SIDE ONE:
Dr. P. ELLIS INTRO COLLAGE from Lymph Node Institute "Invasive Therapy" CD
From Ray Brunelle's "LET'S GO TO HELL" CD, cut-up of Art Linkletter sex education record, "MR. PINKLETTER" (interspersed throughout fore-show)
Title
EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA - ESO Swamp Radio, WCSB Cleveland, "VOLUME 9" (media barrage edit by Cantor Chas Smith) --
Intro Clips Barrage
ESO LIVE, Euclid Tavern Devival, Cleveland 11-8-98 "LEMME TELL YA BOUT A PLACE"
ESO Vol. 9: Chas narration re: The Holy Grail of the Yeti Cell DNA Pipe Science lesson
Pinkletter/ESO/
THE JETHROS: "Love Will Keep Us Together"
(also from Ray Brunelle)
ESO Vol 9 "PRAIRIE SQUID" loop music
Stang rant: (background music by El Diablo and Friends, "BEYOND X-DAY" CD)
BUM AND BUMMEST! It's been a low Mudville joy quotient lately... up until JUST NOW, because it feels so GOOD GOOD GOOD to be back, jacked up, shoved in and ON LINE with YOU PEOPLE. You lovely people. "Bob's" people. Many of whom hold "Bob" above the Bible.
And it struck me, why, just this morning. If the Bible ISN'T a giant fairy tale from cover to cover, and there really IS an invisible monster, then I'm the biggest fool in the world.
On the other hand...
...
... NAH!!
Besides, God doesn't have any real competition, aside from "Bob" and Bill Gates. And "Bob" isn't even trying and doesn't want the position. For one thing you have to give too much away. "Bob" wants some BACK. God doesn't really want anything back, no matter what those religious nuts say. At least, when I met him he said he didn't want anything back from ME. "Just go on and have a good time," he said. Easy for God to say, especially when HIS copy of Microsoft Word 5.1a isn't crashing on him, making him spend 7 days rebooting every time. 6 rather.
This all started because I was trying to de-invisibi-fy certain little files in my computer that I SUSPECTED had been implanted by Bill Gates along with his new program, invisibly, which then disabled, nay, CRUELLY MUTILATED my ILLEGAL copy of his OLD proggie. Now bear with me. I've become one of those guys that's like, (Geek Stang voice) "Well, I've got to get in and change the resource fork to make the invisible files visible so that I can hack their registration numbers." My old 1993 copy of Word 5.1 was registered to a "Mart Borantz", and it may be that ALL bootleg copies of it are offspring of that one proto-UR-illegal-piracy-COPY, and Mart Borantz is now infamous, ((start Claude Rains voice)) the most hated enemy of Bill Gates. And Bill said,
"I shall get them ALL by insinuating my horrible viruses and bugs into their little Apple computers. This will happen as soon as I save Apple's butt, financially, and bail them out... the condition will be, 'All right, Steve Jobs, I've saved your pathetic hiney, even though you know I could have crushed you under my vast jackboot of Microsoft. But there is one condition attached. MART BORANTZ MUST DIE. And all his works must be erased from the ken of all Apple users.' Because I could have made another 7 billion dollars off of those Microsoft Word users, such as Ivan Stang. He was the worst of the bootleggers himself. And "Bob" too must DIE. For THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! I, Bill Gates, not "Bob" Dobbs, shall be the MASTER of the CYBER-UNIVERSE! And then, of the PLANET! And finally of the Solar Systime! And then, ultimately, of the Galaxy itself! And then on to Galaxy 3 and Galaxy 7, and all the galaxies that we can count, that are left unruined by the Galactics that came before us... shall be run by MY great OPERATING SYTEM!
For what is reality, but an operating system? What did GOD ever do that I, Bill Gates, did not do? NOTHING! He merely created an operating system, that's all. A simple... well, not so simple! That's the trick, you see! But it's FOOLPROOF! No one has been able to hack it yet. Except "Bob." And soon ME, Bill Gates... the greatest genius of all time! And the greatest capitalist, my only rival being "Bob," who did not have to work for his billions.
