I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 7, 2008 8:25 PM

I am. The iVan is downloaded but the living room is a nightmare of
strewn boxes, bags, and Dr. Hal. The dining room is all Goo, stacks of
recorded media and broken cameras, and Dok Frop and Sister Decadence.
I am exporting the endless noises and pictures from the broken
cameras, my pocket super-spy audio recorder, the disks Pater Nostril
recorded from the stage mix board, the Radio Synesthesia shows from
two Sundays, and the money from all the cash boxes, which is seemingly
beyond counting, so much of it is there, Praise God Damned "Bob."
Princess Wei has ordered pizzas "on "Bob"" from the most exotic
pizzareria in town. I am lolling in Slack despite the unloading
action. I plan to unpack in super-slow motion so that I finally have
every little thing back in its place JUST in time to pack it back into
the car for Starwood.

My just-repaired videocam died just after shotting the Sunday
afternoon sausage-shaped UFO at Brushwood. Luckily my neighbor, the
Gay Satanic Jewish Mason Pagan, loaned me his so I can see how well my
experiment of using the video camera's wide-angle lens as a guitar
pick during the Amino Acids show worked out. I look forward to seeing
our 1,000 stills so as to recall what exactly happened during the last
few days.

It appeared that we made quite a nice "shitload" of money from the
entrance fees, Memberships, Bulldada Auction and swag sales. I am
afraid to count it, let's put it that way. The Bulldada Auction has
turned out to be one of the all-time great SubGenius ideas, PRAISE SEX
GOD MODEMAC; it is as close as any religion can get to Something for
Nothing.

Our email likewise was crammed with orders -- not for the cuff links
and cloisonne pins, but for Memberships, which often happens in the
last few hours before 7 am July 5. It will take days just to enter the
credit card numbers.

I am feeling all my Slack! For this X-Day, the first one since the
days of Jesus to have organized help, I was able to Slack Off and do
merely one or two days of superhuman effort instead of a grueling
entire week of it. Some of our volunteer army never made it to
Brushwood at all, some were not functional after sunset, but generally
we had enough help that I never even approached the nervous breakdown
stage that usually happens late Saturday. Priestess Pisces, Stang II,
took on that load and yet even she did not once lose her temper that I
know of. She totally lost her mind several times, but that's what X-
Day Drills are all about, aren't they? Oroborous Rex likewise seemed
ALWAYS to be somewhere nearby, ready with whatever audio-visual geek
help or gear was needed. Modemac resisted temptation continuously and
once again was the ROCK, the very FOUNDATION of Dobbsfull Inspiration
that he has always been.

Pater Nostril once again was as the glue, the very superglue holding
things together, from the sound system to the kitchen to the just
plain coolness. Rev. Steve Scynic, YET AGAIN, was Mister Everything
continuously, somehow able to become anything from a Human Tripod to a
Delivery Service, and was rewarded by a full moon midnight wedding
almost like something out of King Kong, only with him being the Fay
Wray and the hot 20 year old dame being the Killer Ape. (Long story.)

Dr. Legume's return was TRIUMPHANT, and I must say that Prof. Chas
Smith looked better at this X-Day than the last time I saw him.

There were LAUNCHINGS! Parts of the Chas corpse ascended on rockets at
dusk, to explode bits of his AIDS-infected tissues all over Brushwood.

Every night there were bands, climaxing in The Amino Acids
performance, which was so powerful that it drew glowing floating
objects that everyone but me considered to be authentic unexplainable
UFOs.

Pastor Pressure and "Joyce," with Rev. Jim and Rev. John from
Detroit, fed the masses Jesus-style, and Sifu/BIOU fed the elite
Herod-style.

Quite a few people who payed pre-registration fees in advance NEVER
SHOWED. But each cut-off head was replaced by 10 newbies. I am
conservatively guessing that our attendance was well over 150.

I heard many private confessions. The laidless were again laid.
"Bob's" Promise rings true.

This is not the place for the Bobbie Awards, and in fact it will take
a while just to decifer the list we worked from when Pisces and I were
handing them out.

Under the direction of Rev.Dr. Nickie Deathchick Wild, the Swag Shack
produced marvels and wonders never before seen in this age.

Thousands of cheap alien-in-parachute toys were parachuted into the
mighty Ikon-Conflagration thanks to the generous donation of Fat
Free.

Something else happened but right now I can't remember what. I think
some other people performed titanic Herculean generosities and I'm
sure more of those will come back to me after I have eaten and had
some more goo.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Leonard The Committed <leothecomm@gmail.com>

> after I have eaten and had some more goo.

Watch that goo, I heard someone had a bit too much in one sitting this
weekend and tried to bite his own nose off for 3 hours.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@sssssubgenius.com>

Yes, I'm still tripping ovar my bag full of poopie undies and unwashed
things. Wash day around the Condo of Solatude isn't usually until Friday,
but I suspect I may actually cave in and take care of this a littal earlier.
There is quite a bit of bug repellant on some of it, thanks to Rev. Egg
Plant and K'ren. It saved my hide, that's for sure, but now it's emanating
from my duffal bag and the fumes are somewhat stinging my eyes.

But it'll take a lot moar than just that to get me to wash it all early.

