From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 28, 2003 1:07 PM
Message-ID: <280620031307453869%stang@subgenius.com>
Yesterday evening, Wei and I were in her car heading
for the post
office. She hit a pot-hole or something, and suddenly
there was a
terrible repetitive thumping noise from the back, like
a flat tire.
We pull into a parking lot and start changing the tire,
which has
indeed flattened like hell.
I get the tire off, and we discovered, imbedded in it,
A GREAT BIG
RUSTY METAL HOOK, sort of like a meat-hook, but blunt
from use!
Surely all remember that hoary campsite tale of the
lovers who hear
horrible noises outside their car, and speed off into
the night, to
later find a HOOK with a bloody end attached to their
car door -- "THE
HOOK" of the ONE-HANDED KILLER MANIAC WHO ESCAPED
FROM THE STATE MENTAL
INSTITUTION JUST THE NIGHT BEFORE!!
Well, we are here to tell you that "THE HOOK"
is NOT Evil! Like the
Sasquatch, he is no fiend, but a MISUNDERSTOOD GENTLE
GIANT! With
PSYCHIC POWERS!
He somehow KNEW in his tortured psychic monster way
that Wei's OTHER
tire had a SLOW LEAK from a nail -- a slow leak which,
HAD "THE HOOK"
*NOT" SACRIFIED HIS HOOK IN DRAWING OUR ATTENTION
TO WEI'S REAR TIRES
IN GENERAL, would have caused Wei's car to suffer a
blow-out on the
lonesome highway to Brushwood -- while ALONE! At NIGHT!
Only to be
"aided" by 3 BRUTAL NON-SUBGENIUS RAPISTS!
With all the subsequent
trauma and nightmarishness.
-- and all of that scenario was PREVENTED by the SELFLESS
ACT of "THE
HOOK". Thanks to "THE HOOK," all we had
to do was replace that one tire
this morning, and get the slow leak repaired.
PRAISE "THE HOOK"!
(Not to be confused with "THE CLAW.")
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin,
TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The
Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: "The Hook" is back!
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>
The other possibility is that he was trying to leap
onto the top of
your car but he misjudged a little and landed in the
road and you ran
him over.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
"A president has got to be the calcium in the backbone,"
- George Bush Jr., struggling with coherency
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: "The Hook" is back!
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Maybe it's not the same "Hook". Maybe you
ran over an alligator. Beware of "Jolly
Rogers" and ticking noises.
--
"Proud and insolent youth,
prepare to meet thy doom."
-- Captain Jas. Hook
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: "The Hook" is back!
From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 28, 2003 5:59 PM
Message-ID: <8cc8cffc.0306281359.54a6d2a7@posting.google.com>
Stang, you're a lying bastard. Everyone KNOWS it was
YOUR hook; you
just left it on the trunk when you stopped for gas and
drove off
without putting it back on. Never try to kid the kidders,
fuck the
fuckers or hook the hookers.
--
HellPope Huey @ hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Popeye had selective elephantitis of the arms
and legs
For "Bob" hath said the Con shall fear
the child
and the doohickies of the child,
for the doohickies which hath come to the child
shall be the sand in the briefs of the pinkboys
- Rev. Socks
"I can't stay mad at what is essentially me.
I LOVE me!"
- "Futurama"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: "The Hook" is back!
From: Legume <none@yerbiz.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 28, 2003 4:33 PM
Message-ID: <Xns93A8A8AF0C3C0CortezLegume18465086@206.127.4.25>
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>HAD "THE HOOK"
> *NOT" SACRIFIED HIS HOOK IN DRAWING OUR ATTENTION
TO WEI'S REAR TIRES
> IN GENERAL, would have caused Wei's car to suffer
a blow-out on the
> lonesome highway to Brushwood -- while ALONE! At
NIGHT! Only to be
> "aided" by 3 BRUTAL NON-SUBGENIUS RAPISTS!
Hey, better than being "aided" by 3 brutal
SUBGENIUS rapists. Less chance
of them being really fucking ugly.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume
----------------------------------
Mecagum les cinc llagues de Crist,
mecagum D'eu, en la creu, en el fuster
que la fue i en fill de puta que va plantar el pi
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: "The Hook" is back!
From: El Queso <""the_cheese_23\"@(nospam)yahoo.com>
This is just a shore story, isn't it? You ran over another
homeless guy,
didn't you?
Queso