From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 7, 2003 12:47 PM
This X-Day went by SO FAST that either I must have been
having a great
time the whole time or else Lil and Thea were fucking
with their Time
Discombobulator again. Nothing bad happened at all,
probably due to the
fact that Acidhead Guy was turned away by Brushwood
before he could do
any mischief. He did, however, call up and leave this
important message
after returning to his home: "Be sure to cover
the wooden rain barrel!
I have sent a fax to the U.N.!"
Yes, it did rain Friday night, a tremendous and powerful
downpour that
suddenly began and then suddenly stopped about half
an hour later. But
even the rain produced many good times as everyone dove
for the nearest
shelter and cowered together in a huddled mass. I was
near the main
stage when it happened and it was heartwarming the way
everyone pulled
together to keep the party going! After the power went
out Sexmortus
ran in the rain to get his van and bring it into the
pavilion so he
could blast out some music and run a strobe light from
his car battery.
I got to talk to lots of people that probably would
have been too busy
doing other things, if it hadn't been for that rain.
I even got to
listen to some people tell me things they probably should
not have ever
told anyone!
Then when the rain ended it was so funny seeing all
the bedraggled
SubGenii poking their heads out of their tents like
prairie dogs, then
eventually emerging to continue a party that lasted
until sun-up, much
to the dismay of eventual party hosts Schabe and Carrie.
Lest you think that it was all lovey-dovey hippie shit
at X-Day this
year, I should mention that Reverend Ivan Stang Himself
spewed out a
rant so fiery and hate-filled that some listeners were
literally struck
dumb with terror. Churning out a hate rant that was
topical and
relevant and yet took no sides, pulled no punches, and
let no hypocrite
rest easy, Rev. Stang proved that he is still the alpha-male
silverback
of SubGeniusdom.
Dr. Dark's drive in was soooo hilarious! There were
so many great hits
it would be hard to choose, but I have to say that "Jesus
Christ Vampire
Hunter" was my favorite! Now whenever people ask
me "Why did Jesus cut
his hair?" I can say "To hunt vampires, of
course!!" This movie also
revealed the little-known facts that you can pick up
lesbians at any
conveniently-located Lesbian Drop-In Center, and that
the skin of
Canadian Lesbians allows vampires to walk in daylight!
SubGTV, once only a vague concept -- a public access
SubGenius
television show -- is now a FULL-BLOWN REALITY that
looked absolutely
amazing on the big screen of the drive-in. My favorite
part of the
three episodes was the part where I eat chocolate in
the segment "The
Cocoa of Christ." Damn, I am one sexy chocolate
eater!! The rest of
the episodes were great too, especially the "There's
a Bug in my Ear"
segment!! Poor Mykal. But, as Nickie Deathchick spouted
late Saturday
night, "If only it wasn't so FUNNY that you were
hurt!" This is now the
official motto of all SubGenius First Aid workers.
THE AMINO ACIDS!!! I am now their biggest fan EVER!
You could tell
they were a great band just by LOOKING at them, and
that's even when
they don't have their outfits on! There's a sporty
one, a sensitive
one, a wild one, and a shy one! There should be a magazine
about them!!
Their show really revealed a lot about people, too.
While they were
playing their powerful, sexually raw, music/sound clips,
everyone stood
way back and watched. The second they began smashing
up televisions,
however, the crowd SURGED forward, excited almost to
orgasm by the
frenzy of destruction. I know MY panties were wet!
Smashy smashy!!!
There were TWO Bobtisms this year -- one in the pool
as usual, but
without the traditional whirlpool afterwards. It turns
out that the
Brushwood pool is not constructed of solid concrete
as is usually the
case, but is instead made of wood with vinyl lining
over it, which tears
apart when fifty heaving yetis exert their vortex power
on it. The
second Bobtism was held at Jesus' insistence in the
New Pond. This is a
freshly-made pond just recently scraped out of the earth,
not the scummy
pond with all the bodies in it that we threw Stang into
that one time.
This one was nice and clean and provided some very excellent
video
footage! Not many people were willing to go in it though,
because
unlike Christians our people are mostly a bunch of deskbound
computer
geeks who are frightened and confused by mud, guppies,
and water plants.
