X-Day XI: The Prophecy Fulfilled

"Rev. Ivan Stang" commenting on Modemac's Report:

PRAMOD for this long and detailed report, and for helping make such a
pleasant and positive report even possible.

Now I shall insert the requisite snarky responses.

Notice, Modemac, how your careful formatted Word document took on
certain strange new punctuation characteristics by the time it made it
to my Mac newsreader.

,
Modemac <modemac@gmail.com> wrote:

> See also: http://community.livejournal.com/highweirdness/35391.html
>
> About two weeks before X-Day, I was visited by the voice or spirit of
> J.R. "Bobo/oo Dobbs. The excitement was in the air, as this was the best
> time of the year ^ the certainty, the knowledge that the Rupture was
> imminent! I've been to a number of the X-Day Drills in the past, and
> without exception they have all been fun. But despite that, I heard a
> mysterious voice whispering in my ear. And the voice said:
>
> "This X-Day is going to fucking ROCK.o/oo

That voice has to YELL it into my ear, due to the tinnitus.

I learned this weekend that Rev. Susie the Floozy and Dok Frop also
hear the constant cicada chorus now, and also must be yelled at.

>
> I am not merely making this up now that X-Day has come and gone once
> again without the Xists arriving. You can ask other SubGenii or check
> the Secret X-Day Cabal mailing list that was used to plan the events.
> The voice came to me, and it made the prophecy that this would truly
> be an X-Day to remember.
>
> AND LO, THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED!
>
> For, my fellow mutants, this X-Day was certainly one of the greatest
> Drills of all! The gathered SubGenii were swept up by the Slack that
> flowed across the fields of Brushwood, and they put forth the effort
> to produce an X-Day that shattered many previous X-Day records and
> expectations. It was one for the ages, and rumors shall be whispered
> for years of the events that happened at X-Day XIS

Many of the whispers and half the videos have already been censored.

>
> GREATEST AMINO ACIDS SHOW ^ EVAR!!

I'm not sure how one measures that, but I know that the showing of
their new film (http://fatalepictures.com) before their set set the
stage very well.

I shot the whole thing with all my energy, and with the special Amino
Acids-Filming Lens, a secret wide-angle lens that I attach to my
widescreen camera ONLY during Amino Acid shows and at dawn after the
Starwood bonfire.

> GREATEST BULLDADA AUCTION ^ EVAR!!
Certainly it was very lucrative, and the patter that went with it was
better performed (being mostly you and Hal) and better recorded (being
all-Pater Nostril) then evar. I can't remember any of the weird details
but they'll bubble to the surface as we go through the recordings.

The Bulldada Auction, friends, is a Modemac invention and the closest
thing to Something for Nothing that most of us will ever see.

> GREATEST DJ SHAVER SHOW ^ EVAR!!

This might be true!

> GREATEST AUDIENCE FOR DJ SHAVER'S SHOW ^ EVAR!!

This is certainly true. I think Princess Wei manned the camera for this
because I was having too much fun to zoom.

> GREATEST ICON BURNING ^ EVAR!!

I would have to disagree with this if only for the sake of general
believability. In my opinion it was one of the least fervent Ikon
Burnings. The Ikon fell over relatively quickly; there was no Banjo Bob
for it to fall on, even though I drew a perfect X in its landing spot;
there was NO DRUMMING until Revs. Ed Strange, Bon Mozick, and a
Brushwood FireMan started it up, and then there were ONLY TWO nekkid
ladies dancing, only one of which was a dues-paying SubGenius (Sister
Decadence). There were a lot of people, but I am used to much more
frenzied action in the Roundhouse.

On the other hand, even at Starwood, the Roundhouse bonfires have been
tame as compared to the weirdness that occured at early Starwoods,
before the Roundhouse was built, when there was only Dennis Murphy's
Gruple Dome. I used to have to step over people OPENLY FUCKING to get
into the Gruple Dome.

> GREATEST UFO LAUNCHING ^ EVAR!!

No question here. All but one of the UFOs really WERE unidentified.

> GREATEST ATTENDANCE SINCE 1998 ^ EVAR!!

I have not counted the list -- I haven't FOUND it, though I suspect
which pile it's in -- so I don't know for sure, but from what I
guestimate, it was about three times the size of recent ones. 1998 had
almost 400, this year I'm guessing it was 200 or so.

