Mary Magdalen's XDV Report!!!

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jul 9, 2002 1:18 PM

XDV: BEST X-DAY *EVER*!!!

When the Lord and I pulled into Brushwood at 3AM Wednesday morning, we could
smell and feel that "Ahhhh yes, dear friends" X-Day feeling rising up from
the ground. Inside the trailer, there was a gorgeous busty woman sleeping
on a cot! And it was Popess Lilith! That was when we truly knew it had
begun.

Thursday I was rudely awakened with the news that it was time to start
working Registration. I said, "Aww come on, let me sleep a few more hours,
nobody ever gets here 'til Friday anyway." Boy was I wrong! They just kept
comin' and comin' until we actually used up an entire set of wristbands and
had to get more! The membership packs were gone in the first hour! And
talk about your hotties! Whooo! So many new faces, and so many of them
were so incredibly attractive! It looks like that breeding experiment the
Old Doktors did twenty years ago is finally paying off!

Friday and Saturday registration weren't as busy -- apparently this year
most people got their priorities straight and said "Fuck Work, I'm goin' to
X-Day EARLY so I can see ALL the cool shit!". There were SO MANY people!
I hear that this is largely due to Armand and Malibu Barbie Geddyn's
tireless promotion of the "Bring Someone Who Has Never Been Before"
campaign! Thank you Geddyns!!!

The days all run together in my mind so I'll just give you a collage of
memories:

TwoBeans doing a striptease! Wau! He was EERILY GOOD at it too!

SuperHero's Ball!! Buy the video! There's no way I can explain how
incredibly funny it was, and the great music by DJ Shaver! It was like
stepping inside your TV on a Saturday morning! Except there were more
dildoes!

The calendar signing where I filled in for Rev. Cletus of Quijibo, who
thought it was at 6PM (or so he claims). I hate to disappoint you, but
those of you with calendars signed by me on behalf of Cletus -- he probably
doesn't actually "Want you BAD!".

The Flesh Auction (which I think should be renamed Win-A-Date-O-Rama). It
was not only hilarious, but I picked up some GREAT bargains! I got all five
Bachelors for "Bob" for only SIX DOLLARS! And I got a young massage school
graduate for only five! I bought one just because he was wearing corduroy!
I felt so proud of the Lord as he went for a record-breaking ONE HUNDRED
DOLLAHS!!!! WHOOO!

I myself was bought by the lovely and mysterious Mr. Foxy Morocco of
Bachelor's for "Bob", which presented a paradox since I had also bought HIM
as part of the package deal. In the end it all worked out with me spending
a lot of time with these sexay newcomers to the Church at their fabulous
tiki-styled bachelor lounge, where they provided me with beverages,
pretzels, fruit, lap-dances and fun-dip. They are also amazing
conversationalists! They should be a boy band! There's a poet, a writer,
an astrophysicist, a photographer, and a guy who wears a cock on his chin!
Pure ratings GOLD! It's no wonder they won the FIRST PRIZE in the Theme
Camp competition!

The other winners were Bonobo A-GoGo tiki lounge and Froplandia. Both those
places were great and complemented each other beautifully. If you were
looking for loud music, dancing and great guacamole, Bonobo A-GoGo was the
place to be. If you wanted a mellow, sitting-down hangout, Froplandia had
it all!

Who knew that Doktor Codini was such a great cook! And he's so cute, too!
Whew!

When will the young people learn to wear ear protection???? WHEN????

Mojo ought to have been spanked. Again.

How about those Volkerdings! Whooeee that Honeypie is one hot mama! And
ol' Patrick is nothing to sneeze at either!

The Burning of the Ikon was TRULY a miracle! It went from drunken idea to
reality in less than 24 hours! They even built it so it wouldn't crush
people in a fiery inferno of death when it fell down! Praise Jason and the
other pyromaniac Brushwood hunks!

It was the BEST EVER!!!!!

My only regrets are: I wish I had done some things more! A LOT more! I
wish there were more hours in the day and you never had to get tired or
hungry! I wish I hadn't forgotten my shimmer tights. I wish I had
remembered to wear my iridescent pink hot pants. I wish I had a golf cart.

THAT IS ALL!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------art by Rev. Emki

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <TVEW8.75108$q53.1962790@twister.austin.rr.com>, Rev.
Magdalen <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote:

> talk about your hotties! Whooo! So many new faces, and so many of them
> were so incredibly attractive! It looks like that breeding experiment the
> Old Doktors did twenty years ago is finally paying off!

