by

Leggo Lambert

"This is what you should be rubbin'!"

--J.R. "Connie" Dobbs

I wish I could just drop 'em and show you the sucker! It's that god damn simple. THIS IS NOT SOME LOUSY GIMMICK to make you feel INFERIOR and REPRODUCTIVELY AMBIGUOUS! Like so many other spots. THIS IS THE REAL THING and by the end of this document you will know where your SubG-Spot is, and you will be able to find it on other people, if they ask you to.

I will tell you first of all that THIS SPOT TRANSCENDS SEXUAL ALIGNMENT. You have one. Your mother has one. That asshole who wrote the book about that OTHER SPOT has one. AS SURE AS WE ARE ALL BORN WITH A COGNITIVE URGE TO CRAP OUR PANTS we are born with SubG-Spots. It is a question of maintenance.

Some of you, I can tell, are thinking that this SubG-Spot is going to give you BETTER, MORE SOPHISTICATED SEXhurt. Or that THIS IS THE KEY THAT WILL UNLOCK YOUR ORGASM PROBLEM. Or, perhaps, MAKE YOU A BETTER ORGASM-DONOR. This simply isn't true. You've already had the best sex you will ever get. If you are looking for a MIRACLE then put this down and find that GYNECOLOGICAL TRAVESTY you think you need.

Now, you are probably thinking that I WILL NEVER ACTUALLY TELL YOU where your SubG-Spot is, or that this has got to be some kind of joke. FUCK YOU!

I will tell you for the last time that I AM NOT KIDDING; you have a SubG-Spot and you will know what it's for in just a short while.

Your SubG-Spot is a Slack-sensitive patch of tissue covering the triangular-shaped coccyx bone ant the base of your spine: WHERE YOUR TAIL USED TO BE! Place your hand behind your back along th knobbed ridge of your backbone. Slowly, so as not to OVERSHOOT your SubG-Spot, run your fingertips downwords untill you run out of bone.

At this point, your fingertips should be somewhere above your anus and below where your coccyx attaches to your backbone. Press into your fleshy coverage with your index finger. You should be able to FEEL the TIP OF THE TRIANGE -- the downward-pointing apex of your coccyx. PRESS IT HARD. This, my friend, is the provebial Slack Antenna itself, that WHOLLY MYSTERIOUS ANATOMIC ANOMALY that is likely to change your life and the lives of those whose lives change easily, THE SUBG-SPOT.

Locating the Spot itself, though easier and more straight-forwadr than locating CONSPIRACY SPOTS that have you PUMMELING YOUR ORIFICES TILL YOU DIE, is rather useless unless you're acquainted with the Dobbs-approved procedure for MANEFESTING ITS DIVINE PURPOSE.

I would like to take this opportunity to WARN THOSE who feel as I don't, that this ancestral tail of ours -- the coccyx -- is a vestigal calcitic stalactite riding our butts on borrowed time. THERE IS A PURPOSE to this skeletal contrruct! It is not an ANAL UVULA! It is a TEMPLE! And its one and only shrine is the SPOT KNOWN ONLY TO TRUE SUBGENII and monkeys.

Keeping your finger pressed on your Spot, or someone else's, apply enough gradual pressure so it becomes MINIMALLY COMFORTABLE. The sensation you feel is a revitalization of the SubG-Spot's pre metamorphic systalic synegy. If you feel nothing, your SubG-Spot has atrophied. Wiped out, so to speak.

Now, maintaining this pressure, close your eyes and concentrate on TUNING IN nearby Slack emissions. If all you get is STATIC, try rotating your body. Once you have pinned down what you consider a STEADY STREAM OF SLACKWAVE, release your SubG-Spot by drawing your hand away from your back, perpendicular to your spine.

What you feel now is the PHANTOM TAIL emerging from your Spot, the TRUE COCCYX that JHVH-1 SMOTE FROM OUR BODIES! FREE YOUR HANDS AND RUN RAMPANT! PRAISE "BOB" FOR THE TAIL HE HATH RESTORED AT LONG LAST!! WAG YOUR DAMN COCCYX!!!