> (One of the) GREATEST POT LUCK FEAST(s) ^ EVAR!!

Again, these are hard to compare. I know Pater Nostril loved it because
for once he didn't have to do so much cooking.

> MOST SLACKFUL X-DAY FOR IVAN STANG ^ EVAR!!

Hands down. I lolled and wallowed in intense, blinding Slackdomness. I
only ran videocams and recording machines when I felt like it.
(Admittedly, I feel like it fairly often.) I knew that Pater Nostril
was recording everything better than I could, and I knew that Pisces
was commanding hypnotised zombied more effectively than I could. And
you, Modemac, are like the anchor that keeps our ship from drifting
away from Lost island and into Charted Waters, which we strive to
avoid.

> GREATEST VICTORY FOR PRIESTESS PISCES ^ EVAR!!

I have a distinct feeling that Pisces might have triumphs of another
nature to which we are not privy.

> (Some of the) GREATEST WEATHER ^ EVAR!!

NO SHIT!

It rained like 18 motherfuckers up until 1 pm Thursday, or Wednesday,
or when the schedule had X-Day 11 formally starting. AT THAT VERY
SECOND, according to Greenwich Standard, the clouds parted and the sun
burst through. For the whole weekend we had balmy, barmy, breezy,
slightly-cloudy weather. It didn't get hideously muggy and blistering
hot again until Sunday at 5 pm, when X-Day Drill 11 officially ended.
Then, I understand, it was pretty hot and thick.

NOT ONE RAINSTORM!!

Dr. Dark's Drive-In shows happened in PERFECT weather with PERFECT
accoustics and the best Goo available on Earth Farm One.

>
> Yea, fellow mutants, it seemed as everything "Bobo/oo touched this year
> turned to gold, or at least hard cash. And the vast majority of the
> Slack from X-Day XI was the result of the hard work, planning, and
> luscious bosom of Priestess Pisces, who took over the general
> management for X-Day after last year. Stang tried to run the entire
> show last year, and it burned him up and left him naught but a wilted
> husk. So, at the command of Connie Dobbs, Pisces stepped up to the
> plate and took the role of Atlas, bearing the enormous burden and
> keeping the show going at the crack of her whip. And it WORKED! Not
> only did we actually STICK TO THE PRINTED SCHEDULE, Pisces came out of
> it as virile, beautiful, and horny as ever!

I am not sure that the word "virile" applies to Priestess Pisces, even
though she is a strapping Amazon who could no doubt whup the daylights
out of most SubGenius males, first verbally, then physically. "Virile"
does not apply to sweet Southern gals, which is what Pisces is, despite
her mastery of varied accents.

> Reverend Two Beans could
> barely keep up with her enormous energySto say nothing for me, who had
> volunteered for the task of being Pisces' Errand Boy And Jerk Of All
> Trades. A lot of planning, effort, and running around (especially on
> my part) made it happenSbut it WORKED! And much Slack was had by all.

I think some people had more than Slack. Some of them had each other. I
haven't heard all the gossip yet, but I know that in many cases the
laidless became laid and the feckless became fuckful. Or so I was told.
I had a bit of a rash from the heat and didn't do a lot of that Big
House Orgy Action that we're usually so famous for. (For this reason I
also abstained from all the hot tubs, even the Big House hot tubs.)

>
> And Anonymous, the mysterious collective of /b/-tards, anti-
> Scientology activists, and troublemakers SHOWED UP! We had put out
> the call for them to come to X-Day for two main reasons: 1) To get
> more cash for "Bob,o/oo and to infect /b/ with our own memes in
> retaliation for the chan memes infecting our own weirdness. (Even
> Reverend Eggplant was greeting everyone with "Oh hai!o/oo) After the
> SubGenius turned out for Anonymous' street protests in 2008, Anonymous
> came to X-Day and met the Church of the SubGenius on its own terms.
> And what was the outcome of this meeting of the mind-warpers? If
> anyone truly came out on top, it was "Bob.o/oo
>
> Some of the Anons kept to themselves, only identifying themselves with
> a whisper, "Pssst ^ I'm Anonymous.o/oo Others were more blatant, coming
> with their V masks and making no secret that they were Anonymous. Of
> the various Anons to be there, the one most likely to become a full-
> fledged Bobbie was the one from the New York City Anonymous, who was
> completely seduced by "Bob,o/oo chewed up and spit out, and finally
> dubbed "RevAnon.o/oo He will no doubt be spreading the word of "Bobo/oo
> amongst the other Anons, and I would not be surprised if several
> Dobbsheads show up when Anonymous has its "Over 9000 Man Marcho/oo in
> Washington, DC later this month.

