Stang "Problem??? What problem? Why everything's just FINE!!!!!" intro
"TIRED OF WAITING" clip (Mary McGuire & Cosmic Dali)
"HEAR MY TRAIN COMIN'" Hendrix clip
"BLACK DAYS" clip (Soundgarden)
TITLE
"Hey Stang" RANT (w/ bg music by ONLY A MOTHER):
(whiney)
Hey Stang, did you listen to my tape yet? How come I haven't heard it on the show?
(plain hippie)
Hey Stang, man, if you're getting too much email, just don't answer it! DUH! But I have a question.
(upper class)
Hey Stang, you didn't spell my name right on the website, and that picture of Susie looks all grainy on my screen.
(brooklyn)
Hey Stang, I know you're busy, but you wouldn't BELIEVE what my DOG did today.
(wildly enthusiastic)
Hey Stang, just called to tell you, I won the LOTTERY! "Bob" came through man! I'll be buying a "Bob" shirt real soon. Just wanted to let you know. So tell me how things are GOING.
(computer)
Mr.-Stang-your-ineternet-access-will-return-.We-are-working-on-the-problem.-Expect-your-service-to-improve-as-soon-as-our-Dallas-move-is-completed.
(somber)
Dear... you never spend... any time... with the family.
(name censored)
Hey STANG DUDE! I haven't seen you in YEARS! I'm in town and I'll be RIGHT OVER.
(Xandy)
Dad, uh, somebody backed into the car today while I was driving it...
(cig-puffing fiend, (name censored))
Hey Stang, you got a minute? I know you're busy so this won't take long. This'll only take you 5 minutes MAX.
(name censored)
STANG have I got a deal for YOU! I have this idea for a game and all you have to do is write the proposal, it'll be easy, we'll all get rich.
(sarcastic, Buck-like)
HEY STANG, I guess you just don't even CARE about ME anymore, guess you're too busy PARTYING with GWAR and fropping with movie stars.
(sad gentle nurse)
Mr. Stang? I'm afraid we have some bad news about your dog's nose. It's cancer.
(clipped)
Well Mr. UH, Stang, we're not accepting applications at this time and well, we'd rather talk to people with COLLEGE DEGREES.
(retarded -- DUMB)
Hey Stang, about those pictures I said I'd scan for you. Uh, I can't find 'em, do you have spare copies you can send me?
(Beavis or Butthead)
Hey Stang, hehheh, this is Bob Dean, the Canadian False Bob, heh heh. GUESS WHAT, heh heh, I GOT INTERVIEWED AGAIN, heh heh, NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH! heh heh
(drunk guy)
Hey REV! REMEMBER ME? We met at that devival in Austin in 1983 and I bought that Bob button from you. But man I lost it, could you send me another one?
(PISSED)
Dear Church of the SubGenius: I ordered a Church Video from you THREE WEEKS AGO and I have yet to see any such video in my mailbox. I am alerting the better business bureau.
(British)
STANG: you MUST SEE this TV special I taped about UFOs. It's somewhere down near the middle of the tape. Tell me what you think.
(Lisping, squeaky mushmouth)
Rev. Stang. I'm sure you're too high and mighty for people like me, but I sent you FIVE 90 minute tapes of me ranting and if you don't even have the courtesy to respond, you can FORGET any future support from me!
(hippie)
HEY STANG DUDE, you're like WORKING TOO HARD on SLACK man, why don't you SLACK OFF teed? GET IT?? Huh huh huh. And where's the Stark Fist, dude?
Well dear friends... now I know how The Omega Man felt. At least he got to go out KILLIN' 'em during the day...
"SICK OF YOU" (GWAR)
Media Barrage from Susie's Pain show: ("You lazy bum! Get a job!" etc.)
It's not a problem... we have no... PROBLEMS here... it is mere nothinsuch.... to quote m'g'brarlin's garblin's...
