Subject: REVELATION X IS HEEEERE!!!
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
"Revelation X- The "Bob" Apocryphon" is OUT! Get it now, or be a loser
forever!!! Buy several copies. The publisher Simon & Schuster. The
publication # ISBN: 0-671-77006-3. Annoy all local book stores who do not
have it displayed prominently in their windows. Start a campagn of
terror, already, but GET THAT BOOK!!!
*****
Subject: Revelation X: The "Bob"apocryphon
From: clavis@mindvox.phantom.com (Grand Clavister)
Well, well, my o my!
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Is there anyone here who DIDN'T expect to get their gonads blown the
wrong way out their nostrils by this massive micro-detonation of their
psychic warheads?
This is major league mojo! This is... god, there's no way to describe it!
Ooo mama. I'm only up to page 12 (There is a i-xxiv "Primer" for people who haven't
read the first book. !!!) but it is already obvious that Stang wasn't
kidding when he said that they had outdone themselves on this mon-
strosity! Holy moley! Palmer Vreedees! Art! Dr. Howl!
A few choice quotes I have already found!.....
"If Slack was water, "Bob" would be surfing, and you'd be drowning!"
- Philo Drummond
" I kick habits while the nuns are still in them"
- Connie Dobbs
There are PHOTOs of Dobbs.... computer malefactions and electronic
magicontortions of the rules of nature! Argle bargle and hoo-hah on
a scale that most states won't even ALLOW!!!
I'm not a SubGenius Pope. But I play with one on my TV.
Buy it, you lazy fucks.
"I don't mind being the smartest man in the world... I just wish
it wasn't THIS one... "
- Ozymandias (Adrian Veidt) [Alan Moore] {WATCHMEN}
****
From: Pictor
Subj: grovelling mindless humiliating snivelling praise
I am not worthy to bathe my open heart wounds in the putrefactive feces of the least significant notochord, invertebrate, nor insect eaten by the lowliest, humblest rodent that has ever crossed, is crossing, or may cross the prospective or even potential path of any of the progeny (much less of his own) of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs' path. My central nervous system is a mere Nintendo Game Boy for the exalted fingers of "Bob" as I peruse the shameful and threnodic contributions in my glistening and sensual copy of Rev. X which made its fortuitous arrival today. My faith in "Bob" has been materialized. It's bad enough for humanity to have to try to ignore the arrival of one sacred text from the Saint of Sales back in the Pink Decade. But now, at the turn of the millenium, to have to deal with ANOTHER...well it just makes you want to take another slug of 100 proof bourbon, the kind inches away from your expensive keyboard. Scuse me.
...
;;;
!!!
I am so low. I may hate "Life", but I LOVE "Bob".
****
Subject: Revelation X. One Sub's experience
From: christuck@aol.com (ChrisTuck)
Have you ever experienced white-hot Pipestems driven into your eyeballs,
your brain boiled in your skull until a super-heated bloody foam explodes
from your ears?
You will... once you read Revelation X!
Yesterday, I received a frantic phonecall from the local bookstore.
"Please, come get this... thing you ordered!"
I went to the store, and there, emanating an aura of unspeakable force
that can be used only for good AND evil, was Revelation X. It hummed a
high, keening sound and mysterious breezes wafted around it, disturbing
papers near it. Since it arrived in the shop, NO customers had entered the
place, the Pstench of The Book driving away the Pink, the unmutated and
the unChurched.
I was given the Book and asked to leave, immediately.
I have not slept since then. My eyes still bleed and strange... things...
have occured to my body. There are new... additions and senses. A feeling,
no, a KNOWLEDGE, a sense of RIGHTNESS has filled my being.
Thank you, "Bob"! Thank you for "coming" into my life and pointing me in
the "right" direction.
*Chris Tucker (christuck@aol.com) *
**********
Subject: "Bob" WWW Page
From: modemac@netcom.com (Modemac)
Well, "Bob"-dammit! I vented my anger at the lousy bookstores here in
Harvard Square and their so-called "delays" in receipt of REVELATION X -
when suddenly, The Book appeared before my very eyes! I bought it at
Wordsworth yesterday, December 1, at a very slight discount.
I feel a pounding in my head as I read the sacred pages - either it's the
feeling of my brain cells committing suicide, or it's the birth cry of my
Third Eye...
*******
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
As for "Revelation X": I picked up a copy at the Devival. When was
the last time you peed in public, and were PROUD of it? "Rev X"
will make you proud again.
*****
Subject: Revelation X
From: jfenton@ins.infonet.net (Joel Fenton)
The Central Iowa Clench picked up its first copy of Revelation X today.
Things were fairly normal (except for the Heiler and Smiler clerk at the
bookstore who struggled with the spelling of 'revelation' for a while until
I let him in on the Big Secret) - until I started homeward with the book
(nay, Book) in my paws. I started thumbing through it at each red light...
and found myself alternating between jizzing and shitting my pants with
each psyche-julienneing page turn.
Actually, the best comment came from my sister, who's not Churched but
fairly slackful anyway. "The cover of that book is fuckin' scary!"