The Anonymii that I met all had very good manners. I understand that
Anonymous is a group that makes fun of Scientologists. Well, I suppose
you have to start somewhere. The Anonymous named Hunter was very
helpful during set-up, and I heard he made for an excellent Glow Stick
Holder later in the event. His pretty "Trekkie"-undressed companion
gave the Bobtism and Ball a nice boost. There was another, more Jack
Black-shaped Anonymous who was a big spender at the Bulldada Auction,
so we will be happy to have him back too, any time.

>
> And as for the rest of the SubGenii: we saw many new faces there this
> year, including several who actually got off their asses and DID
> things. This all added up to a glorious triumph for allSexcept
> perhaps for the ones who annoyed a lot of the regulars by insisting on
> being the center of attention and doing whatever the hell they wanted,
> no matter what.

I must give those Chickenhed kids credit for knowing and hollering
incesantly every 1982 SubGenius-heckling cliche perfectly, without
having even studied the dogma. They sounded exactly like authentic
drunken 1982 Bobbies at a Buck Naked devival... it was truly uncanny.
It was like watching a museum piece come to life. They must have had a
time machine in order to know so many tired, age-old, fossilized
Sub-baiting tropes. Stuff that any of us would feel silly muttering
under our breath, they could shout at the top of their lungs PROUDLY.
As loud as I am, I could barely hear myself over their hilarious
ripostes at the 7 a.m. ceremony. And yet they appeared never to
actually have heard a single thing any of us said to them! Astounding.
I am so glad they left their equipment near the stage when they passed
out... that stuff came in VERY handy.

I heard that much hilarity ensued when they wandered into haunted Tiki
Banzai and attempted to do their cute "we control everything" thing.

> But this year's X-Day was a high-water mark that may
> not be equaledSuntil NEXT year, when we get to do it all over again.
>
> And the details?
>
> For starters, the weather itself was at the beck and call of "Bob.o/oo
> It rained incessantly, constantly for a full four days before the
> SubGenii began arrivingSuntil Tuesday, when the rain stopped and the
> mutants appeared as if from out of nowhere. For the entire time
> between Tuesday (the day before) and Monday (the day after, there was
> only one single period of rain. "Bobo/oo made sure to schedule the
> traditional torrential downpour for Thursday morning, when the
> SubGenii gathered at the main stage to B.S. and swap media. Other
> than that, there was NO RAIN! The other days were sunny and hot, the
> nights were clear and cool, and the perfect weather continued even
> after we finally left on Sunday.

Ah! I guess I slept through Thursday morning, at the Big House.

>
> Many familiar faces appeared, all of whom were welcome ^ Eggplant,
> Eggplant Jr., (a.k.a. Rev. Brainleak), Joy D'Veeve and Nigel, Popess
> Pantiara and Tangent, Bucky, Leonard the CommittedSand Pisces and Two
> Beans, Dr. K'Taden Legume, Susie the Floozie, Nickie Deathchick and
> Bob Wild, the noble Dr. Howland Owll, Reverend Stang and Princess Wei,
> and the Amino Acids. And many, many more mutants ^ some of whom are
> alt.slack regulars, others of whom were there for the first time and
> had not found their SubGenius names yet. But nameless or not, they
> had parties! Joy D'Veeve outdid herself, Eggplant kept everyone plied
> with coffee, and the liquids (alcohol) and herbs (habafropzipulops)
> flowed nonstop.
>
> A new generation of SubGenii is beginning to appear among the old-
> timers, as we saw with the lovely faces of Reverend Little Lies and
> the Volkerdings' demonic spawn. Even Dr. Legume's long-lost daughter,
> Rev. Anna, was there at X-Day for the first time. She had the
> advantage of being under the guard of the most fearsome SubGenius
> alive; but despite this she STILL had a great time, and I do hope she
> returns to Brushwood many times in the future.