"Tired of Waiting" by Mary McGuire, continued
"Get Your Mind Together" (Beautiful People hendrix remix) clip
"HARD WORK HERESY" Sister Melodious Chopps (off vid of RantNRave-2, Cleveland)
"SubGenius Hell/Heaven" rant, plus CREDITS rap
End of "Tired of Waiting"
"WHEN MY SHIP ROLLS IN" (Zoogz Rift)
Credits, address for Mary McGuire, Zoogz... "tape always runs out" morbid rap
SIDE 2:
Rev. Susie the Floozie's BOBS SLACKTIME FUNHOUSE -- PAIN show, truncated:
Susie PAIN rant part 1
Oingo Boingo "PAIN" special remix
Misc. clips: Betty Boop, Tom Lehrer, movie mb on pain,
Susie rant on SUBGENII & PAIN,
Ramones "Shock Treatment" clip
"YOU'RE KILLING ME" Zoogz Rift
Misc. clips, Russ Meyer Trailer
Susie's INSPIRATIONAL END SLACK RANT
Zappa "Torture Never Stops" clip
PAPA JOE MAMA RANT: "LIFE'S LITTLE COMPROMISES"
PO Box & end clip from Hendrix boot, "Highway jam" "I got 7 dollars in my pocket, but my heart is broke as hell."
HoS 509
Stang "Problem? What problem?" intro
"TIRED OF WAITING" clip (Mary McGuire )
"Hey Stang" RANT (w/ ONLY A MOTHER):
"SICK OF YOU" (GWAR)
Media Barrage from Susie's Pain show
"Tired of Waiting" by Mary McGuire, continued
"Get Your Mind Together" (Beautiful People) clip
"HARD WORK HERESY" Sister Melodious Chopps CREDITS rap
End of "Tired of Waiting"
"WHEN MY SHIP ROLLS IN" (Zoogz Rift)
Credits "tape always runs out" morbid rap
SIDE 2:
Rev. Susie PAIN show, truncated:
Susie PAIN rant part 1
Oingo Boingo "PAIN" special remix
Misc. clips: Betty Boop, Tom Lehrer, movie mb
Susie rant on SUBGENII & PAIN,
Ramones "Shock Treatment" clip
"YOU'RE KILLING ME" Zoogz Rift
Susie's INSPIRATIONAL END SLACK RANT
JOE MAMA : "LIFE'S LITTLE COMPROMISES"
PO Box
HoS 510
Sorry about the reruns and old shows, folks, but I had to have my yearly nervous breakdown. Only... they're coming more like TWICE a year now, hmmmm. If I told you what it was about, AGAIN, you'd be mad at me so I won't tell ya. But let me put it this way, I got a letter from a guy who'd been following my reports in the SubGenius domain of the Internet, and he said, "Rev. Stang, you're working entirely too hard on Slack." And he may be right, but... that's the way I GET Slack... by WORKING TOO HARD on it. In fact I suspect that what robs me of Slack are the things that keep me FROM working myself to death on Slack. All those, UGH, "NORMAL" things, like... food, and sleep, walking the dogs, all that boring stuff.
It's a cinch I haven't been working too hard on the HOUR of Slack. I've been negligent. YEP -- I SLACKED OFF regarding this show. On the last Hour of Slack you heard that wasn't a rerun, the news was that the great SubGenius preacher, Dr. Legume, had been CALLED HOME B'"BOB" and killed in a motorcycle accident. Well, now it's OLD news that Dr. Legume was resurrected -- bodily raised up in the flesh, back in action, at his own Wake... the Legume Memorial Wake in Cleveland about umpteen weeks ago. Yes, we were all moping around, having a sad devival, talking about what a noble bastard he was, and right when I was saying, "THERE IS NO GOD! HELL THERE'S NOT EVEN A "BOB!" IF THERE WAS A "BOB", Dr. LEGUME would STILL BE ALIVE," well right at that moment, out walked Dr. Legume, who throughout the whole show had been sitting there in a GHOST costume going, "ooooooooohhhhh." And he proceeded to deliver a wallpaper-peeling rant that I PROBABLY WON'T PLAY HERE, because it has too much cussing in it -- you know how SubGenius preachers are aside from Papa Joe Mama -- but we'll play it on the OTHER Hour of Slack, the X-RATED Hour of Slack.