"Run down there and fuck some of those cows? No, let's WALK down there
and fuck ALL of those cows." -- G. Gordon Gordon

>
> TwoBeans doing a striptease! Wau! He was EERILY GOOD at it too!

Yes, I was a bit disturbed by that. I got some of his life history
during our ill fated car trip, but it didn't include any of THAT...
which now makes me nervous. What third bean is Two Beans hiding?

When Legume bobtized Two Beans he muttered, "Rev. Two Beans, eh? Well,
I guess that makes three of us."

>
> SuperHero's Ball!! Buy the video! There's no way I can explain how
> incredibly funny it was, and the great music by DJ Shaver! It was like
> stepping inside your TV on a Saturday morning! Except there were more
> dildoes!

That is correct! I was cracking up ALMOST CONSTANTLY! I had hoped that
every possibly permutation of the "I didn't have a costume but here's
this killer non-costume CONCEPT" would surface and by Gobbs they sure
did.

Our memories are a bit gold-plated, though. I was looking through the
pictures and there WERE a couple of Super Heros that were lame to the
point of being horribly embarrassing. But their signifyings were short
and the memory was kind of erased by the numerous hilarious ones.

I find myself STILL worshipping Mein Cock. I will follow Mein Cock
anywhere.

>
> The Flesh Auction (which I think should be renamed Win-A-Date-O-Rama). It
> was not only hilarious, but I picked up some GREAT bargains! I got all five
> Bachelors for "Bob" for only SIX DOLLARS! And I got a young massage school
> graduate for only five! I bought one just because he was wearing corduroy!
> I felt so proud of the Lord as he went for a record-breaking ONE HUNDRED
> DOLLAHS!!!! WHOOO!

I heard some pretty weird descriptions of the forced slavery that some
of these "dates" entailed. The phrase, "They had Rev. Zorro doing 25
naked jumping jacks" keeps echoeing through my consciousness.

>
> I myself was bought by the lovely and mysterious Mr. Foxy Morocco of
> Bachelor's for "Bob", which presented a paradox since I had also bought HIM
> as part of the package deal. In the end it all worked out with me spending
> a lot of time with these sexay newcomers to the Church at their fabulous
> tiki-styled bachelor lounge, where they provided me with beverages,
> pretzels, fruit, lap-dances and fun-dip. They are also amazing
> conversationalists! They should be a boy band! There's a poet, a writer,
> an astrophysicist, a photographer, and a guy who wears a cock on his chin!
> Pure ratings GOLD! It's no wonder they won the FIRST PRIZE in the Theme
> Camp competition!

I'm glad you were able to go over there and properly exploit those
guys. I didn't get over there until dark and there was nothing to warm
a frozen SubGenius but booze, which tasting I spared everyone.
(Otherwise it would have been me and Acid Burnout Guy BOTH getting
booted out of camp after camp for wandering around YOWLING angry
slogans.) There but for the grace of teetotalling.

The Bachelors for "Bob" struck me as being so suave and debonair that
they rival the Quijibo Cartel. I also was VERY impressed by their
general demeanor, worldliness and studliness.

Wow, if only Brother Cleve would come to one of these. And The
Millionairre from Combustible Edison. It would be LOUNGE HEAVEN-HELL.

>
> How about those Volkerdings! Whooeee that Honeypie is one hot mama! And
> ol' Patrick is nothing to sneeze at either!

On the contrary, I think I sneezed right at him a couple of times. I
know I COUGHED pretty good.

>
> The Burning of the Ikon was TRULY a miracle! It went from drunken idea to
> reality in less than 24 hours! They even built it so it wouldn't crush
> people in a fiery inferno of death when it fell down! Praise Jason and the
> other pyromaniac Brushwood hunks!

Did you notice Jesus studying that thing while it teetered, then
carefully drawing an X on the ground where it was likely to fall, and
then grabbing Rev. Zorro and placing him directly on that X? (He
probably chose Zorro only because Zorro was the only SubGenius nearby
who is small enough to be lifted up like a chess piece and placed.)

Those Brushwood Wood Morlocks go by the title, The Wood Busters.
Princess Wei coined that name for them herself, years ago, when she had
a former boyfriend among them, GRRRR SNORT!!!

