"I don't know who Art is, but I know what I like," boasts a rookie right-hander from the Salt Lake City Tarpturds as he takes a stroll through the recently erected Tai He Men art gallery in downtown Utah. A lot of first-timers would be afraid to admit to a lack of knowledge on the subject, but not our rookie. "Y'know, when I first heard that there was people gettin' blowed up in Central America and the Middle East, and little bitty kids with fat bellies and skinny arms 'n' legs moaning and starving in Africa and India, I said to myself, '"Bob," why does Utah have so much moolah to spend on another art gallery when these hideous Frankenstein nightmares are simultaneously going on all over the world?' And then my team's manager explained it to me, that in a world that ain't so purty to look at sometimes, rich people need things to comfort themselves and protect their eyeballs from the dirt they live in, and so I says, 'Yeah, let's get on with this art stuff, pronto. We gotta fight for our right to potty, and save the rich!'"

?

BACK TO CLASSIC TALES