Yes, there is, in a parallel DImension, ANOTHER Hour of Slack -- just like this one, but INFINITELY BETTER. Because in that dimension, there is no FCC. There are almost no Christians, and there is NO LAW. That dimension is... gotta say it again... the Internet. And in the last few months even MORE techno-breakthroughs occured , and one can now, shall we say, BROADCAST LIVE SOUND TRANSMISSION from computer to computer. INTERNET RADIO. Some formats sound like crap, SOME sound almost like an FM radio. And THIS SHOW is available to owners of a regular ordinary PC in the later format. I don't mean you can spend 8 hours downloading two minutes of an x-rated sound clip. I mean you can point your computer at a certain place on the World Wide Web and you will HEAR THE HOUR OF SLACK IN ITS ENTIRETY SPEWING OUT OF YOUR COMPUTER SPEAKERS JUST AS IF IT WERE A RADIO. Onliest difference is, you don't have to wait until it's on... it's "ON" WHENEVER YOU WANT TO HEAR IT, and you can hear it whether you're in New Jersey, New Zealand or New Antarctica. And not only that but you can FAST FORWARD and REWIND it. This is not a fantasy, this is REAL. The OSAKA clench gets better reception than YOU do.
So far, Internet users have been hearing the same shows you've been hearing, but as of NOW we're going to start doing SPECIAL shows to take advantage of the lawlessness of the Net. Yes, the X-Rated Hour of Slack will contain all the REALLY good stuff that we could not POSSIBLY broadcast on ordinary radio. And I ... probably.... don't need to TELL you just HOW OBSCENE AND DEGENERATE, and FUNNY, is some of the "NAUGHTY" material in our collection here. You can PROBABLY WELL IMAGINE.
You can hear the Internet Hour of Slack by tuning to our main web site on the Internet, of which the address is... well I'll give that gobbledegook-sounding string later after you've had time to get a pen to write on your hand with. In the meantime,
**********
BUT I DIGRESS.
Neither preaching nor comedy have traditionally seemed to mix well with rock and roll concerts, not even SUBGENIUS preaching with elaborate video backdrops, taped Drs. 4 Bob music and lots of props like flaming swords, Bleeding Heads that talk, and BUCKETS of PILS. Nay. NOT EVEN AT GWAR concerts.
See, there's this, uh, "BAND" called GWAR that we went on tour with. Meant to do 9 cities, dropped out after 5 with no hard feelings. The thrash speed metal audience, with the rings in their noses and the highly individualated tatoos and so on, was WAY TOO PINK, LAME. COWARDLY and HERDLIKE to deal with the Word of "Bob." EVEN THE AUDIENCE OF GWAR. Which would SURPRISE you if you knew what masters of Bulldada ARE the GWAR beings. If you're only passingly familiar with GWAR, they seem like just another speed metal band except that they wear rubber monster suits and are known for onstage fake disembowelings and abortions in which fake blood, sperm and urine are sprayed all over the teenage audience of pudgy 15 year old boys. But if you IN DISCERNMENT, if you are truly IN THE SPIRIT, you would recognize GWAR as actually a vastly underappreciated SATIRE band, and a very proficient one, not entirely divorced from the beloved approaches of DEVO, Frank Zappa, Mojo Nixon ET ALL. And they are ALMOST as BLASPHEMOUS as Drs. for "Bob."
I could go on and on about the sights I witnessed in their shows and the INCREDIBLY NERVY ANTI-CONSPIRACY RUDENESS in which they indulge on stage, and maybe I will, and in fact I do on the SubGenius website, but this is only a one hour show so LET IT SUFFICE TO SAY that you maybe ought to catch their act any way you can. Those guys, pardon me, those LIVING GODS -- for those AREN'T FAKE RUBBER SUITS, and it ISN'T FAKE BLOOD -- these MASTERS OF BULLADA deserve an audience, shall we say, a BIT MORE APPRECIATIVE OF THEIR ARTISTRY than CAN be those slopehead throwback metalheads who DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN THEY'RE BEING INSULTED AND SATIRIZED BY THEIR HEROES... an audience like, say, the SubGeniuses, who CAN see visions in comic books and wine bottles. In fact, to prove my point, I'm gonna play for you the studio version of their, uh, "hit," the song they play to close each concert, a song THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DURATION OF WHICH the lead singer, Oderus Urungus, who looks like a dog with his face bitten off wearing an armored suit and devil horns, SEEMINGLY URINATES CONTINUOUSLY for 5 MINUTES over the entire audience. This song is about their FANS and is called, SICK OF YOU.
