Jesus Christ (slack@metronet.com) wrote:
: Nominations For 1996 Patrio-Pyschotic Anarcho-
: Materialist Party Candidacy for president of the
: United States of America.
: (in no particular order)
: **************************************
: Rev:
:
: Aprilfish
: Dolomite
: DynaSoar
: G. Gorden Gorden
: Pee Kitty
: Tarla Star
: Chris Salt
: Selina
: Sylvia
: Jools Sorrell
: Suzanne Williams
Again with the 'Gorden'. And here after he talked nice about you.
Them's not nominations, them's VOTES. It's not candidacy it's CANDIDACIES.
Unless some of them receive more 'kill' votes than for votes, they'll ALL be
SubPresidents come November.
And the list will grow, oh yes indeedy it will.
Now WE are a Sign of the End Times, Yetikin.
"For they shall ARISE and smite in great numbers, and they shall overpower
the great Pink beast in its lair. And they shall feast on the meat therein,
dancing naked upon the overturned throne." Or some kinda shit.
A short ditty to celebrate the BEGINNING of the END (one vote to the first
to indentify the movie that's from).
Humans are Strange
from
People are Strange -- The Doors
Humans are strange. Yeti are stranger.
There could be danger if they meet alone.
Jehovah is viscous. He put us together
just to see whether we'd gnaw their bones.
We're all strange.
There's something wrong with our brains.
They're too strange.
They're too -- stra-a-a-ange.
[cue honky tonk piano - I LOVE honky tonk.]
SEE children, it's REAL. The votes are coming in, the election is ON.
This is NOT THE JOKE.
VOTE as if your very Yeti nature depended on it. IT JUST MIGHT.
Elect a SubGenius for Last President of the United States
To vote, send $1 to: PO Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
For me: "SubPresident DynaSoar"; against me: "Kill Dynasoar"
Vote early, vote often, vote for or against anyone you want.
--
Doktor DynaSoar Iridium -- dynasor@infi.net -- Punctuator of Evolution
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)
Subject: Re: Electorates for Last President 5/12/96
In article <4ndtqr$em4@nw003.infi.net>, dynasor@infi.net (Dennis
McClain-Furmanski) wrote:
> On 05-14-96, nenslo@teleport.com wrote:
>
> > More to the goddamn point, who gets to be the oswald?
>
> Depends on who you hire.
> I hired Jim the Prophet and the Bilderberger Foundation, and they
> contracted Andy Testa to do the job.
Sources close to the ongoing investigation of the assassination of
SubGenius Last Presidential Candidate DynaSoar revealed that preliminary
autopsy results indicate that Soar may have been infected with deadly
cudoes at the time of his murder.
Official spokespersons for the Renchburg Commission, appointed by Congress
to investigate the assassination, refused to comment, saying that autopsy
results would remain confidential until the investigation was complete.
Walter Reed Medical Center refused to confirm or deny that two Army
pathologists and a lab technician had been infected with the deadly cudoes
virus during the arduous 14-hour autopsy. An anonymous source said that
the three had actually been driven insane by the sight of Soar's internal
organs. Another source said films of the gruesome procedure were "even
sicker than the Roswell autopsy. Better production values, though."
At the Justice Department, officials were tightlipped about what the tapes
from six home video cameras confiscated at the scene of the assassination
actually showed, thereby continuing to fuel speculation that accused
assassin Andy Testa may not have acted alone, and -- even more disturbing
-- that Soar may have survived the brutal shooting and subsequent
explosion.
One prominent conspiracy theorist who wished to remain anonymous said,
"Look -- in the CNN tape you can see Testa turning away after the third
shot, leaving the question of who fired the remaining nine pistol
shots. And both the the CNN and the ABC tapes show there's no way Testa
could have thrown the grenade since he had already been clubbed to the
ground well before it went off. And nobody has answered the question of
who fired the four rifle shots."
