View from the Banzai -- Dances with Rockets

From: swamp <swampradio69@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 9, 2002 4:11 PM

Dances with Rocket's VXD BonoBo-a-Go-Go Banzai Smackdown Report

You've no idea how fun it is to be me while I'm rockin' yo' asses. To
look into that sea af faces - every single one plastered with that
shiteatin' grin. I KNEW you were all going to be blown away by the new 3-
guitar lineup. A new day in OUTLAW has arrived. You
were just the first to witness it before I start unleashing it on the
world.

As I looked out (hey, I even remembered MOST of the words to the songs
this time too) while thumpin' my thud staff, all I could see was smiling,
dancing columns of wavering blue light. I made lots of eye contact while
on stage this time, (tee hee - especially with Rev Racheal <sp?> You
broke my heart up there. ;] ALL the gals broke my heart up there. I
wanted SO BAD to jump down and dance with you all... but then I
remembered that I was making the music that you were dancing to, so that
wouldn't quite work.) I was having FUN up there... LOTS of fun. The
fingers were HOT. I was worried about the cold making my fingers stiff,
but the more I played, the looser things got, and by the time we got to
Sympathy, I was nailing those Kieth Richards bass licks right on cue.
(Kieth -not Bill Wyman- played bass on the original recording). It was
also a great big wad of FUN having my pal Legume on stage with me. The
sound quality probably sucked, but I didn't care in the least. -I- could
hear it... and -I- got to stand three inches from his scowling face as we
improvised on the Full Metal Jacket/ Peter Gunn encore. Beautiful... just
freakin' beautiful. Legume... you are most definitely now an ESO brother.
As far as next year... dude... the spot on stage right is already held
for ya'.

This was the order for Saturday night. My memory of the order of things
in the encore set are fuzzy... but I think I git it.

Bang a Gong
Ghost Riders
Highwayman
Kawliga
Sex Dimension
Shanda Handa
Whipping Post
Faith Healer
Prsident's on the Phone
Sympathy for the Devil
Arizona
Wanted Man
Rusty Cage
No Epectations (w/'Gume on harmonica)
(encore set)
I Fought the Law
Full Metal Jacket Improv (Chas & 'Gume "induct" the recruits)
Stepping Stone
Final Solution

We also came up with the theme for next year for the T-Base. Gone will be
Club Tiki Banzai... GONE will be the Bonobo-a-Go-Go. More on that below.

I think I even disgusted myself there... -but not NEARLY AS BAD AS MY
DRUMMER DID on Friday night. Hell... BOTH my drummers. Yikes dudes, hope
ya don't live too far from the free clinic. Wanton depravity doesn't even
begin to describe the procedings. Down the rabbit hole they went, smoked
the hookah, made the white knight talk backwards, but forgot what the
Doormouse said. BUT!!!... what's a mother to do? A few years ago my then
new bass player, Nikki spent her first Starwood sat. night bonfire
covered in hot wax and used as a pin cushion by the whole damned SMBD
pagan camp. I've learned to adjust to the depravity of musicians.

And Praise EVERYONE OF YOU BASTARDS who partied your hearts out to the
thunder jams at Tiki Banzai. One big family of gypsies, tramps and
thieves... Praise you all... fuck BoB... and get Connie up on the cross
'cause we gonna be making some iced waffles. Praise Legume who sloshed
drinks at the bar night after night. Praise Strange for his alternate
campsite parties just a spit distance from T-Base, and for sloshing
drinks when 'Gume wasn't. Praise the New York State Highway Patrol for
not being there. Praise the stage people who somehow came up with all the
mics we needed and making the big rock show flow smoothly. Praise those
who came bearing gifts for Bonobo-a-Go-Go. Praise the people who made
sure I was kept fed too. Praise ya'ALL... 'cause there's just too many
that had fun and made it all fun.
FropDecadRabCodiNikiStangWeiAllthegalsand EVERYONE. and even the Monan
too.

Praise the pagans... but let me tell you a little story about that. Last
weekend when I was at Brushwood, (before VXD) at the roundhouse late at
night, one of the pagans said to me that they would be keeping a close
eye on the childrens section during X-Day... that the SubGs were weird
and they were worried about their own children who play there. I FUCKIN"
BLEW UP... IN the roundhouse at him... for all to hear. It took Rafael
and Allen to calm me down... who walked me back to my camp when I chewed
the dude a new asshole and walked out of there. I mean, I certainly know
that we're a depraved bunch, but this was WAY over the line. I guess he
was speaking freely to me because I'm there at Brushwwod on weekends as
just another drummer. But damn dude... we're not going to make off with
your five year old. It just rubbed me the wrong way, and I made that
emotion very clear to everyone in there. I know this was just one asshole
pinkboy pagan, and that the vast majority of the pagans there are my good
friends who I party and drum with most every weekend, but URGHHHHH.
Pissed me off big time. I never told anyone about it all, but I guess
they thought I would start a war or something by doing so.