(SICK OF YOU)
GWAR RULES, teed. GWAR is like TOTALLY BUTT-HEIN. I envy VERY few performers but, as I watched GWAR each night after my opening act, through a black and white handycam viewfinder, I WAS NEVER SO JEALOUS IN MY LIFE. These guys are pulling off a good HALF of what a SubGenius devival SHOULD be, of which a SubGenius devival usually is only a quarter. SO -- you can be a know-nothing stuck up effete snob and say, "I can't believe Rev. Stang likes... ugh... GWAR, that's kid stuff," or you can think, "HMMM, Rev. Stang has NEVER EVER ONCE FOR A SECOND STEERED ANYBODY WRONG, his taste is IMMACULATE, MAYBE I should check it out." Because friends... as much as we hate the humans and the Pinks... GWAR does too. And they DELIVER their hate-squared, AN HUNDREDFOLD. Yes, they ARE like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on ACid -- REAL GOOD acid, a LOT of it. Like the POWER RANGERS but X-rated and TOTALLY SATANIC. Like a Robert Williams painting brought to life. Plus they have a great looking eveil nekkid girl dancer who breaths fire, and 19 foot tall robot monsters on stage, and in the first 5 minutes of their Ragnarok end of the world tour, they decapitate OJ Simpson and disembowel the resurrected corpse of Jerry Garcia. Plus the lead singer gets abducted by aliens and the nekkid dancer babe gets an abortion while crucified of her mutant baby, which baby then bites off the face of the SUBGENIUS of the band, the sadistic sophisticate Arabian Nights S&M genii called The Sexicutioner... REV The Sexicutioner, to US.
But I know you wanna hear me talk about the drugs and the groupies. They were FAR better than I ever would have imagined. It was almost as if they MUST HAVE BEEN imaginary. It was cooler than Led Zeppilin... it was COOL more along the lines of SPINAL TAP. That's how it really was.
Incidentally, everything I've been describing, the Legume Death Life devival, the GWAR tour, and the GWAR SHOW, are reported upon in GREAT fictionalized detail, by numerous writers, and PROFUSELY illustrated with color photos and even downloadable videos, on the SubGenius main official website, and I'm about to give that WEB address finally, although half of you are STILL like my GRANDPA was about TV, saying, "HELL, I'M not gonna get connected to the Internet and fall for that Conspiracy distraction, I got ALL THE INFORMATION I NEED already from all these punk zines published by... hmmm, well they all ARE published by TIME WARNER now... well it's true that all radio, TV and publishing are now controlled by 3 huge right wing companies, but... NAH, that INTERNET stuff, that's nothing but child porno and viruses and dumb chat lines, JUST LIKE THE NEWSPAPER SAID. NAH, I'm not gonna fall for that CONSPIRACY TRICK.
Anyway, that SubGenius world wide web site address, for those so gullible as to fall for the Conspiracy trick of a TOTALLY FREE TO ANYBODY 5,000 page SubGenius magazine in full color with the uncensored versions of this show and everything else we ever did, THAT WEB ADDRESS IS: http://www.subgenius.com. And if you can only afford a cheap computer, the newsgroup called alt.slack is just as good but in a more interactive way. Sorry to be so vehement about it but, well, while this Church of the SUbGenius is regarded as but a pathetic FOOTNOTE in the so-called "REAL" world, at least until '98, on the Internet, the Church is famous, repsected, totally uncensored and financially supported. The internet is the first medium I have ever dealt with where it isn't who you know, but WHAT you know. But... you're probably not INTERESTED in THAT. You probably HATE computers with all those complicated instructions like "ON," "OFF," CONNECT TO," and "DISCONNECT," oh no, you're too ORGANIC for all that COMPLICATED DWEEB STUFF.