I got into the Scrappal already this morning and the Wegman's Chuddar last
night. I should explain that Chuddar is described as "cheddar that spreads
like buttar". And indeed it does. It's one of those things that nobody
around here sells, that's for sure.

I had an immensely slackful time this year, sitting around and flapping my
jaws for hours at a time, having conversatians that would be deemed TL;DR if
you attempted them here on alt.slack. I also made a good decisian to take
one of my fancy wooden folding chairs with me instead of the trusty old
aluminum folding chair I bought at my first X day. The wooden one had an
actual padded seat and high straight back which made excellant countarpoint
with my low lumpy rotund behind. A nice compromise seeing as how I could
not get my reclinar there!

[*]
-----

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Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: "Morose, aka Doktor Holocaust" <Chibithulhu@gmail.com>

PRAISE ALL THE VOLUNTEERS! AND REVEREND STANG! I have never
experienced that much Slack and fun crammed into such a short span of
time before. I think I killed some bad braincells and revived some
good ones, as I was remembering weird shit that I didn't know I knew
afterwards, like how to navigate around a little Pennsylvania town i
haven't been to in over a decade (I crashed with Grandma Holocaust
after X-day, since it was free and she filled me with homemade
grandma-cookin of various delicious sorts)

> Our email likewise was crammed with orders -- not for the cuff links
> and cloisonne pins, but for Memberships, which often happens in the
> last few hours before 7 am July 5. It will take days just to enter the
> credit card numbers.

there'll be more. I am sending a donation once I figure out where I
put my money, in gratitude for the great X-day. my suitcase wouldn't
close from all the swag and bulldada-auction-winnings i put into it,
and still I want to send you more money.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: anna.mckibben@gmail.com

All my stuff, including the bitch-ton of free shit (including my dad's
self-bound minister's copy of The Book of the SubGenius--a true one-of-
a-kind treasure--and a bunch of goodies from Susie the Floozy), is
unpacked. It's the mental unpacking that hasn't happened yet. I had
something like a small mental breakdown at my con-job yesterday,
because the shock of coming back to "civilization" was so
overwhelming. I was close to tears, that's how much I missed Brushwood
and all the kick-assery that happened over the long weekend.

. . .

Okay, heart-touching moment over. Back to genital-touching.

I have some mediocre pictures coming your way, Stang; shots from the
Communion of the Damned and a couple 'here-and-there' random snaps.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending), I didn't get any pictures
of the kid who took the 9 glowsticks up his bunghole for "Bob". What a
trooper he was.

Rev. Anna Dynamite

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From: RevNickie <revnickie@gmail.com>

Always remember, kids: when anally inserting glow sticks, make sure
it's side-to-side and NOT end-to-end, if you get my meaning. If I get
called in the middle of the night because someone has to go to the
emergency room because of a perforated colon, I will literally kill
those responsible.

-RevNickie

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From: "Morose, aka Doktor Holocaust" <Chibithulhu@gmail.com>

When the relatives I was visiting on Monday asked me about X-day, I
told them it was "sort of a big picnic with nice churchy people."

Nice churchy people with posts like the one quoted above. rectal
glowsticks and murderous revenge for perforated colons. I'm so glad I
didn't wind up in one of those other, inferior mind-control cults.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I am depending on photos, videos and recordings in order to deduce
what the hell happened this time, and all pictures will be
appreciated! I especially appreciate that there are NO pics so far
from that bestial glowstick-butt session at Tiki Banzai, which I
thankfully slept or ate through. I only heard about it.

Now we know what Anonymous does for fun, anyhow. Or was that
Chickenhead? I kept getting confused between which newbies hollering
1983 "Bob" cliches were Anonymous and which were Chickenhead. We were
glad to "have" them anyway. Chickenhead's audio gear came in handy on
Saturday night when they weren't around and the Anonymous folks were
all excellent glowstick-holsters.

In theory I have a good spooky night-vision video of the complete
Baptism of the Dead, which was one of my favorite parts of this Drill.
Everybody looked good dead, especially Chas.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: anna.mckibben@gmail.com
>

Yeah, Chas looked pretty good. I have a couple nice pictures of him
that should be in your e-mailbox. I know I sent at least one, in
daylight even, so you get a full effect.

Anonymous=glowstickbutt
Chickenhed=obnoxious goobers @ 7am

Rev. Anna

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: Pisces <KVanHall@gmail.com>

On Jul 9, 9:13 pm, anna.mckib...@gmail.com wrote:
>
> Anonymous=glowstickbutt
> Chickenhed=obnoxious goobers @ 7am
>
> Rev. Anna

btw - i am very glad to know you are not likely related to my
exhusband.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Guess Everybody's Still Unpacking
From: "Rev. Back It On Up 13" <evielust@aol.com>

We meant to feed more of the people we're madly in love with, but they
never showed up. So we just ate what we had for them, ourselves.

This was a big eating vacation, much like my last vacation. If I keep
vacating like this my pants are not going to fit anymore. Luckily I
already have ass to spare so no harm done. We're already planning
next year's menu. Hope you like pork.

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Original file name: I Guess Everybody's Still#9780C - converted on Sunday, 13 July 2008, 22:51