Other conspiracy theorists focussed on the "trap door" apparently shown in
the blurry CBS tape. Dennis McClain-Furmanski, an unemployed imaging
specialist from West Virginia, came forward on the Larry King Live show
with an "enhanced" version of the CBS tape which he claimed showed Soar
being hustled into a trap door in the podium even before Testa's leap onto
the stage. McClain-Furmanski's tape shows a smiling man of about Soar's
height calmly smoking a pipe as he is shoved into the line of fire by the
security guards. In the tape's eery slow-motion the man contiues to smile
and hold the pipe in his teeth as his head is blown apart.
NBC's "flying saucer" tape was universally dismissed as a clumsy forgery
since there had been no NBC coverage of the event at which Soar was
assassinated.
FBI officials would not confirm if the voice in the "Neener-neener" audio
tape had been positively identified as that of accused assassin Testa. A
representative of the Ann Arundel County Sheriff's Department confirmed
that the call was received on the 911 line within six minutes of Testa's
escape from the jail and had been made from a nearby pay telephone.
Persons who have listened to the tape dispute whether the caller says "I
will kill him again to PREVENT the new world order" or "...to PRESERVE the
new world order." The confusion was ascribed to poor enunciation due to
the severe beating sustained by Testa when he was taken into custody at
the scene of the assassination.
The entire day shift of the Ann Arundel County Sheriff's Department
remains in what the FBI calls "protective custody" in the wake of Testa's
escape.
The Maryland Army National Guard confirmed that the helicopter used in
Testa's daring escape from the jail had been stolen the week before from a
National Guard airfield in rural Maryland. The Maryland Adjutant General
said that the theft had not been noticed earlier "because it wasn't a
drill weekend."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Subject: Re: Electorates for Last President 5/12/96
*sniff* That was beYOOOOOteefull.
So, am I KILLED yet?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)
Subject: Re: Electorates for Last President 5/12/96
The DynaSoar for Last President campaign staff today announced that their
assassinated leader's bid for the presidency would continue despite his
apparent death.
"A lot of elections in this country have been decided by the graveyard
vote," a campaign spokesperson said. "So it's about time the dead people
had their own candidate." Observers were undecided as to whether the
spokesperson was joking.
The announcement that the campaign would continue was regarded by many
pundits as a cynical ploy to keep money rolling in. The campaign finance
manager, however, insisted that all funds were being directed to the
"SubGenius Foundation" in Dallas, TX.
Little information is available about this shadowy organization, and Soar
was thought to have been embroiled in a major policy dispute with
Foundation higher-ups in the weeks before his suprise announcement for the
office of Last President and his subsequent assassination. The FBI would
not confirm reports that the SubGenius Foundation was under surveillance
for possible complicity in Soar's death.
The Justice Department refused to confirm or deny reports that it was
investigating Soar's involvement in an interstate "Floozie Ring" operated
out of Oklahoma or that two investigators from its Oklahoma City office
have been missing since before Soar's assassination.
The FBI dismissed as "coincidence" the fact that the Maryland National
Guard helicopter used in the escape of accused assassin Andy Testa was
found in a field near Norman, OK. Officials would not comment on reports
that possible evidence in the helicopter had been destroyed by former
television actor Larry Storch. When the copter was discovered by Oklahoma
Highway Patrol officers, Storch was sitting in the co-pilot's seat going,
"THRMMM, THRMM!" He was believed to be drunk.
The announcement by the DynaSoar staff that his campaign would continue
fueled renewed speculation that Soar might have survived his
assassination, and led to renewed demands that the results of the Walter
Reed Medical Center autopsy be released as soon as possible. Officials of
the Renchburg Commission, appointed by Congress to investigate the
assassination, refused to comment.
Jim the AP Stringer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: talysman@psyber.com (John Laviolette)
Subject: Re: Electorates for Last President 5/12/96
NENSLO (nenslo@teleport.com) wrote:
: More to the goddamn point, who gets to be the oswald?
WE ALL DO!
didn't your read the platform statement?
ONE DOLLAR = ONE VOTE || ONE BULLET
TWO DOLLARS = ONE ASSASSINATION
--
-------His Most Feathered Eminence, The UrBeatle--------------------|
talysman@psyber.com | The Revolution is NOT being |
Sacramento CA USA | televised. |
FINGER ME FOR FREE PORNOGRAPHY!
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