I have about decided that she really IS Legume's daughter and the whole
thing was not a prank. Had it been a prank, he would have been fucking
her in public by Saturday night.

She made a "scary face" at 3 a.m. Sunday that convinced me that it
isn't a protracted joke, that she really is the daughter of Legume.
Also, during the Bobtism, in which Dr. Legume was, for once, unclothed,
I happened to notice that his nipple texture and hers are identical.
Her breasts are larger but the nipples are like fingerprints, and the
similarity was startling. I made a big deal of it at the time and many
people saw the comparison test.

My current opinion is that they aren't lying after all.

>
> And once again we were graced with the presence of the noble Dr.
> Howll, who was a gentleman as always. It is always an honor being at
> Brushwood with this man, and especially sharing the stage with him for
> managing the Bulldada Auction. Whether selling a piece of utter crap
> at the auction, or performing with Stang for one of several live Hours
> of Slack, or exercising his considerable artistic talent, this is a
> man whose calm demeanor contrasts the wild antics of Stang and Legume,
> and provides an anchor in the sea of chaos that is X-Day. More
> importantly, he knows how to milk humor from anythingSand this is why
> the Bulldada Auction was such a great success.

Dr. Howl is our sole piece of irrefutable proof that there is still at
least one intelligent, funny SubGenius on Earth Farm One. That is why
we buy his plane ticket and reward him in every way we know.

He got paid more than anyone has ever been paid for any X-Day
performance. That isn't saying much, since our general policy is to
make everybody pay US, but in Hal's case we feel justified in breaking
"Bob's" Code. I hope he doesn't spend that whole tenner in one place.

>
> Ahhh, yes ^ the Auction! Set in three parts over three days, the
> Bulldada Auction once again plumbed the depths of Pink stupidity and
> provided a treasure trove of multimedia of all sorts to be auctioned
> offSwith bids going for as little as $1 for other, and at least two
> items going for $50! The infamous "Evidence Bibleo/oo by whackjob Kirk
> Cameron and his "Way of the Mastero/oo ministries went for a paltry $3 (a
> bargain!), while Anonymous engaged in a bidding war over Andrew
> Morton's unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise. And then there was Dr.
> Dark's contribution of scanned images from disgusting underground
> comic books, which turned out to be one of the $50 bids! From the
> "Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexualityo/oo to "Leanna Quigley's
> Horror Workouto/oo (a rare VHS tape!) to the Loompanics catalog, to early
> vinyl albums by Lonesome Cowboy Dave ^ who was ALSO there on stage! ^
> this was an Auction that seized the audience and caused the laughs
> (and dollars) to flow like water. Praise Dr. Howll for his management
> of the Auction!

I shall strive to manage the spending of said monies in a manner
appropriate to the nature of their acquisition!

>
> Yes, this is truly a might Church to be in, to have friends like Dr.
> Howll. And another good friend, the legendary D.J. Shaver, got some
> true Slack at X-Day by giving us the finest D.J. Shaver Dog And Pony
> Show of all! Best of all, he FINALLY had an AUDIENCE for his show!
> Due to unfortunate circumstances, Shaver's shows at X-Day were
> performed on stage in front of small audiences of maybe fifteen people
> at the mostSbut not THIS time. He had a real audience, and he kept
> them in stitches throughout his entire performance as he subjected
> them to some of the strangest music of all timeSAND, some of the
> greatest porn! Where else but X-Day could you see a live sex show on
> stage as three Sex Goddesses licked, tasted, and sucked onSIT?!?

You know, until now, I had blanked that image out of my mind, even
though I presumably filmed it all in disgusting close-up.

>
> Fat Free, the bulldada musicians from the 2007 Baltimore Devival,
> lived up to their promise and came to X-Day to perform. Their own
> declaration about their music was simple: "We suck!o/oo Would that many
> other bands sucked in the manner that Fat Free sucked at Brushwood!
> Not ONLY did they put on a rockin' show (complete with an AC/DC cover
> entitled, "For Those Who Wait For OEBob,' We Salute Youo/oo), not ONLY did
> they complete their set in time, not ONLY did they participate in the
> events, but they ALSO became fast friends with the Aminos and helped
> run the Sacred Swag Shack. They gave away tons of stickers, CD, and
> other memorabilia, but many mutants gladly paid for their suckiness
> anyways. My own words to them before they left were: "You guys suck.
> And if you want to come back again next year and suck some more, I
> doubt anyone will mind at all.o/oo Their response: "We'll make sure it's
> even worse!o/oo (Pisces later commented that she had never seen the guys
> in Fat Free have as much fun playing on stage as they did at X-Day.
> They truly enjoyed themselves, and before they left they were already
> planning to return next year.

