The WORLD will END on July 5th!! -- Modemac's Letter to the pagans

From: modemac@modemac.com (Modemac)
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.pagan,alt.paranormal,alt.atheism
Date: Fri, Apr 26, 2002

illo by SubVorkian

As we all know, the Apocalypse will arrive AT LAST AT 7:00 am on the
morning of July 5th! And the Church of the SubGenius is preparing for
the blessed event by gathering once again at the chosen Arrival Site
for the Escape Vessels of the Sex Goddesses: Brushwood! Home of
Starwood and the Blue Heron Festival! All those who join us will be
saved and ushered into an ETERNITY of blissful SEXHURT when the moment
arrives...as long as they have paid their all-important SubGenius
Ordainment Fee of $30!

There may be some of you who will be embarking on the SPRAM (Sacred
Pilgrimage to Rupture All Mutants) for the very first time, as you
come to join us at Brushwood to celebrate THE END. If you have never
been among our kind before, then you should be aware that our mighty
leader, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, has entrusted us all with THREE COMMANDMENTS
to shreve our shouls at Brushwood:

Commandment #1:

BRING ONE PERSON WITH YOU WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO X-DAY BEFORE.

Those of you who are veterans of the previous X-Day drills will know
that there are many unsaved souls who *deserve* the "special
treatment" given to those chosen few at X-Day. Therefore, it is up to
you to bring as many people with you as possible!

Commandment #2:

PREPARE FOR THE END.

X-Day is a completely spontaneous celebration, and as usual no
"scheduled events" are planned. But a lot of great stuff happens
there, because people get off their asses and DO stuff to make it a
grand time! Every year we see a few whiners who sit back and ask "is
something gonna happen, man? This is boring!" But these losers are
vastly outnumbered by the ones who DO things and make X-Day a truly
memorable event!

Therefore: if there is something that YOU want to see happen at X-Day,
then go ahead and MAKE IT HAPPEN! When the Rupture happens, YOU can
be there with us, and YOU can cause something special to happen at the
great moment! (Play music, stage a show, drink tainted Kool-Aid...)
Likewise, YOU can stage your own event and get lots of others to take
part!

Which leads to Commandment #3:

BRING STUFF.

The best way to prepare for the end and make things happen is to BRING
stuff with you! Aside from the essentials needed to survive the End
of the World (camping gear, food, etc.), you can also put together a
box of weird stuff and FIND a use for it at X-Day! You can bring lots
of extra food and trade it away, or have a barbeque, or use it for
kinky food porn, or who knows what else. You can stage a performance
art piece. You can bring your instruments and get on stage to blow
away the audience! You can build things, you can destroy things...you
can do ANYTHING YOU WANT! (As long as you don't steal away the Slack
of your fellow revellers, that is.)

More details on X-Day (including directions and cost) can be found at:

http://www.modemac.com/x-day

REPENT! THE END TIMES ARE HERE AT LAST!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- illo by Popess Lilith

From: "St. Marc the Perpetually Amused" <disciple@templeoferis.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.pagan,alt.paranormal,alt.atheism

>
> I urge all Discordians to disrupt this blasphemous celebration

I tried that last year. They were so upset when the Escape Vessels didn't
show up again that frankly, they didn't even notice anything we could do
short of actually hitting them with big sticks and after a while my arms got
tired.

> (or get laid).

Good plan. It's only been about half an hour, but better safe than sorry.

St. Marc