Oh, baby. Forget about all the other kooks in RSPW. This post
titled "THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SUN" by Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) takes
the cake. He claims to be a recording star. He claims to be the manager
of The Warlord. He, without a shadow of a doubt, is the most "out there"
of all the people I have seen on the 'net in quite some time.
Read it and weep.
Later,
ZMT
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THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SUN
I thought you'd want to know about this.
This morning, while staring into the sun, using the telescopic vision
blessed upon me by The Ipeiot, I discovered startling news: As I sus-
pected all along, THE SUN IS ACTUALLY MADE OF WATER, not gas or any
shit like that! I know this because I could actually see little gold-
fish swimming around (sunfish, I guess...) inside the sun, which now
appears to be like a large polyurethane balloon, dropped from the sky
by God perhaps as a practical joke, which landed on some sort of cosmic
meat hook and got stuck in outer space. I'm not sure, but I think I even
saw one of those little twisty-tie things at the top, holding it all
together. One side of this "balloon," (I'm not sure of the actual
scientific terminology) on the inside, there appears to be some alum-
inum foil-type substance which reflects out light and energy directly
to Earth, with the little solar goldfish swimming around in front,
which, from OUR vantage point, makes the sun appear to sparkle. It is
now obvious that Earth is the only planet in the universe that is
capable of accepting light and solar energy from the sun. The sun is
aimed directly at us only. It bypasses Venus, Mercury, Uranus and all
those other planets closer to the sun--they receive nothing. They
deserve nothing. These planets are useless to us. They are only in the
way. We must use our nuclear weaponry and laser beams to destroy
them. I'm sick of the universe getting in my way all the time.
--Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo)
(For ZR PromoPak info, email: <idghtms@mvs.oac.ucla.edu>)
--
"Now just hold on there buddy. Let's be --
Serious. The toilet training of exaulted -- If you don't have this
religious personalities is not our primary -- signature, you probably
topic of discussion." --Harry (Thing Fish) -- paid too much!
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Subject: Re: THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SUN
From: IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU (Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo))
WTF DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WRESTLING???? Well, let me explain:
(The following article is reprinted from the wrestling magazine
TV WRESTLERS; No. 20, April 1994 issue; editor George Napolitano)
(a few years after I got hit by the whiffle bat...)
ENTER THE WARLORD!
Learning the "Secrets of the Golden Crab"
Perhaps many remember the Warlord, who stands some 6'5" and weighs in at
310 lbs., from the days when he was one half of the infamous tag team
the Powers Of Pain, when he and his former partner the Barbarian des-
troyed every major tag team who dared to stand in their way. When there
were no more tag teams left to conquer, Warlord set out on his own sing-
le rampage of destruction. But on his own, left unchecked, the Warlord
proved to be frighteningly dangerous, even to himself.
"No one had the guts to even get in the ring with me! I went from city
to city, town to town, village to village, but their so-called champi-
ons always ran in the other direction! That's when I realized that I
needed to find someone who not only had the wisdom and power to handle
my business matters, but who also shared my desire to win...at any
cost! When I met ZOOGZ RIFT, The Liquid Moamo, I knew he had the man-
iacal tendencies I was looking for!"
And so it was written. Zoogz Rift became the new manager of the Warlord.
"Listen up, pinheads--what you're looking at here is the prototype
wrestler of the 21st century, the model man of the future, the new
Warlord!" Rift, a mysterious, fat little man who claims that his body
is made of 98 per cent water, continues, "I didn't shift gears away from
the rock and roll business to concentrate on wrestling just for the
fame and fortune, the women, or the respect of children! I'm here
because the stupidity of the human race gives me a heart attack! The
world operates at a snail's pace, and it gets me real mad. You're all
looser than clams! I got so angry that I went out to find the most
brutal, sadistic monster I could find; someone who was unstoppable;
someone who was so massive and overwhelming that no one even dare to
look at him! And here is that man, the man of the future, the evil and
destructive Warlord!"
