HOW TO GET THERE, WHAT IT'S LIKE, WHAT YOU NEED and WHAT WE CHARGE

art, left: Rev. Onan Canobite; below right, below left and bottom, Dr. Legume

See also the Wisteria website for travel details, camping info, etc..

WISTERIA is just outside the town of Athens, Ohio, in southeastern Ohio state, very close to the West Virgina border on the Ohio River, and about 2 hours' drive from Columbus, Ohio. This is also the site of the famous Starwood neopagan gatherings -- 620 lush acres of rolling hills and majestic woodlands, with indoor hot showers, a filtered swimming pool, cafe, three stage areas, and enough electrical power to keep TEN THOUSAND DOKTORBANDS CRANKING OUT THE HITS USING ALL THEIR EQUIPMENT, WHILE HUFFING JENKEMATED CHURCH AIR, AND PERFORMING NASAL SEX, RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, ALL NIGHT LONG!! That's right, you can REALLY LET YOUR TRUE YETI NOSE HAIR DOWN at THIS little campground! (It's "clothing optional"!) ((NOTE: There are also motels in nearby Pomeroy, Carpenter, and Athens.))

It'll scare the hell out of the norm-worms and PROBABLY US TOO!!

But this isn't the sleazy poebucker set-up that The Pink Inside You fears. Wisteria is COMFORTABLE. The situation is SECURE. We have our own "police." The folks who run the site have been doing this for years with the Pagans, and are cool with "BOB" (and old friends of Mrs. Stang)!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CAMP. There are motels nearby. We recommend THE HOMETOWN INN in Athens, 20 minutes from the campground. (Here's their website.) The Athens Super 8 isn't much farther. Other SubGenii will probably be there. There are other motels around Pomeroy that might be closer.

THIS IS IT! This is where things start getting REALLY REAL! You'll notice we haven't mentioned any PREACHERS, BANDS or "SHOWS" yet. (Aside from the ones we DID list.) That's because those things will be YOU on X-Day!!! You wanna RANT?? Get up there and RANT! It's the END of the WORLD! You want to get SO DRUNK that you waddle around with your pants around your ankles, drooling, before toppling over into the pond? THIS IS THE TIME AND THE PLACE FOR IT!! WE aren't gonna plan a GOD DAMNED THING!!

The ONLY RULE is... DON'T SULLY ANYBODY ELSE'S SLACK. (NOTE: even FAKE guns and rocket launchers are highly illegal in Ohio.) If you fuck up or piss us off, we won't hesitate to have you physically thrown out by big burly S.L.A.K. Squad goons and/or THE MAN.

Now you're saying,
"HOW DO I MAKE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT I'LL BE A PART OF THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT, THIS VERITABLE "MIRACLE OF FATIMA"?? I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH I HAVE TO SPEND!!"

You don't have to do a DAMN THING and neither do we. All you have to do is BE THERE, CASH IN HAND! (VISA or MONEY ORDERS ACCEPTED. NO CHECKS!! Hit the ATM FIRST!!)

$35 for ORDAINED SUBGENIUS MINISTERS
(MUST HAVE MEMBERSHIP CARD! We WILL have our computerized Sacred Mailing List records at the gate as well as a MWOWM v.1.0.2b4 Pstench Scanner.)

PLUS $35 to become an ORDAINED SUBGENIUS MINSITER if you aren't one already!
(And you people better be AWFULLY GLAD that we had some slight modicum of MERCY and didn't raise the price to $3 Million like we planned!))

PLUS $12/day for camping! -- pay to Wisteria, not us!

You can pay Wisteria at the door, or in advance, and us at the Stage, or Caffeina's cafe, when you arrive. To insure privacy, security, and a plague-free event, you must sign a waiver and wear the ID triage tags given you. Wisteria is clothing-optional EXCEPT near the road.

Wisteria is a developed camping facility (but no RV hookups). Bring EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED. NO ONE WILL BABYSIT YOU. There will be breakfasts, lunches and dinners available at the cafe during the weekend, and there are many excellent cafes in nearby Athens. Bring tent, sleeping bag, flashlight, sunscreen, dry shoes, umbrella... see list linked below. (The water there is ok.) It could be rainy, so bring warm stuff including a thick raincoat coat and extra shoes. It might be pretty HOT. (No freezing nights like at Brushwood, our old site.) There are towns with supermarkets (and alcohol) within 20 minute drives of the site.

THINGS YOU MUST BRING TO GROUND ZERO, WISTERIA (if camping)

DIRECTIONS TO WISTERIA

This year you can become as involved as you want, way ahead of time, via scrubgenius
or the
17 X-Day Facebook Page

For more info, but probably not much more, before June 28 call the HOTLINE: (888) 669-2323
Or send SASE to 17XDAY DRILL c/o SubGenius Foundation PO Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118, for info and "registration" form.

* Any SubGenius wanting to put on something special, rant, or play, JUST SHOW UP AND DO IT. Preachers or SubGenius bands planning on ranting, etc., should let us know only so we can add you to the p.r.

We reserve the right to tell ANYBODY, however, that they can just go and fuck themselves.