Um... I guess we'll have the pictures next time...
Um... I guess we'll have the pictures next time...
Exhibit A: PROOF OF DOBBS
While SubGenius Church pamphlets and tracts have been appearing only since 1978, Dobbs -- or someone much like him -- has been leaving hints since the early Fifties. In hundreds of old ads, it is definitely the same man! That someone was setting it up even then is unarguable.
Exhibit B: COMPUTER ENHANCED BLOW-UP REVEALS CROUCHING FIGURE
Although Atwell is clearly seen aiming at Dobbs' stomach, at least 4 bullets went through the religious leader's head. The most mysterious bullet, nicknamed "King Slug" by researchers, entered one ear and exited the other -- strongly suggesting that a second gunman was hiding behind the Golden Calf (Circle A in diagram). Possible third gunman is vaguely seen in Circle B.
Yet a fourth gunman may have been hiding inside the huge "Bob" sculpture (C). Fingerprinting its interior might provide proof, but during a suspicious "photo session" it plunged to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Exhibit C: WOUNDS OF DECEPTION
Doug Saint Clair was able to obtain a faded xerox of a classified Coroner's Report on a certain "John Doe" victim that is almost certainly Dobbs. (To identify him would have meant admitting the murder had happened!) Attached to this were ballistics test reports, wound area pictures, and diagrams of bulletholes on a theater stage, which was also unnamed in the document.
Exhibit D: D.Woodman Atwell -- Assassin or Dupe?
This photograph of Dobbs' accused killer, sent anonymously to Senator Ed Hinckey, has been doctored to make it appear as if Atwell held a long-standing grudge against Dobbs. Researchers believe the background and figure were staged, and Atwell's head added later, by someone who was using the disaffected SubGenius Hierarch as a patsy.
Exhibit E: Diagram of Victoria Theater Stage with Probable Bullet Trajectories
Exhibit F: "THE MELLOW BOB"
Exhibit G: DOES DOBBS STILL LIVE??
(Left)The computer-enhanced enlargement of a photo stolen from CIA files shows a ruined-looking man being rolled on a wheelchair out a door marked "Mood Surgery" at some undisclosed government facility. Could Dobbs be alive, held captive and rendered a living vegetable by some secret branch of the Conspiracy?(Right) Dobbs, prematurely aged by torture at the hands of ruthless Conspiracy doctors?
JHVH-1 is mad at me. I'm hiding out here for awhile. He won't look here. Don't call. -- "Bob"
In April, The SubGenius Foundation recieved this letter on Holiday Inn stationary. The signature resembles "Bob's", but his reckless scrawl would be easy to imitate. The letter is probably just another "Bobbie's" sick idea of a joke.
1. The Conspiracy killed Dobbs; Atwell was their agent and knew the gun was loaded.
2. Atwell is an innocent patsy; The Conspiracy put real bullets in a gun which he thought was loaded with blanks. No other gunmen.
3. Atwell was a patsy, but there were 3 other gunmen.
4. It really all a hoax; there never was a "Bob" Dobbs.
5. Dobbs' wife "Connie" got D. Woodman Atwell to shoot Dobbs by promising him sexual favors.
6. Dobbs himself staged the shooting, using a double -- he's in hiding.
7. Dobbs staged it but accidentally got himself killed instead of the double.
8. Dobbs travelled back in time from a future in which he had become World Overlord, and shot himself so that that future would never happen.
9. This article itself is part of a conspiracy to discredit Conspiracy Researchers
A. Those who don't believe in "Bob"
B. Those who do believe in "Bob"
1. "Bob" isn't really dead; still secretly runs Church
2. "Bob" isn't dead, but doesn't want anything to do with Church
3. "Bob" is dead and won't be back.
4. "Bob" is dead and will be back.
5. "Bob" is dead and will be back, but only this particular group can bring him back.
6. "Bob" is dead but will be replaced by a "Conspiracy" double
7. "Bob" is a vegetable and is imprisoned by "The Conspiracy"; will be replaced by a Conspiracy double.
8. "Bob" is a vegetable but still runs the Church.
What of "Bob's" last words?
There are conflicting reports. Ivan Stang claimed Dobbs muttered, "The Doorway to ... It's opening! You must close it! The Key is..." -- and then expired. Robins, however, recalled Dobbs mumbling about "...secret instructions... Stang... must not know."
*The Church constantly pleads poverty, yet rumors persist of their having purchased huge tracts of land in Malaysia, Bolivia and Brazil, and establishing Dobbstowns I, II and III in the jungles. Where did that kind of money come from?