Report on the Condition of My Report -- Rev. Stang

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 9, 2002 1:04 PM

I haven't looked at or even labeled any of the videotapes from XD5.

The audio tapes of Saint N and ESO concerts DO sound "OKAY." I don't know if I'd go so far as to say "pretty okay" but they are listenable and you can understand the lyrics and hear all the instruments, if I set the spread from the 3-track JUST SO. And it's all there. And I broke off the erase-tabs so I can't erase them.

The audio of these shows might be better on the Volkerding disk; dunno. Might be better on my High 8 cam... dunno. Will be WEIRD on my hand held digital cam since I was all over the place with it. That cam has no bass response in its onboard mike though, NONE.

I found the list of the Bobbie Awards and the set list from ESO, which I will transcribe and post. I found the print-out of Pisces' Connie rant which she left on stage, and I found the hand written notes for Asquire's rant, which was actually all lifted from the Pamphlet #1 o first page of the Book. (No wonder his rant sounded so good -- I wrote it! In 1979!)

AND while unpacking, I found:

THE GIFTS AND GLORIOUS ACQUISITIONS.

THE NEW QUIJIBO DOUBLE ISSUE!!! MAN!!! This is not only the ONLY, but STILL the greatest Sub-Zine and better each issue! I was shocked to find that many of the Subs at XD5 HAVE NEVER SEEN A QUIJIBO. Well if you haven't, you're FUCKED and DON'T EVEN KNOW IT!

THE SUSIE THE FLOOZY POSTER SIZED PAPER COLLAGES of BULLDADA CLIPS FROM MAGAZINES. There are 4 of them. They are to paper what Susie's radio edits are to tape. THE PENULTIMATE EVOLUTION OF BULLDADA. She finished these large canvases right there at Briushwood and gave them to me while the glue was still drying. Of course they are too big to work as small web art; they can ONLY be reproduced as giant sized posters. In full living color. So my only choice given our budget is to carefully scan these fuckers section by section and attempt to make mini-collages from the giant master collages.

YOU'LL SHIT, take my word for it. I did.

THE SUSIE THE FLOOZY HOUR LONG TAPE COLLAGES of BULLDADA CLIPS FROM ALL MEDIA WITH SOUND. Rather than sell them at the Bulldada Auction I copped 3 WREK Susie shows for HoS re-poot.

THE CALENDARS!!! The Beefcake Calendar and the Connietite Calendar are both LUSCIOUS looking. St. Marc hs printed these perfectly on thick paper. They must cost a fortune each. I got one each free for doing lots of Photoshop tweaking on some pages. (Me, Wei and Sphinx Drummond.) The only pages of the Beefcake Calendar that aren't killer artworks are the few for guys that are actually GOOD LOOKING. Most of us had to work and make art out of our pictures so as to distract the viewer's eye from our actual faces and flabby wimpy bodies by sleight of hand or else by Goo and Smudge Tool.

THE SUSIE THE FLOOZY CRATE of BULLDADA TOYS, ARTIFACTS, PROMO ITEMS and CRAP FROM ALL ATLANTA THRIFT STORES. This makes for a hilarious list unto itself. I should probably spread the stuff out on my white carpet and photograph them there. It's her TOY BOX equivalent of her radio show.

Susie is one of the most talented and productive artists in the Church, yet she would have us believe that her tits are her best feature. Which is not a hard trick for her to pull off. Said Stang, as he pulled off.

LIL'S CD-R of ALL-METAL BAND MPEGS!
Lil's CONNIE STICKERS!
The WEDDING PRESNT from the newlyweds!
STACKS AND STACKS of CDs by SubGenii. (Cozmodiar tried to SELL me his! True SubGenius nerve!) Rev. Humdinger had compiled like 8 or so CDs of his FAVORITE BITS from Hour of Slack -- I will be thrilled to see what somebody thinks is EXTRA GOOD! (We get ZERO specific commentary, practically.)
Some Negativland rarities from Rev. Willie Hanks!
That fucked up book "BLINDSIDED! Planet X Passes in 2003 - EARTYH CHANGES!" from Steve Cynic.
I found Nu-Monet's Calendar of SubGenius Saints Birthdays, two copies, among the papers....
A tape of me ranting at the skeptics society a couple of months ago that has been bootlegging around (I had no copy)
The Gay Guide to Gay Amsterdam!
Some new audio work of some kind from Rev. SOSODADA!
AN ANIMATRONIC THREE STOOGES DISPLAY from jesus and Magdalen! Unbelieveable -- a scene from Hell in which bad robot homunculi of the Three Wise Guys eternally torment each other, whacking each other with golf clubs and playing low-res sound clips of their patented utterancesm yowls and nyuk-nyuks.
MORE MONEY FROM GOVERNOR ROCKNAR!
I STOLE a couple of things from the Auction box for the Foundation because I thought I could do something with them, notably the DVD of "The Omega Code."
I BOUGHT a dozen bulldada and goodfilm classics from Chas at his Tranquillity Base shop -- quite a bargain.

This is only partial list and I'm almost certainly leaving out something unforgiveably cool. BBut... I'll catch up eventually.

I have culled down Wei's excellent still photos and as soon as I name them a bit I'll post them. Also, one of the pagan Wood Busters who made the bonfire for us posted some photos of it -- REALLY high res ones -- on his own website and told me to get them, which I did, and I will post those also.

I will put all this shit on SubSITE in a couple of days after more written bragging and lying trickles in.

The thing I MOST want to do is locate the best copy of the music concerts and get them onto MP3 just for my own fun of playing.

BLACKOUT -- no packages came for me from you to Brushwood before or during the festival. I'm gonna be out there at Brushwood again in two weeks for Starwood though. And Pater Nostril works there -- he'll nab your whatever-it-is if it comes in and kee it safe.

Oh yeah -- THE "BOB" DUMMY was KIDNAPPED on the very last day. Vanished from Ed Strange's camp just about the time that legume and Chas left. The original plan was to leave the "Bob" dummy hanging crucified from a very high tree in Tranquility Base, where we could watch it slowly rot over the years, perhaps always taking photos from a certain spot so that later they could be stitched together as frames of a time-lapse movie of the "Bob" dummy rotting like a Morlocks skeleton at the climax of The Time Machine.

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <Vg_W8.9384$uf3.3918390@news2.news.adelphia.net>, Asquire
<asquire1313@hotmail.com> wrote:

> just wanted to let you know that before I said the parts of my rant that was
> from the Book of the Subgenius, I credited you for them.
>

WHOA, good thing you told me in time to call off the Winged Monkeys!
They had ALMOST passed the fail-safe point.

They look like beautiful women and would have fucked you to near death
as punishment, but I called them back in time.

CLOSE! Damn close.

Actually I'm GLAD to see new preachers bellowing BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS
stuff -- some of the basics tend to get forgotten. I myself had almost
FORGOTTEN that damn pledge, and there was a time when I could recite it
from memory. (My KIDS probably still CAN!) Your bellowing was very
heartfelt and your Kentucky "Southern poebucker" accent -- GOD'S
LANGUAGE, friends -- is definitely suited to Subgenius doctrinal
haranguing, for sure.

Heck I cribbed all that stuff from Dobbs' old napkin scrawlings anyway.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

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Original file name: ReportontheCondition.txt - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21