BUT BACK TO GWAR VERSUS THE CHURCH, and my cool adventures as a touring rock star MC.
The HARD part was not the driving and loading or fending off of audience spit, but dealing with the MUSIC BUSINESS CONSPIRACY in order to MAKE my measly preaching pay by even GETTING ON the tour. The newborn OFFICIAL SUBGENIUS MANAGER, Rev. Steve Devilacqua, and I underwent the tortures of hell in order to force DOBBS down the CRAWS of the hard rock audience, by blackmailing GWAR's manager, Sleazy P. Martini, into getting us on the tour. THAT, AND the hideous repercussions of the resurrection of Dr. Legume at the Cleveland devival, were captured in THESE RECORDINGS from the ESO Radio show on WCSB in Cleveland with Lonesome Cowboy Dave and Rev. Chas Smith, AS LIKE SO:
((ESO end of side B))
HoS 510
1st part rant, on probs and Legume
No way to do justice to the Legume Resurrection devival, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME. BUT:
LEGUME EDIT:
LCDave
Nolan Voyde: Legume Commision?
DEAD GUY CARTOON,
LEGUME WAKE RECORDINGS
Auction,
Kurt
STANG
Forms of Insanity
Lonesome Cowboy Dave
Ginsu,
Legume Resurrection
Rant Part 2, on Internet Show
"SHOW"?
GWAR/SUBGENIUS PINK RADIO INTERVIEW -- Q101 in Chicago Pope Stolie
Rant Pat 3, on GWAR (STANG GWAR rant -- Cleveland?)
DIRTY FILTHY
Stang-GWAR Chicago
Detroit GWAR SALES TABLE
HENDRIX -- LITTLE DRUMMER BOY/SILENT NIGHT
HoS 510?
MY WALLET BELONGS TO BOB off rant n Rave 2
ONLY A MOTHER:
KPFA w/ Sterno
KPFA Post-Tour
Susie's PAIN show
Nolan Voyde: Legume Commision?
Nolan Voyde: The Hate-2 show
Nolan Voyde: Rev. Rock n Hand?
Nolan Voyde: Atom Bomb show?
JOE MAMA RANT: IN DOUBT OF DOBBS
JOE MAMA RANT: PSALM 69
JOE MAMA RANT: HISTORY OF LIES
JOE MAMA RANT: THE BEGINNING TIMES
JOE MAMA RANT: QUID PRO QUO
JOE MAMA RANT: WHAT IF? (Pittsburgh)
JOE MAMA RANT: I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER (Pittsburgh)
STANG GWAR rant -- Cleveland
STANG GWAR rant Detroit
Stang-GWAR Milwaukee,
GWAR:
MEAT SANDWICH
NUDGED
MARTYR DUMB
SURF OF SYN
HENDRIX COMPLETER: EZY RYDER HIGHWAY JAM
MAINE VOCALS?
IN FROM THE STORM: LITTLE WING BOLD AS LOVE
PANDORA'S LUNCHBOX??
SURFACE NOISE??
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE: Get Your Mind Together
Happiness on the Wind
Feel the Heat
The BAD HOUR OF SLACK:
Stang Before Resurrection
LEGUME SPEECH
Legume
HEAD LAUNCHING from Rant n Rave 2 video
DOLEMITE
LOVE CORPSES
SHit On Your Grave
Zoogz Rift
PRANK CALLS
Stang-GWAR Chicago
David Alan Coe
Grandpa's Dirty Ditties
Fuck 'Er One More Time
FIRE IN THE LOINS
SEXECUTIONER
SLAUGHTERAMA
THINK YOU OUGHTA KNOW THIS
THE ROAD BEHIND SOLILOQUY!!
THIS TOILET EARTH: SLAP U AROUND
Original file name: HoS 509-510
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