A Tip for the Enterprising...
This is Rev. Dr. Matt "Todd Rundgren" Fritts Panthenol posting on my
twice eX-wife Nickie's account.
While listening to the good Rev. Stang reiterating "Bob"'s
triple-your-money-back guarantee at Pittsburgh last Friday, it occurred
to me that, rather than the $90 that Stang was mentioning, I was only
guaranteed $60 back seeing as how I had purchased my membership at
Phenomicon a couple of years back. My natural, "Bob"-enhanced consumer
instincts kicked in and I immediately considered buying a SECOND
MEMBERSHIP, just to hedge my bets (no permanent lapse of faith implied...)
Along this line of logic, it occurred to me that the TRULY ENTERPRISING,
ENTREPENEUR-type Subgenius could stand to make a KILLING (figuratively
speaking) by BUYING AS MANY MULTIPLE-MEMBERSHIPS AS HE/SHE COULD POSSIBLY
AFFORD, and then somehow avoiding the rupture (which admittedly might not
be as easy as it sounds...)-thus investing in one's own damnation, with a
GUARANTEED 300% RETURN, no questions asked, tax-free Amarikan dollarinos,
and thus becoming the richest Subgenius in hell!!
If there are any loopholes I've missed, please inform.
eX-Mr. Rev. Nickie Michaud Dr. Matt Todd Rundgren
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
: If there are any loopholes I've missed, please inform.
:
: eX-Mr. Rev. Nickie Michaud Dr. Matt Todd Rundgren
Looks solid to me, bub. Of course, it would have been more Slackful to
simply make the offer to sell these, real or not, than to simply describe
it. But then if you can sell it AFTER having made the logic evident, you'll
be all that much closer to "Bob's" ideal of True Sales Technique.
Maybe X-day insurance policies?
Better jump on it. Stang will see this too and then it'll be all over.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM)
ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud) writes:
> and then somehow avoiding the rupture (which admittedly might not
>be as easy as it sounds...)-thus investing in one's own damnation, with a
Avoiding the rupture is *easy*! Remember, the X-saucers will start at the
International Date-line and go around, hitting each place at exactly
7:00 AM. All you have to do is hide out on one side of the IDL, then
sneak over when the saucers are off on the other side of the world.
BTW, the saucers will have to make some weird side-trips for the
out-of-sync countries like India.
>If there are any loopholes I've missed, please inform.
Most collection agents are unwilling to chase after weird flying saucers
filled with cackling lunatics. Other than that, it's a foolproof plan!
-Monty
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: dynasor@infi.net
Any idea what they'll do when they hit Russia and Siberia? Last I heard, the
entire expanse covers 11 time zones, but the whole thing is on Moscow time.
Maybe a replay of the Tunguska attempt at The Erasure would make things
easier for them.
--
dynasor@infi.net The Doctor is on.
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: rjtoth@aol.com (RJToth)
"You've got to have a clown when you ask people for money."
---Uncanonized Saint P.V.
You're teeing up the wrong head. What good will money do you if you avoid
the rupture? You think anyone will be exchanging irradiated greenbacks for
GUNS, AMMO and 'PHEDS?
Call me a heretic, but, frankly, I think the money-back offer is a kind of
MONKEY'S PAW---"BOB" constantly tests our resolve by raising the
membership fee, knowing that the FREE MARKETERS inside us all will chomp
at the bit to have our BUCKS APPRECIATE. BUT IT'S A TRAP: Something will
happen. The check will turn to GREEN SHIT in your hands; the portrait of
ADAM WEISHAUPT will come to life and tear off your fingers; the eye in the
SEAL will look right through you.
Loved "I Just Want to Bang on the Drums All Day," by the way. How about an
on-line concert?
See you on the battlements.
the Rev. Rob
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: thescum@unix.infoserve.net (Byron Jacquot)
[snippy-snip]
: If there are any loopholes I've miissed, please inform.
Theres gotta be a catch to the "triple your money back" thing. Being the
businessman that he was, "Bob" wouldnt let us cost him money like that.
Either he's not gonna loose the money at all, or theres some great reason
for him to risk it...come X-Day, we'll all know how it works.
--
.sig:
thescum@unix.infoserve.net
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: tabst22+@pitt.edu (Tod A Beardsley)
Of course "Bob" can make that guarantee. You seem to be forgetting, Dobbs
is, at heart, a Salesman. And a good Salesman /always/ believes in the
product he's Selling. Thus, since he is *The* Salesman, he must hold some
fanatical, bordering on neurotic, OBSESSION with the product.
Feel free to consult your pocket Zig Ziglar guides on this.
(Or watch "Barcelona," a tale of an exceptionally mediocre salesman)
| W.W. Don Fnordlioni, Cap'n of the Fnordian Rangers |
--
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Subject: Re: A tip for the enterprising...
From: clavis@phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
"Bob" can make that offer because guaranteeing us "eternal salvation"
doesn't _cost_ him anything, in fact it will make him RICH!!! "Bob" is
promising that, when the Xists show up, all the Normals and Con-dupes
will be offered up as a sort of soul-doobie for them and the Elder Gods,
and in return for which, we (all the yummy SubGesii and "Bob") will be
taken off to eternal pleasure and orgasm and jarts AND SALVATION!! "Bob"
offers us as potential producers of even better "buzzes" for those high
holy dieties, and we had jest better hope they buy into it!
"Bob", "Bob", "he's" our man, if "he" can't do it, NHGH can!
(Well, maybe not.)
Clavis
needs
your
keys...
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