i am a tv.
i am a tv.
i am a joke.
i am smoking. who are you? it's always so hard to remember.
sorry. i like to play. you people are funny. i like
the space people. it was fun when susie and i laughed.
i don't remember all of what happened at XDV right
now. Maybe it will come to me. topper is a really nice
fellow. my drive home was insane. way more sketchy
than the sketchiest man on earth fiasco of last year.
that little crayon blue car of mine turned into one
big huffragmobile. i was so high and i didn't even
know it. people, don't ever lose the cap to your aerosol
cans. i, apparently, packed some workable fixative,
an art supply that keeps charcoal drawings from smudging
in a cardboard box and it, apparently sprayed its entire
contents against the cardboard box somewhere in my
back seat before i started my 9 hour drive home, alone.
after about one hour i felt tired and blurry eyed,
so i pulled over and took a nap and as a side thought
i wondered if i should track down the chemical smell
in my car but i was too tired so i rolled up the windows
and leaned against my big stuffed bunny, Harvey. I
woke up 6 hours later with a headache and i thought
it was just after effects of the two hard blows i recieved
that day, one on the right side of my head from when
i tried to fly by launching myself at the huge green
ball owned by the space people, the other from being
tackled as payback for trying to punch Huxley in the
face. i got back on the road because i am usually a
very consumate long haul driver and also a very mind
over matter type of strong willed fight through that
shit and just do what it takes to complete a task kind
of person when i want to be. i really wanted to get
home. i missed my rat and i was ready to rest away
my hard week of playing too rough. after about another
hour i was super tired and the signs on the road were
starting to smear across my vision. i figured i must
just be really tired and shit so i start smacking my
face and talking to myself with the window open for
air. well, eventually it occured to me that the smell
was probably what was causing these strange symptoms
so i start to look for a place to pull over. i was
very disoriented and i think i must have hit a guardrail
at some point because my car is messed up somewhat,
the door won't open all the way. So, yeah, i tried
to concentrate and stay alive, i guess it must have
worked. the road was so empty and i am so bothered
by people and help and making a big deal out of things
anyway so i kept driving, probably very stupid. but
hey, i was fucked up as hell, i didn't quite know what
to do or what was happening and it was worsening with
every mile, i think i remember missing a few exits
and i do remember waking up a few times after very
very brief losses of consciousness. luckily the fear
and the adrenalin counteracted the stupor enough, plus
i had that little me inside me who is real good at
thinking in survival mode and it was shouting at me
pretty fucking loud to WAKE UP, YOU STUPID COOZ. So
when i finally get to a convenience store in some useless
little town i get shit from the lady working there
for unlaoding my car's contents in her very empty parking
lot. she found and confronted me in the walk in cardboard
box dumpster and i just totally flipped out on her,
she was this young girl with a contemptuous look on
her face as i garbage picked for a new cardboard box
to put the junk and empty can in. my first encounter
with pinks after xday is always so freaky and demostrative
of thier whole mass stupidity and scariness. usually
i keep my head down and my words polite but i explained
to her what was going on in a somewhat angry tone and
probably a desperate, crazy look on my face. my head
hurt and i was lonely and i was in real world and my
drive home was going poorly and a whole buncha other
crap had been building up and i kept relatively calm,
but she pissed me off. i was just a late night driver
with a problem and she wouldn't leave me alone. She
looked a little scared of me and walked backwards into
the building with her hands up in "don't shoot"
mode so i knew i had done my job of making her go away
efficiently and i immediately forgot her and went back
to repacking the car which was so full i had to literally
wedge myself into it and contend with falling boxes
and trouble seeing out the back window. i am such a
damn subgenius it hurts. i don't get why it's so cool.
well, sometimes i do. i don't feel like finishing the
story right now, i am tired and i want to go rest my
neck and back, this chair, i sit in it way too much
now that i am dating my computer instead of a boy.
i like it this way, my mess is mine and my fuck ups
are my fault. i made it home fine, i probably have
brain dammage from the whole week and the toxic fumes,
i had a pretty good time, i met some good people, i
watched the stars, i forgot most of the bad events,
i danced, i saw some beauty, i started some new trains
of thought that i will chew on this year, i held kittens,
that's about all that's important, the ingredients
change each year but the recipe is the same, 2+2=4
= 5+5=10 but the formula is still n+n=2n, ya know,
i do stuff at xday every year and the stuff is different
but it's still just stuff at xday. i like it enough,
sure, there are a few people who i can talk to and
that's fantasic, hell yeah. well, there ya go, that's
my report on xday, i missed a lot of stories but i
will leave that hole to be filled in by the dick that
is gossip. keep good humor.
love,
TV
p.s. write to me with any questions or to get some meat
for the gossip pie. evangela@subgenius.com is me but
the name seems to be Televangela or TV now. i dunno
how that happened but i like it. ok, well, time for
me to go and stop acting like people again. what a
terrible chore. aww, look, the TV thinks it's people,
honey, take a picture, it's trying to sign calenders
but it can't quite do it right, that's so adorable,
do you think we should help it? no, get the video camera
first. do you think it's in pain? well, it's best to
leave it in it's natural environment, they say. That
antenna will heal eventually, let's go look at the
ducks now.