Their drummer/singer, Little Chris, donated hundreds of Parachuting
Greys to the crowd at large, which led to that amazing "rain of melting
alien parachutes" over the Ikon Burning. He personally taught me the
best techniques for throwing those little fellows at a bonfire in such
a way that the heat lifts them high into the air instead of letting
them burn into little milky puddles.

FAT FREE has the best songs about the Time of PeE EVAR! I will be
copying and sending them our footage and recordings A.S.A.P. -- same
with the other bands. We don't pay well but we are dutiful about
credits and copies of recordings.

>
> But by far, the show was stolen by the Amino Acids, who gave us their
> wildest and most energetic show EVER! Those who made the pilgrimage
> to Brushwood were promised that they would see aliens, and they DID
> INDEED see aliensSbut before the show, we were blessed with the world
> premiere of Part 1 of the AMINO ACIDS MOVIE! Soon to be in theaters
> (or at least on DVD), a packed house was treated to the beginnings of
> a mysterious tale involving children being possessed by aliens, clown
> murders, and the terrorizing of innocents. And once again, somehow,
> during the midst of the screening, the Amino Acids themselves
> materialized out of thin air to take the stage and give the audience a
> rock show they would NEVER FORGET!

The fact that Larry Harmon, creator of Bozo, died at the exact moment
that the Aminos premiered the clown-killing scene was MERE COINCIDENCE.

>
> And the alien presence of the Aminos was ONLY THE BEGINNING! For when
> the show was over, the entire crowd of gathered SubGenii was summoned
> to the Roundhouse for the annual Ikon Burning of "Bobo/ooSexcept this
> time, THINGS happened that had never been seen at the bonfire before!
> "Bobo/oo was indeed burned at that bonfire, but at the same time a non-
> stop, unending rain of parachuting aliens descended upon that bonfire
> during the time of the burning. The fire consumed most of them, yet
> every so often it would take one of the mysterious creatures and float
> it dozens of feet into the air, before finally letting the
> extraterrestrial descend into the fire in a spark of flame. AND THEN
> CAME THE UFO LAUNCHING! A giant flaming ball appeared in the midst of
> the Roundhouse, and it slowly ascended for MILES into the midnight
> sky, casting a luminescent glow upon Brushwood that outshone the Moon,
> as the inexplicable alien vessel sailed off into the sky, becoming a
> point of light with the stars themselves before disappearing forever.
> I am convinced that by this time next year, there will be at least
> five kook UFO videos on the market showing footage of this strange
> apparition.

Um... yeah. Yeah, that was... really ... uh, supernatural. Gosh, I've
never seen anything like that. No glowing light source could ever be
made to float slowly into the air by mere human beings. Um... heh. Yes.

((See my Starwood Dawn Uncensored Video (which is permanently censored)
for more evidence of similar craft over Brushwood.)

>
> But even the UFOs were not the only supernatural event to take place
> at X-Day. By nightfall on Saturday night, the LIVING DEAD were coming
> to life and swarming across the fields, devouring the living and
> anything else in their sight. Not only was Tiki Banzai invaded by
> zombies, but the corpse of the much-beloved-and-hated musician Chas
> Smith (founder of Einstein's Secret Orchestra) was resurrected, and it
> watched over the stage show as a warning to all. Then, in a surreal
> moment, the long-sundered members of ESO appeared from out of nowhere
> to gather on the fields of Brushwood, and launch Chas's body off into
> the sky in a blaze of rocket fire that climaxed in huge explosions!
> Chas' essence was spread across the gathered denizens of Brushwood and
> the Church of the SubGenius, and this resulted in even stranger
> incidents occurring later that weekend. (Even the Sacred Megaphone
> itself was resurrected from the dead! After performing faithfully for
> all these years, the Megaphone suddenly committed suicide and no
> longer workedSuntil tech-meister Ouroboros Rex performed an arcane
> ritual upon it that bestowed life upon the instrument once again.)

