Brushwood Survival Tips

pic by LeMur

From: Modemac
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Jun 10, 2001 8:44 PM
animation by Friday Jones

Little Fyodor said, "I didn't think it would be so COLD!" He came to
Brushwood for the first time in 1999, when we had freak weather
(including tornadoes and earthquakes) and the temperature didn't drop
below 60-65 degrees, even at night. But he found out last year that
this was the exception and not the norm. So remember, boys and girls,
when you go into the big bad wilderness at Brushwood for the End of
the World, you should come PREPARED. The place has running water, hot
showers, and plumbing, so that's good. But still, there are a couple
of things to be aware of:

It can get cold at night, so be prepared to dress warm. Bring a
blanket or sleeping bag. Bring at least one sweatshirt, sweat pants,
a decent jacket, and/or a sweater. When it gets cold at night, you
can wear these over or under your clothes, and you will be ready for
the cold. Also remember that the dew gets very thick, and your shoes
will get wet from it.

Having non-perishable, ready-to-eat food is a blessing, especially
early in the morning after you've woken up and don't want to bother
cooking. Sister Decadence will testify that Pop-Tarts are among the
most Slackful things one can have at Brushwood: just rip open a
package, and it'll tide you over until it's time for a hot meal.

This one may not apply, because the World As We Know It will END at
7:00 AM on the morning of July 5th. But I should mention that in
1999, I stayed up for the usual Saturday all night party, and on
Sunday afternoon I left to drive the ten-hours, 500 mile trip home, by
myself, after being awake for nearly 24 hours. I made it home safely,
but it was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life and I do
not recommend it to anyone. So I played it safe in 2000: I stayed an
extra night and got some SLEEP. Don't leave on Sunday! Take an extra
day, sleep on Sunday night, and go home on Monday. Your chances of
making it home ALIVE will improve by about one thousand percent.

Other essential items: a FLASHLIGHT, an UMBRELLA, and SUNSCREEN.

First Online Church of "Bob"

illo by LeMur

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips
From: (saint andreux)


Add to this:

33+ gallon garbage bag. This can be made
at a moment's notice into a fine waterproof
shirt if it rains.


After two times of having the soil of Brushwood
soak every bit of heat out of my body, I broke
down and got an air mattress. These $30 items
are HEAVEN-SENT... WELL worth the money. The
last two times that I've been there with an
air mattress, it's been a LOT better.

saint andreux ||
po'bucker backwoods faith chapel & taco stand, inc.
"would you like some possum on that there torta?"

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips
From: (polar bear)

Message-ID: <>

Don't forget a length of stout rope for treeing your food supplies, and
whatever you do, don't be cooking bacon for breakfast! The woods are
crawling with black bears.


Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips
From: (mykal d'archangel)

You're also going to want to find the *biggest* jar of olives
that you can. Drain the olive juice and replace it with *vodka*.
Set the jar outside of your tent at night.

It'll keep the bears away.

You think I'm kiddin'?

And chop sticks. Bring chop sticks.

st m d'a

Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)

No, folks, he's right. I tried gin last year and they still got me. Worse
yet, Legume kept dipping into it to beef up his aftershave. Use the vodka.

HellPope Huey,
A tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing...
...except maybe the core of *Everything*,
if the wind is right
and I have enuf NYQUIL in me, EIEIEIEI!!!
BACK, ye foul, errant Ego, BACK....~!


Subject: Re: Brushwood Survival Tips
From: Christopher Lee <>

Folks, friends, don't worry about bacon. The Brushwood bears just want your