From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 4, 2001 6:10 PM
The SubGenius "Ready to Get on Them Saucers" Test
-------------------------------------------------
1) How much will you pay me to pass this test?
2) What would you pay to keep your family out of danger?
3) Would you be willing to have sex with a stranger for money?
4) Would you be willing to have sex with several strangers
at the same time for money?
5) Would you mind if I set #4 up for you, say, tonight?
6) If I kept you supplied with drugs, would you do favors for me?
7) Do you know what chloral hydrate smells like? Ether?
8) Would you object to giving this envelope to that
policeman
over there?
9) Have you ever wanted to be a movie star?
10) What about a direct-to-video star?
11) What about a direct-to-video not legal for sale
in the United
States, it's Territories or Possessions star?
12) Would you be willing to relocate to the Carribean
for a
job in banking? Just making deposits, really.
13) Have you ever considered getting a lot of tattoos?
Body
piercings? Cosmetic surgery?
14) Without training, would you consider giving tattoos,
body
piercings, and cosmetic surgery to others?
15) Do you know what the word "extradition" means?
16) Would you apprentice to an OB/GYN physician in Mexico?
17) One who doesn't have a valid medical license?
18) Do you have any unusual fear of radiation? Snakes?
19) What is the most unusual meat you have ever eaten?
20) Have you ever woken up in your own vomit and feces?
21) Would you be willing to change you religious beliefs
to something a little more ancient?
22) Something involving stone altars and animal sacrifice?
23) Something involving stone altars and human sacrifice?
24) Have you ever fired a high-powered rifle with a scope?
25) Do you believe in vampires?
26) How would you like to know for sure?
--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Reverend DragonSpirit" <ryuseisen@my-deja.com>
>
> 1) How much will you pay me to pass this test?
Nothing, you will pay me mister!
> 2) What would you pay to keep your family out of danger?
I'll pay you to put my family IN danger, but you have
to promise to do it
right. I don't want one of those news stories that
portray me as a simple
murderer. I want to be loathed!
> 3) Would you be willing to have sex with a stranger for money?
Depends on the sex act, and how much money you are talking about.
> 4) Would you be willing to have sex with several
strangers
> at the same time for money?
Same answer as #3.
> 5) Would you mind if I set #4 up for you, say, tonight?
We still have not gotten the business side of this proposal out of the way.
> 6) If I kept you supplied with drugs, would you do favors for me?
They would have to be really good drugs and your favors
can not get in the
way of my enjoyment of them.
> 7) Do you know what chloral hydrate smells like? Ether?
Yes, but I prefer Sodium Pentathol. Injection is just so much easier.
> 8) Would you object to giving this envelope to
that policeman
> over there?
No, but I'll steal the envelope and spend its contents.
> 9) Have you ever wanted to be a movie star?
Regular or XXX rated? No to the former, yes to the latter.
> 10) What about a direct-to-video star?
I never wanted to direct.
> 11) What about a direct-to-video not legal for
sale in the United
> States, it's Territories or Possessions star?
Absolutely! That would be a blast.
> 12) Would you be willing to relocate to the Carribean
for a
> job in banking? Just making deposits, really.
Sure!
> 13) Have you ever considered getting a lot of
tattoos? Body
> piercings? Cosmetic surgery?
Have them already. I was bored.
> 14) Without training, would you consider giving
tattoos, body
> piercings, and cosmetic surgery to others?
Yes! I have already began on pets. Check out my work
at
http://www.bonsaikitten.com
> 15) Do you know what the word "extradition" means?
No, but if you hum a few bars..............
> 16) Would you apprentice to an OB/GYN physician in Mexico?
As long as I don't have to do the whore circuit in Tijuana,
man there are
some nasty ones there.
> 17) One who doesn't have a valid medical license?
Is there any other way to apprentice?
> 18) Do you have any unusual fear of radiation? Snakes?
NO, but I have an very real fear of clowns and mimes.
> 19) What is the most unusual meat you have ever eaten?
You really don't want to know that, trust me.
> 20) Have you ever woken up in your own vomit and feces?
On several occaisions, but never alone.
> 21) Would you be willing to change you religious
beliefs
> to something a little more ancient?
If I had any.
> 22) Something involving stone altars and animal sacrifice?
Anything to break the monotony.
> 23) Something involving stone altars and human sacrifice?
Real humans or just merehumes? The last time you advertised
human
sacrifice, all I got was small children and old people.
> 24) Have you ever fired a high-powered rifle with a scope?
Only on 11/23/62. I think I was in Dallas Texas at
the
time.......................
> 25) Do you believe in vampires?
Sure, just like I believe in Sodomites. They exist,
but are really hard to
find.
> 26) How would you like to know for sure?
What exactly are you offering me? I would like to know
alot of things for
sure.
> --
> "There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."
-Reverend DragonSpirit
South Park Militia, Southern Annex
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Reverend DragonSpirit wrote:
>
> What exactly are you offering me? I would like
to know
> alot of things for sure.