Yes, Chas Smith's valuable tissue fragments were spread all over
Brushwood so that all who were there could breathe them in.

But you know what's pitiful? You know that t-shirt that Legume was
selling on CafePress, "I GOT TEH AIDS AT TIKI BANZAI"? He informed me
that I was the ONLY PERSON who bought that t-shirt.

>
> How strange and bizarre were the actions of the SubGenii at X-Day?
> Ask those who saw the GOAT, and who did things to the GOAT that I'll
> not repeat here. That poor goat was held captive at the stage, and
> violated in every possible orifice in ways that would make stalwart
> men vomit. Indeed, J.R. "Bobo/oo Dobbs himself could not look upon the
> depravities inflicted upon that GOAT while the bands were playingSfor
> "Bobo/oo himself had been captured and imprisoned! Unable to escape from
> the shackles and stocks constructed by Leonard the Committed, "Bobo/oo
> was flogged, flayed, sodomized, and mocked throughout the weekend.

This is all true, and you will soon see the hot pix.

>
> Then there was the strangeness of Mike Bison (BITCH!). These two guys
> played a multimedia set, complete with one of the strangest musical
> instruments I have ever seen: a modified Atari 2600 game system set up
> as a crude electronic synthesizer. Their music was so weird, they
> caught the crowd off-guard, but people became more attuned to it when
> they gave encore performances (again and again) at their campsite and
> at the Brushwood Roundhouse for the next couple of days.

I forgave that one drunken young SubGenius for smashing my MR 1000
tripod, because it caused Rev. Nigel & Joy to most generously replace
it with the NEXT WalMart model tripod, the MR 2000, which was VASTLY
better than the one that the guy broke. (I SURE don't know how they
managed that on the 4th of July.) It was Involuntary Slack. I am so
very glad I didn't punch that guy out. What he did -- smashing a tripod
-- was no dumber than things I did at his age and blood alcohol level,
and the end result was A BETTER TRIPOD for the rest of the filming!
"BOB" was guiding that lad's actions. I let him know it was okay and
that I was glad I didn't knock his teeth out.

To this day I have never knocked a single person's teeth out. In one
1999 case it was because I knew if I didn't completely brain the guy
(Ed Strange after an ill-timed jest) on the first blow, my ass would be
grass.

>
> And then came Chick-n-Hed, a.k.a. ChickenHed. I understand these
> people got kudos for their performance at the Final SubGenius Devival
> in Seattle, but you never would have know it based on their behavior
> at X-Day. They arrived at 1:30 in the morning on the night before the
> Rupture, claimed the area of the stage as their own, and stayed there
> partying nonstop for the entire night, the entire next morning, and
> all the way into late Saturday afternoon before they finally
> disappeared and went to recuperate. How they got all of the energy to
> do this was beyond me, though some say there may have been a METHod to
> their madness. ChickenHed were determined to do X-Day their way,
> regardless of what others in the vicinity wanted. To be fair, they
> were polite and they didn't break anything or hurt anyone during their
> stay there. However, their insistence in doing it their own way,
> complete with whining how we were actually part of the Conspiracy
> because suggested they follow the rules, didn't win them many converts
> in the end. (Their electronic techno-raver music actually sounds
> pretty good, though their incessant "dope dope dope dope dope dopeo/oo
> samples drove people nuts.)

I have heard nothing but good about Chickenhed while on their own turf,
and, while they definitely acted like SubGenius 101 cub-scout freshman
while on antisleep and 1,000 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, AT LEAST IT
WASN'T HEINEKEN! I had a conversation with them later in the Drill, at
about 4 a.m. Sunday morning, in which they are were perfectly coherent
and polite and weird, so I think some of the discrepancies can be
chalked up to jet lag and antisleep. Their 7 a.m. shenanigans were at
times irritating, but at the same time, I can't say I had anything
drastically new planned in the event of saucer no-show. It was
something semi-new in that most of us had not heard these "We're
Jamming the Culture Jammers!" cliches in 20 years.

