From: "nu-monet v5.0"
Date: Sat, Jul 13, 2002 10:06 PM
pic by Heart Ignition
As usual, the extraordinarily patient Xists showed
up again this year, taking away yet another small
handfull of SubGenii who had evolved into overmen,
and replacing them with identical clones.
And once again, the vast majority of SubGenii have
been left on nu-EarthV as "remainers," since
nu-
EarthIV's expiration date had petered out and they
have to be *somewhere* to endure the rigors of
their overman training, yet smell too human to be
permitted on the ships.
But, as when the Z-ists made their surprise attack
on XDayII, resulting in a whole year of geeky and
defective clones, this year an accidental rift was
made with the tachyon reality by the Xist Xducer
beams.
This means that until we can hunt them down and
spray them with a disintigration agent, you can
expect alt.slack to be full of annoying green
tachyon creatures. Hopefully, this will explain
the current surfeit of slackless and turgid babble.
--
"As unpleasant as you may find it, remember
that nuclear winter is eminently preferable
to the brief yet intense nuclear summer that
precedes it."
-- nu-monet
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
OK but if that's true, and they've issued replacement
units for
old-monet every time they've come, and therefore have
TAKEN AWAY the
replacement units each time, doesn't that mean that
each of your
replacement units has been BETTER than the original?
And if they are keeping all 5, how do you know which one is you?
The alternative being, they only keep the best one.
Which THEY
issued.
I need to get this straight before I'm stepping foot
on any fucking
flying saucer thank you.
--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com
BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD ARIOCH! BLOOD AND SOULS!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Unfortunately, this brings up the unpleasant
subject of the annual clone "swap out." Clones
are only provided with a 1-year incept date,
at the end of which time all that they have
learned in the previous year is downloaded,
with the help of a neuroproctolizer, as part
of their cumulative total of information, into
their replacement clone. They are then returned,
involuntarily, to the sludge vats from which they
came, their nutrients and residual radiation
being used to enrich to gooey black gruel that
other clones will eventually be fabricated from.
Waste not, want not.
The new "tabula rasa", or "blank slate"
clone
replacement then experiences a positively
agonizing gain of a lifetime's worth of
information in the matter of a few minutes'
time. This feels somewhat like inserting a
110V vibrator completely into your anus, then
plugging it in to a 220V socket. With a penny
in the circuit breaker. After swallowing six
Alka-Seltzers and a liter of warm cola. With
Ted Nugent on your headphones at 300 dB. And
you're strapped down at the time.
But, be of good cheer. There is *at least* a
1.3% chance that you are one of the SubGenii
"Remainers" yet to be picked up, and NOT a
clone, again due to the XDayII foul up, which
resulted in a massive crash of the clonal data
bank.
And if that is the case, you are prolly a "gone
coon," as I doubt the Xists will be back of XD6,
leaving you all to die an agonizing death as
nu-EarthV turns into a giant ball of stinking,
burning shit in space before exploding.
--
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I
mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@mindspring.com>
"nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
>This feels somewhat like inserting a
>110V vibrator completely into your anus, then
>plugging it in to a 220V socket. With a penny
>in the circuit breaker. After swallowing six
>Alka-Seltzers and a liter of warm cola. With
>Ted Nugent on your headphones at 300 dB. And
>you're strapped down at the time.
>
No, that's not too bad.
As long as it isn't one of those sugar-free colas.
Those always leave
me with that nasty aftertaste.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
In article <3D3101B4.3F01@succeeds.com>, nu-monet
v5.0
<nothing@succeeds.com> wrote:
> And if that is the case, you are prolly a "gone
> coon," as I doubt the Xists will be back of
XD6,
> leaving you all to die an agonizing death as
> nu-EarthV turns into a giant ball of stinking,
> burning shit in space before exploding.
Hey. You're bringing me down, man.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Well, "tough titty," said the kitty, as the milk ran out.
It may no longer be *fashionable* to think about HELL,
filled with agonized, burning, steenky undead corpses
writhing in ETERNAL anguish while funky little dudes
in
red capes carrying tridents keep going "poinky-poinky"
on your buttocks and giggling like nitrous-oxide snuffing
high school kids at a Phish concert; BUT YOU BETTER,
BUCKY!
'Cause there AIN'T no free ride, and there AIN'T no
free
lunch, and there AIN'T no free 'Frop, and there AIN'T
no
free poon, and there AIN'T no free 'toon, and there
AIN'T
no free porn--'LESSEN YOU GET ON THEM FLYIN' SORCERERS!
Smellin' like a merehume just AIN'T where it's at, pilgrim.
If you wanna go up that gangplank, or get rustled like
one of them inside-out cows with SURGICALLY REMOVED
GENITALIA,
or get picked up by that giant clawed amusement park
thingy
better suited to snagging stuffed animals, that might,
just
as likely, snip off one of your arms or legs in the
process;
YOU'D BETTER, SURE AS SHINY SHINOLA THAT SMELLS LIKE
SHIT
SAUCE ON A STICK BETTER GET TO YOUR ASS TO THE OVER-MANNIN'
CLASS!
What class? NO class! Whuff that cheeseburger, bwah!
Times a wastin'! But don't be sayin' that the END OF
THE
WORLD is full of FUZZY BUNNIES and LITTLE PICACHU DOLLS
and
HUGS AND KISSES from GIANT MAMMY NEGRESSES FRESH FROM
THE
AVENUE IN AMSTERDAMNED!
It's STICKY where you don't WANT to be sticky. It's
HALLMARK HELL ON ICE! It's CONNIE, She-Wolf of the
CIA!
It's Leatherface "Obo"! It's being a VOTER,
EVERY, SINGLE
DAY! It's hemorrhoids that hang like GRAPES! It's
the
cat, wiping off on your salted BUTTER!
So GET SCARED! STAY SCARED! QUIT YER JOB AND SLACK
OFF!
TAKE A MAJOR WITHDRAWL FROM THE 1ST NATIONAL BANK O'
SLACK!
INJURED HEAD GOOD! HEALED HEAD BAD! PLASTIC IS YOUR
ONLY
FRIEND! FEED THE KITTY! FEED THE KITTY TO SOMETHING
BIGGER
AND MEANER! FOOL YOUR FRIENDS! IMPRESS GIRLS!
But most of all send in that $30. Or else.
--
What Would Jesus Do To Your Penis
With A Cup Full Of Cockroaches?
-- nu-monet