Take me the triple-dippin' fuck off to space!

From: HellPope Huey X

Astronomers Say Eight New Planets Detected
>>> LONDON (Reuters) - International teams of astronomers said
on Monday they had discovered eight new planets outside our solar
system.
>>> Five of the new planets were detected in the Southern
Hemisphere by astronomers working with information from the
European Southern Observatory's La Silla observatory in Chile.
The scientists are based in Geneva, Switzerland.
>>> None of the planets have ever been seen by humans, but
scientists believe they are there because of the gravitational
pull they exert on the stars they orbit and the subsequent
detectable effect they have on the light the stars emit.

I really hate it here and I'd like to move to one of these new
planets, especially if there's one like Amsterdam. Could Jesus
scout 'em out and report back? Will the special Kia "Bob" gave
him handle the trip? Are the planets, like, too hot or really
gassy, both of which describe me at the moment? Are they as
overrun with Chinese as we are? Do they have good cable or only
that backwater ripoff stuff with 4 religious stations and 7
C-SPANS? What are the women like, if any? 4 eyes, 6 titties? Aw,
I'll give most anything bipedal a try. I mean, "Bob" can surely
direct the pleasure saucers to come to the new place, right? He
IS kinda like Santa Claus and has fancy state-of-the snart
tracking gizmos, right?

I hate almost everyone here, so let's saddle up if there's a
reasonable option. I'll pay the Church up to $10 (that's TEN,
American) extra for a topographical/meteorological report on the
best 3 out of 8. And I ain't headin' for no place where you gotta
hang 10 on waves of magma or breath clouds of chlorine, so none
o' yer smartass suggestions. This here's science, monkey boy.

HellPope Huey,
What's on my mind? Earwigs.
And I think they're about to meet in the middle. Urgh.

"Feels kinda weird torching civilians."
"Civilians are civilized. These people are French."
- "The Authority"

"The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it."
- Abbie Hoffman

"Those damned monkeys won't stop FUCKING!" - Jesus

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Original file name: Take me the triple-dippin' fuck - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:31