One thing I know about Chickenhead -- as with the pagans, their
womenfolk are comely. That young Chickenhead lady with the braces, you
have to admit, was most charming and sexy in that "drunken San
Francisco nerd girl" way, which is a GREAT way to be sexy. Mmmmm HMMM!
I am hoping that we can have MORE Chickenheds at future X-Days,
specifically Rev. Raki Shangles, radio hostess, who according to all
photos I've seen is RAVISHING and also really funny. Rev. Amos Happ can
tell us for sure since, if I understand correctly, he is the one
bird-dogging her.

>
> I mustn't forget to mention the pagan who finally got sick of our
> noise at 6:00 AM on the morning of July 5th, barely one hour before
> the Rupture. We had been playing loud music and partying all night at
> the various campsites, as happens every year before the Rupture, when
> the guy strolled over to the sound system, turned it off, and angrily
> said, "It's six o'clock in the morning.o/oo Our response: "No shit, and
> the world ends in an hour!o/oo Well, he didn't appreciate this, so he
> went over to the main stage and disturbed Pisces, who was catching a
> few winks of much-deserved sleep before the Rupture. Pisces came over
> to see what was going on, and when we explained the situation, her
> response was simply: "Oh, okay, whatever.o/oo My condolences to the
> pagan who got tired of it, but if he was a Brushwood regular he would
> have realized that this happens EVERY July 5th. (At least we've
> gotten used to their own all-night drum circles.)

Don't assume that every non-SubGenius at Brushwood is a pagan. Some are
just nudists or campers.

But anybody who complains about noise at Brushwood is a dumbass who
didn't read the instructions before they started assembling the kit.

The Brushwood I know has jungle drums echoing through the forests and
tents at all hours, 24 hours a day, every day. I MISSED the drums
during the early part of this X-Day weekend. That primordial, eternal
BEAT is what makes people think the land is magic, that there are
preturnatural geomagnetic "ley lines" running through the property,
that this is the one chosen and ordained time to finally cheat on one's
spouse. If you come to Brushwood, you should either be prepared to let
the drums lull you to sleep after a night of depravity, or to take 2
Ambiens and WUSS OUT.

Many of us do BOTH.

Ironically, there was a moment on Sunday pre-dawn when the best music
in the universe was halted because it was "too loud." Rev. Angry Larry,
Rev. Zombear from Fat Free, and rotating drummer-like entities, were
jamming just for the unrecorded, audience-less hell of it, just to
play, and Brushwood Central asked them to knock it off within a
reasonable time. That was some sublime jamming. We/I happened upon the
scene in time to get some 2-minute sample recordings and a little
video, but otherwise it was unrecorded and will remain as a
jaw-dropping memory for those of us who stumbled upon it in our
late-night rounds. Dok Frop has verified that it was as good to him as
it seemed at the time to us. Rev. Angry Larry is so good at so many
things that he almost disqualifies himself from the Church.

>
> And the Rupture itselfS
>
> 6:30 AM saw the sounds of an angry siren blasting through the
> SubGenius camps, awakening them from their drunken reverie and
> slumber. The turnout for the Rupture was the greatest it had ever
> been since 1998!

I guess that is true. Each year I have been increasingly surprised at
how many valiant spirits have been able to rouse themselves and stand
upright for that Extreme SubMoment each year. We get more each year. I
counted! There were 47 people there at the main time, staring either at
me or whichever Chickenhed person was screaming the loudest. We did not
have the Kool-Aid available due to a misunderstanding, but we did have
FORTUNE COOKIES and incredible gift bags, thanks respectively to Rev.
Tom Sane and Rev. Susie the Floozy. And... weren't there candies...?
YES! Priestess Piscess made sickeningly sweet alien-head
lollypop/popsickles that many dared not lick... And...? Something? I'm
just now realizing that I don't remember everything. Wei's videos will
hopefully tell all. My secret-spy pocket recorder was shut off 11
minutes in when a Chickenhed slammed me in the chest and unknowingly
pushed the Off button.

Rev. Susie the Floozy has a way of stylistically saving the day every
time the Xists leave us awkwardly guessing. She gave me the t-shirt
you'll see in the pictures. "I'M TRYING TO THINK OF A GOOD EXCUSE" or
something like that was written on it -- it's in the wash now.