Rift soon took the Warlord on a secret training sabbatical. "The details
of our training are none of your business," threatened Rift, "but I
will tell you this: Through repetition therapy involving my dozens of
record albums, and "golden crab psychotherapy," the Warlord has learned
the lessons of forced liquidification: Never flow as sand, always flow
as water. If one places a rock into a river or stream, the water doesn't
quit, the water isn't defeated--it merely flows around the rock, and
continues to seek out its destiny. The Warlord understands these things
better than any wrestler I've ever met, and there's not a man alive
who can defeat him now!"
Warlord has set his sights on the absolute best the UWF has to offer.
"I can't wait to get in the ring again with 'Cowboy' Bob Orton. Orton,
I hate cowboys, and I will destroy you!" Orton, the current Southern
States Heavyweight Champion, isn't taking the challenge lightly.
"Warlord, I know your reputation as one of the toughest wrestlers
around, and I know you've wrestled all over the world. But I've been
around the squared circle a few years myself, and I know how to take
care of guys like you and that crazy manager of yours!"
UWF Champion "Dr.Death" Steve Williams recently returned to the U.S.
from a tour of Japan and found the Warlord pumped up and ready to go
at it. "I know the devious, underhanded tactics of the Warlord very
well," Williams commented. "He's rough and tough, but the reason why
I'm champion is because I'm rougher and tougher. If Warlord wants my
belt, then let him try to come and get it, daddy!"
The earth will shake like never before, the day that the champions
step in the ring with the massive "man of the future," the unstop-
pable Warlord!
(reprinted by permission)
Does that explain things a little better?
--Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo)
(for ZR PromoPak info, email: <idghtms@mvs.oac.ucla.edu>)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: [KOOK NOMINATION] Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo)
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty) wrote:
> Zeke M. Towson (matajame@cwis.isu.edu) wrote:
> : Oh, baby. Forget about all the other kooks in RSPW. This post
> : titled "THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SUN" by Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) takes
> : the cake. He claims to be a recording star. He claims to be the manager
> : of The Warlord. He, without a shadow of a doubt, is the most "out there"
> : of all the people I have seen on the 'net in quite some time.
>
> : Read it and weep.
>
> <Zoogz's discovery of the Liquid nature of the sun snipped>
>
> I don't get it...Zoogz has shown himself to be a well-received musician,
> a high-class manager, and (now) an inspired scientist who may very well
> win a Nobel prize for this discovery. And you call him a KOOK? You sir,
> obviously have MORE than a few problems of your own...I would recommend
> seeing a good psychiatrist.
>
Zoogz is faced with the same problem that many SubGeniuses, and the Church
at large, have -- when he's lying his ass off, all these idiots BELIEVE
him, and when he plainly states the flat-out, documented, easily-proven
TRUTH, they think he's CRAZY.
AND THAT IS, ITSELF, INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF OF HIS VERY POINT!
Sheesh.
Rev. Ivan Stang
Famous Underground Filmmaker, Actual Real-Life Cult Guru, Celebrated Radio
Preacher, Noted Author, Porn Video Star, Homemaker in a land where the
insane psychiatrists vastly outnumber the sane "mental patients"
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: [KOOK NOMINATION] Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo)
From: jch9334@is2.nyu.edu (Kid Ginsu)
I myself would get into the wrestling ring for a chance to impress Zoogz
Rift, because that is obviously the only possible remaining avenue of
recognition in the wake of such a distinguished manager, mutant,
scientist rock star. Zoogz Rift reminds me of Buckaroo Banzai, so I
guess that I would have to be nothing but one of the devoted Blue Blaze
Irregulars.
Kid Ginsu The World's Greatest pSidekick
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: [KOOK NOMINATION] Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo)
From: pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty)
Zoogz Rift (The Liquid Moamo) (IDGHTMS@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU) wrote:
: pkitty@netcom.com (Purple Kitty) writes:
:>
:>I don't get it...Zoogz has shown himself to be a well-received musician,
:>a high-class manager, and (now) an inspired scientist who may very well
:>win a Nobel prize for this discovery. And you call him a KOOK? You sir,
:>obviously have MORE than a few problems of your own...I would recommend
:>seeing a good psychiatrist.
: THANK YOU, REVEREND PEE KITTY!
: I think I'm in love...
You're welcome! And please, don't be. :-)
RPK
--
Meow!
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