You guys should all be aware that the people who did that Ikon and
drumming and etc. were some of the SUPERSTARS of the local pagan scene.
Having Rev. Dennis Murphy of the Bull Cult chant our diety's name is a
REAL HONOR. (Well, he was a SubGenius already, actually, but he also
already had his own KICK-ASS Slack-cult.... Slack by any other name,
you know...)

We should also be glad that Dok Frop and Sister Decadence had been
there since Monday.... they are the best advance landing party and
emmissaries to the pagans that we could possibly have. I guarantee you
that their friendly influence had a lot to do with that whole thing.

Also, the Brushwood staffers seem to be very fond of Jesus, possibly
because He was their "youth counsellor" when they were young Starwood
sprouts.

>
> It was the BEST EVER!!!!!

Yes!

Thanks largely to you and Jesus, and that's no shit.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:090720021508158109%stang@subgenius.com...
>
> Yes, I was a bit disturbed by that. I got some of his life history
> during our ill fated car trip, but it didn't include any of THAT...
> which now makes me nervous. What third bean is Two Beans hiding?

You asking for a lap-dance, Scribe?

> When Legume bobtized Two Beans he muttered, "Rev. Two Beans, eh? Well,
> I guess that makes three of us."
>

Yes, the pool was awash in the smell of BEAN this year. It just goes to show
you that when three beans get together, one dunks Two into the water.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

On Tue, 09 Jul 2002 19:07:45 GMT, "Rev. Ivan Stang"
<stang@subgenius.com> wrote:

>The Bachelors for "Bob" struck me as being so suave and debonair that
>they rival the Quijibo Cartel. I also was VERY impressed by their
>general demeanor, worldliness and studliness.

The big difference is that we have home brew and hot babes
hangin' out with us. Rivals, nuthin!

-------------------
New Quijibo Out NOW!
#23 and The Other #23
http://www.quijibocartel.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Two Beans" <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:TVEW8.75108$q53.1962790@twister.austin.rr.com...
>
> TwoBeans doing a striptease! Wau! He was EERILY GOOD at it too!
>

What was even more eerie was the amount of guys wondering why I didn't show
the full monty. No wonder there's not enough single chicks in this church,
all the guys are queerer than "Bob" himself.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: md_archangel@hotmail.com (mykal d'archangel)

On Tue, 09 Jul 2002 17:18:43 GMT, "Rev. Magdalen"
<magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote:

>The calendar signing where I filled in for Rev. Cletus of Quijibo, who
>thought it was at 6PM (or so he claims). I hate to disappoint you, but
>those of you with calendars signed by me on behalf of Cletus -- he probably
>doesn't actually "Want you BAD!".

Trust me - he probably DOES. :D Thanks for filling in.

>I myself was bought by the lovely and mysterious Mr. Foxy Morocco of
>Bachelor's for "Bob", ...

> They should be a boy band!

Geeze - first they do a tiki bar and then they're a boy band?
Well, I suppose if they must imitate the ground breaking Quijibo
Cartel, then they must... ;)

>When will the young people learn to wear ear protection???? WHEN????

I think I narrowed it down to a young Dryocampa Rubicunda. Or a
*Dobbson Fly*! Oh man - I really could have died. Thsoe Dobbson
Flys are wicked brain suckers.

The irony is that I had ear plugs in my camera case for takin'
pics at rock shows. :D

st m d'a
-------------------
New Quijibo Out NOW!
#23 and The Other #23
http://www.quijibocartel.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

"mykal d'archangel" <md_archangel@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:3d2b9123.10168048@news.in.comcast.giganews.com...
>
> Geeze - first they do a tiki bar and then they're a boy band?
> Well, I suppose if they must imitate the ground breaking Quijibo
> Cartel, then they must... ;)

Jesus says you guys will always be the original SubGenius Boy Band, like the
Jackson Five. These guys are more like N'Sync.

>
> I think I narrowed it down to a young Dryocampa Rubicunda. Or a
> *Dobbson Fly*! Oh man - I really could have died. Thsoe Dobbson
> Flys are wicked brain suckers.
>
> The irony is that I had ear plugs in my camera case for takin'
> pics at rock shows. :D

At the airport I saw ear vents that regulate your inner ear pressure but
allow you to still hear things. I recommend them to everyone with
particularly sweet-smelling ears, like yourself.

>
> st m d'a
> -------------------
> New Quijibo Out NOW!
> #23 and The Other #23
> http://www.quijibocartel.com

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Original file name: MaryMagdalensXDVReport.txt - converted on Tuesday, 16 July 2002, 14:21