> ChickenHed was there, playing their music and
> basically trying to hog all the attention for themselves. But despite
> that, 7:00 AM came and Pisces had wonderful homemade chocolate aliens
> for all. The countdown cameSand wentSand there we were, once again,
> standing in the field looking like assholes, disappointed once again.
> DisappointedSthat we'd come all the way out to Brushwood to PARTY our
> asses off! "Bob,o/oo if you keep disappointing us every year with these
> failed prophecies, then we're going to have to keep coming back to
> Brushwood to party like it's the end of the world ^ every freakin'
> year. That's just SO BAD!
>
> And that doesn't change the fact that there was indeed a prophecy
> fulfilled this year. Some years, X-Day has ended with a sense of some
> disappointment, as if this might be the last year because it just
> isn't worth it. This year, that feeling wasn't there at all. It was,
> instead, a sensation of pure SLACKSand the certainty that we will be
> there next year at Brushwood. That is when we will FINALLY see the
> prophecy of J.R. "Bobo/oo Dobbs fulfilled, and the Xists WILL arrive at
> last!
>
> And especial thanks and credit is due to the Herculean efforts of
> Priestess Pisces, for managing the behind-the-scenes stuff that makes
> X-Day happen. Want to know how we actually kept to the schedule?
> Thank Pisces! Want to know how Stang wasn't delayed in his
> appearances and there weren't overly long waiting times for the
> events? Thank Pisces! Want to know how ChickenHed survived X-Day
> without getting their asses kicked by pissed-off SubGenii? ThankS
> well, okay, thank Two Beans for that one.

I nominate DJ Two Bean for JD Two Beans. Any seconds?

>
> But Pisces managed it all by herself! (And with help from Angry Larry,
> Ouroboros Rex, Two Beans, the Brushwood staff, and many willing victiS
> err, volunteers.) If there's anyone we should bow down and kiss a
> lovely ass for making X-Day so great, it's Pisces. Even Stang
> acknowledged that he got a lot of Slack this X-Day, thanks to HER.

I meant to be lavishing praise on her rather than merely acknowledging,
believe me. We just don't want to be corny. I am pretty sure that
Pisces and I understand each other, having both worked this particular
route now.

>
> And finally...even though we state right on the X-Day Web site that we
> want people to stay through Sunday and take the extra time to go home
> on Monday, almost none of them did. And it was YOUR LOSS! Because
> the ones who stayed on Sunday were treated to a surreal experience,
> courtesy of Dr. Legume, that added yet another notch to the legend of
> Tiki Banzai. How wild was this? Suffice to say, when it ended the
> Brushwood staff were tearing open the trunks of cars looking for
> bodies. Don't believe me? Ask the Brushwood staff themselvesS

?!?!? This has not filtered to me yet. We/I and Hal zoomed off at high
speed for Cleveland on Sunday afternoon, and did make it to WCSB in
time to meet Lonesome Cowboy Dave and Dr. Sinister for a 2-hour radio
show. I remember NOTHING from that, but I do have recordings of it.
Actually the first 5 minutes are fucked up, and if anybody has a good
air-tape of just that first 5 to 10 minutes, I could use it. I
resurrected it somewhat but it sounds like something Gene Hackman might
extract in THE CONVERSATION.

I remember cracking up several times at Hal and Dave. I didn't say much
because I feel like a complete retard compared to them, when it comes
to Impromptu Radio Spouting. Best to just shut up and listen most of
the time.

I will be interested to eventually learn what this final Sunday night
at Brushwood entailed. For that matter, just looking at the photos will
probably help fill in many blanks. The videos will answer even more
questions. But my super-spy audio recordings, my recordings of
everything said around me for 6 days, those should probably be kept in
the vault with a 100-year time-delay opening date.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: X-Day XI: The Prophecy Fulfilled
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

On Jul 9, 4:47 pm, Leonard The Committed <leothec...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Here you go angain, doing everything! Thats one of the better (certainly
> the most comprhensive) XDay reports I've read since my first XDay in
> 2002. Now I dont have to feel compelled to write anything!
>
> Hope that bruise is better.

All wounds heal quickly on Brushwood Island.

I still want to hear your report from Security Central. All the
departmental reports from the sectors under you are in, but your
Commandant's Overview hasn't been filed. Just a friendly warning. I
have a hell of a high-res, unretouched photo of you with that goat,
nudge-wink etc., so don't give me any guff.