Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005

From: "End x Art" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Jul 14, 2005 12:27 PM

The Squealies are given to SubGenius males. If I forget you let me know
and I will tell you what award you get this year. I forgot the
comprehensive list in my other bra:

Most Romantic--Prostata Contata
Most Gifted, Talented, and Awesome--Doktor Howl
Cutest--Reverend Alex
Most Lickable--Temujin9
Penis Gallery--Bachelors for "Bob"
Scary Teddy Bear Award--TIE!!! Legume/HellPope Huey
Most photogenic-THAT guy
Most Mysterious--TIE!!! Joe Cosby/nu-monet 8.0
Most OmniPotent/Most Fragile Awards--Reverend Stang
James Bond Award--Jesus
Studmuffin Award--Carter LeBlanc
Probably the Best in Bed--Angry Larry
Most Glamorous--Espira
Secret Porn Star Material--IMBJR
Most Fun to Tease--J'lahn
Homer Simpson: Sex God Award--Rev. Chris Lee
Best Hair--EMOTIONAL UPSET FOR 2005!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!! PATER NOSTRIL
LOSES THE CROWN! That guy who's name I don't remember but who had long
black hair and slept in his car across from us during X7.
Gynecologist Award-OverMan Philo Drummond
Most Exotic--Shining Path of Least Resistance
Most Cosmopolitan-Pope Black
Chefs are Sexy Award--nenslo
Endurance Award--Rev. Lovejoy
Best Sex God Reputation-- Modemac
Subliminally Sexy--Zontar
Had Sex with the Most Famous People--Assco
Exclamation Cliterature Award!!!!!!!--Sternodox

To be continued....

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: John Starrett <jstarret@sdc.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

Sniff! Snuffle...honk!

--
John Starrett

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "End x Art" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

Sexiest Academic/Most Sophisticated--John Starrett

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: John Starrett <jstarret@sdc.org>

Dang! Hooooeee! Yeehah!

Oh. Sophisticated. Yes, quite... I am rather pleased. Ahem.

--
John Starrett

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: HellPope Huey <HellPopeHuey@BOOM.net>

You shouldn't give out a "Probably Best In Bed" award; it should be a
"BEST IN BED" award and you know what it would take to decide that one,
huffa huffa huffa.

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer <seventhsqueal@verniciouskanit.com>

Woof, Pope Perro, woof.

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "End x Art" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

Most Favored of the Sex Goddesses of Planet X and Kirstie
Allie/Bodacious in all 11 Dimensions Awards--iDrMrSr
Chefs who can cook gourmet food at Brushwood are even sexier
Award--Professor Pressure
Most Wanted to Titbag Award--Governor Locknar
Best Lay at a Drive-In Award--Doktor Dark

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "End x Art" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

Horniest in a Good Way Award--Paul Casino
So Manly He's Not Afraid to Have a Girl-sounding Name Award--Artemia
Salina
Holiest Son of a Bitch/Cuddliest Award--Pope Perro
Sexiest Aryan Devivalist--Konig Preusse
Joe D'Allessandro Sexy Palooka Award-Reverend SexMortus

Most Uninhibited TIE!!--Rev. Zorro/BanjoBob
Miss Congeniality--nenslo
Most Earnest--Chain Smerker
TechSultan Award--Fenian
AOOOOOGAHHHH Award--St. Bucky

Need Some Compny Guvna? Award--Pope Phil Monty
You Tarzan, Me Jane Award--That Guy with the Super Long Dredlocks
Hugh Hefner Award--Nikolai Kingsley
Rasputin Award--Cardinal Vertigo
Casanova Award--Richard Skull
Favored of Eris--Rev. Glandgland
Fucked in the Head, Good in Bed Award--Ferdinandande LeMur
Ride Me, Cowboy Award--Lonesome Cowboy Dave
AreWeMale? Award--AreWeGod
Larry Flint Award--Phineas Narco

Hunk o' Burnin' Love Award--Heart Ignition
Grooviest--Pater Nostril
Mr. Mammogram--Philo Drummond
Most Distinguished--DJ Shaver
Russ Meyer Award--DJ Epoch
Is That a Multiverse in Your Pocket? Award--J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Doktor of Pan'sSpermia--Doc Martian
White Hot Orgasm Award--Unclaimed Mysteries

M.I.B. Award (Most Important Boyfriend)--Dok Frop

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From: "Saint Bucky" <bucky@subgenius.com>

Sweet! I got an award!

What exactly was that for?

Oddly enough, at around 1:30am, i was wearing a plastic firemans hat.
But you didn't know that before you chose the siren sound for the
award, did you?

And in case you were wondering; yes, it did lead to sex.

So yeah, thanks.

Bucky
Canadian SubGenius Drinking Team

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

I don't remember seeing you at 8X-Day. I remember Joe Cosby bring
there, but not you!

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From: Zapanaz <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

>Oddly enough, at around 1:30am, i was wearing a plastic firemans hat.
>
>And in case you were wondering; yes, it did lead to sex.

Ol' dependable!

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer <seventhsqueal@verniciouskanit.com>

>
>Oddly enough, at around 1:30am, i was wearing a plastic firemans hat.
>But you didn't know that before you chose the siren sound for the
>award, did you?
>
>And in case you were wondering; yes, it did lead to sex.

I couldn't figure out who to give the
"Save Me Mr. Buff Fireman, Save Me!" Award until just now

AOOOOOOOGAHHH!!/"Save Me Mr. Buff Fireman, Save Me!" Award--St. Bucky

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "Paul Casino" <beefjerkyisgood@hotmail.com>

>Horniest in a Good Way Award--Paul Casino

I don't get it. What did I do to deserve this? I'm not THAT horny. I'm
repressed like Lewis Black, but I'm hardly the horniest.

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer <seventhsqueal@verniciouskanit.com>

OK.

Then your award is changed to:

The Boy Most Likely to--Paul Casino

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From: "Paul Casino" <beefjerkyisgood@hotmail.com>

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about, I'm all about doing...that thing.

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From: Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde <rabbs@subgenius.com>
>
> Most Romantic--Prostata Contata

Thank you for seconding my thoughts on the matter!

Where's an award for SExmortus and Sifu? I'd give them both exceptional
hubby trophies, but this is your ceremony.

--With love, the Rabbs

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From: "End x Art" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

Yes. Alas. Most of the YetiMen would rate the "Most Married Award" or
"Most Taken Award" but we'll focus on why they are attractive.

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: Pope Phil <pope_phil_minty@sunbgeniuz-yaho.co.uk>

aw heck. overlooked again.

I can't even be bothered to claim or seal any of these this time

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "Rev. fenian z'ruptrus regaliter." <fenian@start.ca>
Newsgroups: alt.slack

I hereby award you:
Freakiest lookin goddamn Pope!!! It's the shades. You somehow bring to mind
an abbatoir.

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: Pope Phil <pope_phil_minty@sunbgeniuz-yaho.co.uk>

shades? what shades?

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Subject: Re: Branch Salacian Squealies for 2005
From: "RevAlex" <stufpoto@hotmail.com>

Cutest. wow. that is a GENUINE honor, especially coming from you.

Guess I'll have to keep cuting it up. As I recall, the process involves
oversimplification of the features, which means i have to continue
taking these Hello Kitty pills.

Up one level
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Original file name: Branch Salacian Squealies#9A4C2 - converted on Monday, 18 July 2005, 17:18