From: "Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus" <RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 9, 2002 12:21 PM
Short cause I am still in pain and may go for x-rays
but I filmed a lot
, funny shit including our date with Doc Frop (we won
him in
the flesh auction), The Jesus assassination attempt
with that black staff
you found at our campsite, etc.... I ended up with
3hrs of footage.
It will take me a long time to fully type up my X-Day
5 report but here are
some Highlights...
The night of a thousand fears - Dr. Lon, Rev. Justin
Case and myself being
stalked by aluminum Nazi hell creatures from the hollow
earth.
The successful assasination of Mary Magdalen, I could
take the rumors
anymore so we chopped her up and spread her body parts
around the camp
(people thought they were Barbie doll parts) then I
sent a robot replacement
out of alt.slack woods. SO LET THEE BE NO MISTAKE NOW!
Mary is a robot.
We lost Doc Frop in Alt.Slack woods, he may still be
wondering, the real
D.F. will live in alt.slack woods forever. We threw
together a quick stick
figure made of branches and leaves, using a sophisticated
rope and pulley
system for his replacement. I hope Sis D likes her new
Hubby, we modeled him
after the Beefcake Picture.
The failed assassination attempt of Jesus.
The loss and recovery of my super power of flatulence.
There is so much more. I don't have time now but will
soon. It'll take me a
long time to type it, then I have video to edit. I don't
want to rag on
here.
Anywaze, I think everyone at XDV now knows Reverend
Sinphaltimus Exmortus,
Reverend Lord Sloth, Reverend Samhain Greystar, and
Reverend Gonzo (BIG
BRIGHT YELLOW TAXI PICKUP SERVICE). If they didn't see
me, they heard me, if
they didn't love me, they feared me.
Before I continue I want to add this simple fact.
FEDCOMS HAS MADE CHURCH HISTORY!
For reasons I can't discuss yet, know this, the original,
one and only,
owned by Jesus Christ himself, SEVEN BLADED WIND BREAKER
(which broke my
wind) is in the possession of The First Ever Digital
Church Of Mind Slack
(FEDCOMS).
It is safe, I will return it in perfect condition on
X-Day 6, but not before
I do some experiments on it and of course seal it in
a clear plexi-glass
case to ensure it will never again be used to break
my wind. I will then
either return it to Rev. Ef (poor guy wanted to sell
it, as if I could let
that happen before regaining my flatulence), Jesus,
or Stang on X-Day 6 once
I know my ass is safe.
The funniest part about it was the very last day of
slack, gather in Tranq.
Base and saying good-byes, I had the 7BWB in my ass
the whole time. It even
fell out of my shorts at one point but no one noticed.
All the hugs good-bye
and the consistent re-adjustment of the damned thing
and NO ONE FELT IT or
discovered my secret. See I got to T.B. thinking Doc.
Frop was setting us up
for an ambush so I brought the 7BWB with me, concealed
in the seat of my
short for protection, I knew that If indeed we were
walking into a trap, At
least I would be safe because I possessed the most powerful
of church
artifacts mentioned in both "The Book of the Subgenius"
and "Revelation X".
It wasn't until we made our great escape that I finally
ripped it from my
buttocks, Samhain shined a light on it and we Mocked,
and flaunted it in
front of the eyes of all the ancient ones in the church,
the elder gods if
you will. I saw the look on their faces, I knew they
were confused. I
personally don't think that Stang believes I could have
acquired such an
artifact but I did. The very last words I heard from
the group was a
familiar one. It was the voice of Doc. Frop as he said
just loud enough for
me to hear him "We're gonna kill you S.Exmortus."
Well Doc Frop, your gonna have to win me at the XD6
Flesh Auction if ya
wanna kill me.
Damn look, I'm typing too much, I'm gonna have to cut
and paste this into my
official report later. OK, By now!.
--
Sincerely yours, forever Bob's,
The Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus
of the
First Ever Digital Church of Mind Slack
http://www.Digital-Church.com
A Totally Independent Clench of
The Church of the SubGenius
THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION
PO BOX 204206
AUSTIN, TX 78720-4206
Send $1 and S.A.S.E. for more info
or visit
www.subgenius.com
or email
RevSExmortus@nyc.rr.com
or die pink
or kill me
"Exterminate all rational thought" W.S.B.
16*2*!!
Original file name: XDAY5teaserreport-Sinphalti.txt - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21
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