All the events were great, as usual, but of course it
is the parties and
theme camps that really make X-Day what it is. This
year's winners in
the Theme Camp Contest were:
#1: Pastor Pressure and Joyce's Never-ending Barbeque
with Vegetables
Also
#2: The Stranges' Weasel Den
#3: Doktor Dark's Bulldada Drive In
and Best of Show: The Quijibo Bar and Grill
There were many other great camps out there, but it
takes something
extra to win the Theme Camp contest. It takes bribery.
Yes, dear
friends, in THIS church we just come right out and tell
you the truth.
Bribery is the way to win the contest. You can have
the crappiest camp
ever, but if the bells and whistles come out when the
judges come by,
how will THEY know any different!
Some people, like Joy D'Veeve, didn't work too hard
on decorations and
such, but did make outstanding bribery efforts, such
as providing judges
with an unexpected mango. Others, such as #subgenius,
put a lot of
effort into their campsite decorations and gimmicks,
but severely
neglected the bribery aspect. Why, this judge was not
even opped on
their scrolling hardcopy IRC! A funny joke I'm sure,
but no way to win
the COLD HARD CASH PRIZES of the contest.
However, it takes more than bribing just one judge to
win. When
considering your theme camp for next year, remember:
if you want to win
that moolah, you gotta bribe them ALL. Past winners
have all featured
the giving away of things that everyone wants: frop,
coffee, booze, etc.
This year Pastor Pressure and Joyce swept the first-place
votes by
cutting to the most basic desire of all and providing
FOOD. Others in
the past have attempted this same maneuver but failed
because unlike
Pastor Pressure and Joyce they forgot that at least
three judges are
vegetarians! A big slab of seared meat can only win
you so many votes,
but if you serve it with herbed salad and steamed asparagus,
you've got
yourself a real winner!
Location is an important factor in your chances of winning.
If you
can't get a good spot on a crossroads, like Quijibo
did, make sure that
your theme camp is prominently decorated so that the
judges can find it!
The Naked People's Camp was spacious, friendly, and
the bribes flowed
freely, but only two of the judges managed to run across
it because it
was in an unusual place and not marked with any signage.
Man your stations! Some camps that might have placed
as winners didn't
do as well as they could have done because when judges
arrived there,
there was no one around. Of course you shouldn't give
up all your slack
to wait around your own fire on the off chance that
a judge might come
by, but if your location and decorations are good enough,
you should be
able to recruit people to keep the party going there
while you go off to
explore. At the very least, leave out refreshments!!
Fire!! One of the most overlooked elements of a prize-winning
camp is a
large, toasty fire. Judges usually do not like huddling
over a small
fire, perhaps endangering their robes by leaning in
dangerously close.
Judges like to sprawl out on roomy chairs or inflatable
couches while
staying nice and warm! If you are not sure how to go
about making a
nice large fire, just ask Ed Strange or any of the Brushwood
fire
guys -- they can't get enough of burning stuff and will
be more than
happy to show you how to burn lots of stuff.
I hope these tips and tricks help you as you make your
plans to win the
big money next year!! I can't wait to see what your
twisted minds have
in store!!!
--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.
--Bill Palmer on SubGenii
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MARY MAGDALEN'S X-DAY REPORT and TIPS AND
TRICKS FOR WINNING!
From: "Rev. Nickie" <nickie@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 7, 2003 10:49 PM
Message-ID: <d453c88f82c4bc537be84c6a1a532408@free.teranews.com>
"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
wrote in news:AuhOa.66223
$TJ.3322034@twister.austin.rr.com:
> The rest of
> the episodes were great too, especially the "There's
a Bug in my Ear"
> segment!! Poor Mykal. But, as Nickie Deathchick
spouted late Saturday
> night, "If only it wasn't so FUNNY that you
were hurt!" This is now the
> official motto of all SubGenius First Aid workers.
God....Rev. Bob Wild confirms that I said this, but
I barely remember it.
He thinks I was talking about Banjo Bob, but man.....I
must have been
having fun that night.
-Rev. Nickie DrunkChick
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: MARY MAGDALEN'S X-DAY REPORT and TIPS AND
TRICKS FOR WINNING!
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
You were indeed talking about Banjo Bob. He approached
you and
mentioned that he was upset that you laughed at his
injuries at some
unspecified previous time, and that was your answer.
Neither of you
were in a state to explain more fully. I guess N*G*
got that story.
--
They are mean because they are rejects from society.
--Bill Palmer on SubGenii