<spammers_lie@rrclark.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jul 8, 2005 7:35 AM
So, here I sit, disappointed that the Rupture didn't
happen again this
year, and that "Bob" has once again been proven
to be unreliable about
his prediction of the coming of the Xists. I had a
feeling this would
be the case before leaving home last week for Brushwood,
and was rightly
justified to be the skeptic that I am about *any* religion,
especially
this one.
As I had written in this forum previously, I had hoped
to be on the road
before rush hour shenanigans kept me from making a clean
escape from the
Conspiracy clutches on Thursday afternoon, June 30.
That dream came
true, and the only real bottleneck on the trip was the
escape route from
Detroit, which was blocked by ongoing construction in
several areas of
I-75 on the 65 mile journey from home to the Ohio border.
With some
creative driving I managed to get around and through
those bottlenecks
with amazing grace.
The rest of the trip through Ohio, Pennsylvania, and
into New York was
largely uneventful. Sadly, due to her conspiracy commitments,
my
beloved, the Rev Karen Too Much, was unable to accompany
me on this
journey. Having the company of my son, the soon-to-be-ordained
Reverend
Nort Brayhnleek, was succor and comfort over the weary
pavement of the
Ohio Turnpike, a roadway of the damned, where the Conspiracy
awaits at
every exit to extract its coinage for simply wanting
to move from one
place to another. A quick pit stop to fuel our bodies
with fast food
and excremeditate briefly, and we were soon on our way.
We arrived at Brushwood just as dusk was falling, and
the contrast of
that world with stars to the light-polluted environs
of our habitation
in the Detroit region was stark, to say the least.
The Conspiracy works
to keep us from monitoring the activities of the Xists
by drowning out
all possibility of even seeing stars if one lives close
to its cities.
This is obviously to keep the people as sheep, fat for
the coming
slaughter. We quickly got our tent erected in alt.slack
woods, working
well by the light of a borrowed camp lantern provided
by Rev Cage, and
we were with adequate shelter that stayed dry, cool,
and comfortable.
May Rev Cage enjoy 50 sex goddesses on his saucer.
I question the
sanity of those who erect their shelters in the blazing
sunlight of the
field, which seeks to roast us and give us skin cancer
if overexposed to
it's blinding light.
Dr. Dark's Drive-In of the Damned provided much entertainment
that first
night, and each successive night thereafter, except
Saturday night, when
the Amino Acids, Lonesome Cowboy Dave, and the Minoan
Brain Eaters once
again graced the stage. Much frappy was consumed throughout
the trip,
shared very openly with many friends: Rev Phloigd,
Dave and Shannon
from Indianapolis, Rev Lee Burls, Doc Frop & SisD,
808, and pretty much
anyone else who would grab the pipe from my outstretched
hand. Slack
flowed out during these gatherings, so much so that
all thought of the
world outside Brushwood left my tortured mind.
The Deity Ball and bulldada auction were high points.
Pater Nostril
should have been blessed for his excellent idolatry.
All others who
participated
We missed many who did not attend this weekend. I know
of the evil that
is the Conspiracy, and curse them for keeping our beloved
brethren and
sistern from attending this gathering of blessed souls.
May the Slack
and frop of Dobbs be with them during their time of
torture.
I curse Rev Magdalen for having accepted Leonard the
Committed's offer
of being the bullhorn wrangler, for she disproved my
theory that anyone
so obnoxiously loud as Lenny should not need amplification.
I would see
that she burns in the pits of the devil. I curse her
name for having
proven that common sense does not prevail in this church.
However,
Leonard is not all that bad a guy, as he provided excellent
morning
coffee service and companionship throughout the weekend.
Banjo Bob should be made a Subgenius Saint for his constant
parroting of
the word "cunt" all weekend long, such that
I should laugh until my
sides ached. Slack flows from this individual like
snot from a runny
nose. May he be blessed with an erection that never
goes away come the
Rupture.
The baptismal font and community bathing pool were strangely
cold upon
our arrival to Brushwood, but this soon changed to comfortably
cool over
the weekend, probably due to an influx of pixie sprites
who are known to
fix things like pool heaters in the dark. I wish those
pixie sprites
would come to my house and fix my furnace and keep it
from being flooded
out every time it rains. May much frop and Slack be
forwarded their way.
Overall, the four days I spent at Brushwood were like
a trip to heaven,
where people generally got along well with each other
(with one notable
exception of which we will *not* speak), Slack was oozing
from every
pore of my tired body, and I was allowed to experience
the glory that is
"Bob" once again. Praise his holy name that
it may be such again when
we await the coming of the Xists at Brushwood this time
next year,
whichever year that may be.
Peace and good tidings and much Slack be to all who read this.
Yours in Dobbs,
The Left Reverend Egg Plant
(I must be Left because I sure as hell ain't Right)
PS I must inform all of the passing of the rubber chicken,
which was
hung by a lanyard around its neck and around my neck
all weekend long
and served as comedy relief for all who witnessed it
and which was then
hung from my car mirror afterward. I arrived to my
vehicle after work
last night to find that the poor chicken had not survived
the searing
heat and was beheaded, a sure sign that there are evil
forces about in
this world of clocks and dirty Pink boys who would shit
upon the bed
upon which I lay. Please offer up a fropstick in memory
of the chicken.
Original file name: 8X-Day After Action Report - converted on Monday, 18 July 2005, 17:18
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