
X-Day weekend.
I say, SAVE THE ANTISLEEP-ABUSE FOR X-DAY-EVE and X-DAY MORN!
YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE SAUCERS!
STAY AWAKE! -- with Ale-8-1, Official Soda Pop of 8X-Day
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
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From: "Rev. Richard Skull" <mshotz@aol.com>
I getting tired of you and your "rules!"
Next thing you know you'll be telling us NOT to Pick
off passing Amish
Buggies with Sniper rifles!
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
NOT BEFORE ONE IN THE AFTERNOON.
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From: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer <seventhsqueal@verniciouskanit.com>
What kind of FREAK dresses up as an airy fairy pagan
and sneaks into
the Xday festivities prior to Noon. THAT is a ROCK
SOLID security
measure.
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From: "Doktor Dark" <drdark@37.com>
And to further enforce this rule, all shithouse doors
at Brushwood will
be locked until noon, and tent flaps sewed shut, and
camper doors
padlocked by guards on the outside.
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From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>
I got a rule for you.
KISS MY ASS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Doktor Dark" <drdark@37.com>
That doesn't supercede the 1 p.m. local time starting rule.
Additionally, the Brushwood XD8 Nenslo Arse Kissing
Committee has
devised the following set of instructions, on the advice
of legal
counsel, for risk management purposes and in compliance
with national,
state, and local laws, ordinances, and procedures, for
the benefit of
all.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR Nenslo ass kissers
.
Accept all Nenslo ass offered and do the job well.
.
Be patient when you are not assigned an ass kissing
job as the Nenslo
butt is kissed in stages determined by weather factors
(i.e. how the
poo dries and butt hairs stay put)
.
While kissing- NO cell phones, CD's, walkmans, or other
electrical devices are allowed.
.
NO eating, drinking or smoking during your assigned
shift if there is
ass kissing to be done and NEVER in the Nenslo arse
area. This is to
avoid spoiling or damaging the Nenslo or the butt decorations.
.
Be prepared to stay and work for your entire shift.
Excluding bathroom
and water breaks, only one 10-15 minute break is allowed
every 4-5 hour
shift.
.
Wear layers of clothes, if on an evening shift as it
gets cold. ALSO
wear clothes that can become dirty or spoiled by poo
etc. WEAR closed
toe shoes, no open toed shoes or sandals.
.
All personal items are the responsibility of the owner.
.
PRIOR to or AFTER your assigned shift you may want to
have some
food/drink. PLEASE bring all food to the XDay site
as there is none
available close to the NensloTent Site (stingy bastard).
.
All directions and rules from the Committee and/or Nenslo
Ass Charisma
personnel must be followed. Any serious violation will
result in the
entire group being asked to leave or not being allowed
to participate
the following years.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Richard Skull" <mshotz@aol.com>
So are we staring the "Send Nenslo to X-Day" fund this year?
I think last year Stang collected up to 3 cents from
varous SubG's to
buy Nenslo a plane ticket to X-Day.
Maybe we can have a Telethon and raise maybe 15 cents
this year!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Doktor Dark" <drdark@37.com>
Afternoon flights only. No one can get up to leave for
the airport
until after 1 PM.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
In article <280120051717533255%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>,
"Rev. Ivan
Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
>
> There's nothing we can do about the 7 a.m. thing.
"Bob" said it, I set
> my alarm clock to it, that settles it.
Aren't you overlooking something? Surely the X-ists
wouldn't make 24
different pick-ups, one for each time zone? And since
the original
prediction didn't specify a particular location, why
assume that it's
7AM EST? Isn't it more likely they would use 7AM GMT
as a reference
point and pick everyone up simultaneously?
If that's true, then the actual pick-up time in New
York would have
been GMT minus 5h. That gives a relative arrival time
of 2AM EST.
If I'm right, then we missed them in 1998 simply because
everyone
turned in early thinking they would have to be up for
7AM. They were
probably there at 2AM, saw there was nobody of significance
awaiting
their arrival, and moved on. This would also explain
why there are so
few Subgenii in the UK. Everyone over there who made
the 7AM deadline
would have been picked up, since they were the only
ones who got it
right (the lucky bastards).
In short, if my theory is correct, you fucked up big
time and owe every
card carrying member a refund of $60-$90. Based on
an estimated
100,000 world wide membership, this amounts to approximately
8 million
dollars for which another 3-4 million is owed in interest,
using July
5th, 1998 as a baseline.
Then there's the question of compensation for the pain
and suffering of
being left behind on a doomed world when we could have
all been aboard
the pleasure saucers enjoying ETERNAL SLACK. I don't
know how you'd
begin to estimate such an incalculable loss but going
by recent awards
it would be on the order of ten times the base amount,
so we're talking
at least another 80 million.
There's really no nice way to say this Stang, so I'll just spit it out.
You better get down on your knobbly little knees and
pray to "Bob" the
fucking X-ists show up this time pal, because if they
don't....
WE'LL SEE YOU IN COURT!
pb
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From: "Doktor Dark" <drdark@37.com>
Wise up, dipshit. Everybody knows that the Xist escape
vessels line up
on the International dateline as the 1st 7 AM rolls
around & beams up
the saved whilst remaining in geosynchronous orbit for
24 straight
hours. Sheesh! You better crack open the books more
often, pal.
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From: polar bear <bear@pole.com>
Hmmph. Never let facts get in the way of a good lawsuit, I always say.
pb