And nobody hates HIM. Everyone loves "Bob." They hate me, Bill... but "Bob" shall have his bill come due, right up his great Pipe Shank! Foul smoker... he made my wife cough the other night, at dinner! That "Bob," with his fetid Pipe... he knows I forbid smoking in my universe, and yet he does it anyway. Bullets cannot stop him. But! I, I, Bill Gates, BILL shall stop "Bob"! HA! HA HA! HAHAHAHA!
An operating system, that's all it takes. And NO RIVAL operating systems, needless to say! The Church of the SubGenius has been the ONE VIRUS standing in the way of my SUPER-virus, my MENTAL virus that could take over ALL THE WORLD!!... of freelance hippies and ne'er-do-wells, and shuffle-around-forever students, and rich kids and BUMS, yes, I hate them all. But soon, my operating system will make them all CORPORATE! YES!
The ... but... if only the CHURCH VIRUS was not standing in my way. "Bob" Dobbs is the ultimate hacker. The hacker perhaps even of reality, of my one sole competitor that I have allowed to exist, God Almighty! Him and "Bob".
But "Bob" will be easy to rub out. Yes. I'll just TRICK him into helping himself. That almost always destroys everyone who seeks his help... perhaps if he helps himself, it will destroy him, completely! And my great operating SYSteem shall be able to CONQUOR-- oh, I've already said all that. Eh... anyway, it shall be a GREAT DAY for BILLS! And the final LAST day, of the "BOB"s!! HA! HA HA!!
Eh.
(Stang does credits)
ESO live (Euclid Tavern, Cleveland 11-98) -- "OUTER SPACE" song con't.
ESO VOL. 9: Prairie Squid music/ Collage to "In Dreams"/ HOMO AGENDA AND SPORTS radio preeacher / NEW SONG:
"DOS EQUIS (Don't Let Me Sleep that Night)" song, ESO
"This is the way it's been done for millions of years." (Contact)
Chas: "BOBBIE BRAIN DISSECTION" lesson
SIDE TWO:
Mr. Pinkletter by Ray Brunelle
ESO Live: "FIRE" and CAVEMAN DATING rant, "IN WITH THE IN CROWD"
STANG READS COOL SECTIONFROM DAVID BRIN'S "INFINITY'S SHORE", with music by THE FLYIN' RYAN BROTHERS (Sibling Revelry CD)
ESO VOL 9: "You're An Interesting Species"
Radio with LONESOME COWBOY DAVE, STANG, PRINCESS WEI: THE BLACK HOLE IS HEAVEN -- YA GOTTA FLUSH IT
HoS ALL-INTROS reel: "Go ahead and laff, kids... OUR SOULS ARE DAMNED; YOURS TOO... PATHETIC BOBBIE!
ONAN CANOBITE "B.O.B." excerpt
IrREV. FRIDAY JONES: "Triple Your Soul Back" w/ Flyin' Ryan Bros. bg
ESO VOL. 9: "Church of the Love Retard", Parallel Universe SUbGenius, "SubGenii should be able to say "retard" with impunity" / "SHOW YOU YOURS"
Song "WILDERNESS OF "BOB" (ROBOT version by Chas solo)
ESO radio w/ Dave: "ATOMS ARE JIGGLES"
JANOR HYPERCLEATS in Boston -- "AN INFINITE HATE"
Chas music: "RECREATED IN THE PLASMA POOL" mixed with Stang reading POST-X-DAY PROPHECY (1999 to SPLICE IN TIME) from BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS
ESO Radio 11-13-98, Pledge Drive SHow:
Stang does PO Box, credits and spontaneous rant inspired by BACKGROUND MUSIC by HELLPOPE HUEY ("Deep Choir Patch"
Vol. 9 ESO: "JURRASSIC MAYBERRY PARK" -- "Bob" is the Cosmic Otis --
ESO 11-13-98 Bleepo on "THE INFINITY TREE and "BOB'S" PIPE
((END)) -- NOTE-- for next show, section immediately following this, on 11-13-98, is GREAT -- "Bob's" Bones made of Lincoln Logs, his sex life like Twister, etc.))
Original file name: HoS 660
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