SO... it was very VERY nice to see the olive branch gesture made at the
roundhouse. The pagans "Did the right thing." I'm actually proud of them.
They are my brothers, but sometimes I want to smack 'em upside da head.
If they read this, I'm sorry for exploding in the roundhouse, but I'm
also proud of the way you handled me in that state, as well as the rest
of the Church with that heartfelt gesture.

On to other things...

By the way... I took care of that rat bastard Dobbs late late Thursday
night too. He parked his as in Tranquility Base like some forlorn bobbie,
and WOULDN'T LEAVE. He didn't dance... didn't tip the bar... didn't talk
to anyone, just sat there wanting some praise or something like that.

I couldn't TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I walked into my hutch and pulled down my tool of choice from the wall. I
pulled out my compound bow, set the sumbitch on 85 lb. pull, loaded up a
shaft and let one rip into Dobb's heart... BUT THE DAMNED BASTARD
REPELLED IT. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? That was just a sumbitchin' 85 pound
thrust of arrow that bounced off Dobb's chest. I was not about to be
stopped though. I pulled another arrow from the quiver and repeated my
shot. AGAIN THAT RAT BASTARD SALESMAN repelled my shot, the arrow
bouncing into the brush... Dobb's just glaring at me. OH... alright you
sumbitch... I'm in no mood. I released one more arrow from the rubber
latch that holds them in the quiver, set the notch into the string,
looked up at 'Gume and Codini and whoever else was there for a moment,
then mumbled something about "fuckin' bullet proof vest..." jacked that
cable back and popped the twang right into Dobb's brain, just above his
right eye. And he sat for the rest of the week in front of T-Base as a
reminder to the no camera zone policy... arrow protruding from the brain
of Dobbs. Someone did eventually hang him from the tree there, but what
was the point then? Do the job, clean up the mess, put your tools away.
I'm sure he'll be back, but at least he stayed put for the rest of X-Day.

There is also no video of this event, as it happened in T-Base Tiki
Banzai. I feel kinda bad though, 'cause he WAS JUST sitting there. I'm
used to a moving target or one that's shooting back. But Dobb's just sat
there, with the complexion of some old crusty cumtowel, staring into the
fire.

In light of all these events, next years T-Base theme will be...

The Blue Moon Saloon

Being spanked and whipped to techno was too cliche... next year the music
for the "sessions" will be Willie Nelson. Western cowboy will be the
attire of desire. Floor Shows will be the rage... Cowboy Poetry Night...
There WILL be a piano.

See ya then, cowboys and cowgirls

Till then... keep your hat on tight
Your back to the wind
And your sack in the saddle

Peace - luv - frop - turn blue - stay sick

~ Dances with Rockets
aka. Chaz

Proprietor: Tranquility Base

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>

swamp wrote:

> It was also a great big wad of FUN having my pal
> Legume on stage with me.

I gotta say after 18 years of playing that old Blues Harp by myself, it was
damn sweet to actually break cherry abd play it with a band...and I can't
think of a band I'd rather have played with that Einstein's Secret Outlaws.

> Legume... you are most definitely now an ESO brother. As far as next
> year... dude... the spot on stage right is already held for ya'.

Thanks, bro. I'll be seeing you in Akron next month, and we'll do it again.

--
Legume ESO
"Einstein's Seventh Outlaw"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <Xns9246A596C4B1Fg65ff56ffg@207.217.77.26>, swamp
<swampradio69@yahoo.com> wrote:

>
> In light of all these events, next years T-Base theme will be...
>
> The Blue Moon Saloon
>
> Being spanked and whipped to techno was too cliche... next year the music
> for the "sessions" will be Willie Nelson. Western cowboy will be the
> attire of desire. Floor Shows will be the rage... Cowboy Poetry Night...
> There WILL be a piano.
>
> See ya then, cowboys and cowgirls
>
> Till then... keep your hat on tight
> Your back to the wind
> And your sack in the saddle

Well I sure hope ya'll can get your accents right by then.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: swamp <swampradio69@yahoo.com>

Legume <legume@subgenius.com> wrote in
news:Xns924753D999E8DCortezLegume18465086@128.242.171.114:

>
> I gotta say after 18 years of playing that old Blues Harp by myself,
> it was damn sweet to actually break cherry abd play it with a
> band...and I can't think of a band I'd rather have played with that
> Einstein's Secret Outlaws.
>

How 'bout that... I popped 'Gumes rock-slut cherry. Best boy pussy I've
had in years.

>
> Thanks, bro. I'll be seeing you in Akron next month, and we'll do it
> again.

Induction ceremony... into the army of Tiki... at war with THOSE WHO FAKE
THE FUNK!

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Original file name: ViewfromtheBanzai.txt - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21