>
Ah, and that is why. You must not learn how to not-know.
You must just know how to not-know. For if you know
how to
not-know, it is through the not-knowing, not the learning
of the not-knowing.
For, as it is said in 'The Rhamalama (Dhing-Dhong)'
http://walkingdead.net/~phxclench/rhama.html
11. To see the essence in the unessential and to
see the
essence as unessential means one can never get
to the
essence, wandering as one is, on the unessential side
of the
road.
12. But to see the unessence in the essential
and the
essential as the unessence it is, means one does get
to the
essence, being on the road to Albuquerque.
(Or in this case, Brushwood.)
--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Dead Corpse" <DeadCorpse@justanotherfucker.com>
>
> 1) How much will you pay me to pass this test?
>
I got a teaspoon full o' bellybutton lint. That enough?
> 2) What would you pay to keep your family out
of danger?
>
My family has been in danger since I drew my first breath.
My home town is
my first target once I'm sitting in a gunnery chair
on the Saucers. "Hey
MOM! Guess what yer' havin' fer breakfast!"
> 3) Would you be willing to have sex with a stranger
for money?
>
Nobody stranger than me. My have ta' stay within my philum as well.
> 4) Would you be willing to have sex with several
strangers
> at the same time for money?
>
Someone would pay me fer that?
> 5) Would you mind if I set #4 up for you, say,
tonight?
>
Tonights almost tomorrow. I'll check my calander and get back to you....
> 6) If I kept you supplied with drugs, would you
do favors for me?
>
Nope. Make it protein and a bonified Myostatin suppressor and ya got a deal.
> 7) Do you know what chloral hydrate smells like?
Ether?
>
Yep. Makes a great aftershave fer trimmin' up the groin area.
> 8) Would you object to giving this envelope to
that policeman
> over there?
>
Ya' ever here o' some people that other animals just
don't like the smell
of? Horses get extremely nervous around me like they
would around a fairly
serious predator. Cops seem to have the same olfactory
sublimnal cues that
horses do. I'd never get close enough to him to make
the hand-off.
> 9) Have you ever wanted to be a movie star?
>
How do you know I'm not?
> 10) What about a direct-to-video star?
>
See #9
> 11) What about a direct-to-video not legal for
sale in the United
> States, it's Territories or Possessions star?
>
See #9 (or would that be considered wishful thinking?)
> 12) Would you be willing to relocate to the Carribean
for a
> job in banking? Just making deposits, really.
>
http://www.islandforsale.com/clove.htm
Buy me that and I'll OPEN a bank fer ya'.
> 13) Have you ever considered getting a lot of
tattoos? Body
> piercings? Cosmetic surgery?
>
Seen it, done it, been there. Thinking of having a set
of Rams horns grafted
to me scalp for the grand finale.
> 14) Without training, would you consider giving
tattoos, body
> piercings, and cosmetic surgery to others?
>
Piercing them with what? Do knives count?
> 15) Do you know what the word "extradition"
means?
>
Having more dition?
> 16) Would you apprentice to an OB/GYN physician
in Mexico?
>
Hell, I wouldn't be an OB/GYN in the US much less anywhere
else. It ain't
the healthy women comin' in fer check-ups that'd be
that bad. It's the ones
with enough yeast ta' make a bakers dozen of donuts,
or the skank with
maggots cloggin' up the works that'd make me switch
to cattle.
> 17) One who doesn't have a valid medical license?
>
Only if they are under exclusive contract to the Swedish Bikini Team.
> 18) Do you have any unusual fear of radiation?
Snakes?
>
Snakes are cool. Radioactive snakes are better.
> 19) What is the most unusual meat you have ever
eaten?
>
Microwaved Bar-B-Qued snake.
> 20) Have you ever woken up in your own vomit and
feces?
>
No. But I think others have.
> 21) Would you be willing to change you religious
beliefs
> to something a little more ancient?
>
Is that a trick question?
> 22) Something involving stone altars and animal
sacrifice?
>
Ya' mean WE don't do that anymore?
> 23) Something involving stone altars and human
sacrifice?
>
See #22
> 24) Have you ever fired a high-powered rifle with
a scope?
>
Is that another trick question? How many more high-powered
rifles w/scopes
do I need to buy? Anytime you want Bolivia back, come
talk to me first.
> 25) Do you believe in vampires?
>
You don't?
http://www.parascope.com/en/articles/vampires08.htm
> 26) How would you like to know for sure?
>
Awwwe Bite ME!
--
The Rev. Dead Corpse from the Lone Pentagram State
Rule of Acquisition 125: You can't make a deal if you are dead.
Igne Natura Revnovatur Integra: The whole of Nature is renewed by Fire
Send $1: The SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306,
Dallas, TX 75214
Original file name: Why you weren't permitted to go - converted on Tuesday, 10 July 2001, 16:15
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