Need ANYONE say more?!?! Not so insightful was my dad - "When are you
gonna outgrow that shit?" Makes a fella wonder if the milkman or the
meter reader around the time of my conception had some Yeti blood... it
would explain a lot.
HellPope Joel I
Central Iowa Clench, Rewardian
*****
Subject: Re: Exploding Office Building!
From: clavis@phantom.com (John P. Olinyk)
: Well, I should'nt've oughta done it... but I did.
: I decided to take my copy of _Revelation X: The "Bob"apocryphon_ to
: work, as lunch-hour reading material.
: First off, my pan pizza grew to about 8 times its original size, so
: naturally the secretarial pool wandered over for helpings. Problem
: was, the office I was working at doesn't HAVE a secretarial pool. These
: were either hallucinations brought on by Palmer Vreedees' artwork, or
: sex minions of the Big Boss (TM) on the top floor, attracted by the
: Pstench Augmentation process that Chapter 3 had begun on ... but I
: never found out. They began eating my pizza, and the floor manager
: showed up, mad as hack. He began to chastise me for bringing such
: anti-Con material into a corporate hive such as his. I responded by
: grabbing a nearby Fax, and pulling one of those long screw-in metal
: rods that holds all the files in a file cabinet drawer out, and
: jerry-rigging a Head-launching. The Fax machine immediately began
: to spew notes of well-wishing admirers from all over the globe --
: people I hadn't seen since high school, or grade school, or who were
: in an adjacent crib at Mary Immaculate (where I was born, and later,
: or so I am told, I crushed a doctor's hand with my mighty choppers),
: and many people who I had never met, but had apparently passed on my
: way somewhere in the street. They all wanted to let me know that they
: could count on me to give that boss what-for. So I did.
: If you're interested, I'll explain exactly who they had to send into
: the giant main-floor copier to get him out...
This guy is crazy. Thank goodness. I'd hate to think that such a thing
might...
HAPPEN!!?!?!!!
*****
Subj: Wa-HEEgah!!
From: nenslo@teleport.com
The book came today and I went right over
to a lesbian/art-yuppie nose-ring coffee house and sat on a couch
drinking strong joe GOGGLING IN AWE as by total coincidence they played
the Twin Peaks soundtrack which I only recognized because I saw the movie
and can't forget the hell-roadhouse band.
But anyhow I am just so totally impressed at how great MY ART
looks and HOW BIG my picture is, that I will let you continue to BE MY
FRIEND for a while longer.
Sincerely,
Totally Superior NENSLO
******
That new book x something
From: podex@Mountain.Net (Jeff Johnston)
Date: 8 Jan 1995
Congrats Rev. Stang et al. This book was the 3rd best $15 've ever spent!
1st was all those $15's for bottles of wild turkey and the second was
that hotel room in the philipines that came with a private bath and two
14 year old whores. air conditioner was broke though- I had to make them
sleep in the floor because it was so hot. it was pretty hot last week in
church, they keep the heat on 90 for the old people and they get mad when
I tell them the old people will be warm soon enough. this book is gonna
get yall more ass than the toilet seat at a denny's.
better make it the second best $15 I ever spent, the girl on the right
side of the bed kept coughing all night and I had to burn her with my
cigar several times before she shut up. Them girls make pretty good t.v.
remotes too, never lose a naked philipino woman between the couch
cushions, but it be hard teaching them christian numbers.
Rev. Brother Podex Pope of all West Virginia
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Bitchin' party!
From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)
Date: Fri, Dec 16, 1994
"Rev X" is all I hoped for and more!
I remember when I first encountered "The Book of the SubGenius" nearly
eight years ago: every page a surprise. So far, "Rev X" is doing the
same thing. Lots of bee-you-tiful illustrations and unexpected
combinations of words.
I also picked up "Arise!", a "Media Barrage" tape, your "Branch Bob
Dobbsians" tape, and a best of "Hour of Slack". Of these, I liked
BBD the best. Sadly, I belong to the MTV generation (though I've never
owned cable and thus never spent much time with MTV, praise "Bob"!),
and so rapid cuts / skips really don't knock my socks off. Rather,
I tend to go for good rants that would make Swaggart visualize demons.
In fact, if you have a tape encapsulating the series of short ads you
did (like the one where you were standing in front of a spinning globe),
plus some rants from Pope Meyer et al, I'm buying.
Well, take care, and remember: the rest of us don't exist; our messages
are really being typed up by some AOL flunkie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spy Magazine's "How to Be Annoying Online" Tip #5:
Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them
names like "SexyHousewivesI", then see how many people download it.
Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Thumbed
From: Donna Kossy
Revelation X is being thumbed through quite a bit here, by both
of us. Every time I begin to make progress in the text, however, I get
distracted by all the pretty pictures. This book should win some award,
but I'm not sure which one. It out-SubGeniuses all previous attempts.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Rev...rev....rev...revelation...X!
From: camangin@unity.ncsu.edu (Charles Albert Mangin)
Date: 12 Jan 1995
rev
<what my feeble brain is trying to accomplish, but i, his body am able to>
rev...rev
<is that we both very strongly believe that, in our humble opinion>
revel... revvv revv elation.....
<, the new book, finally and timely acquired by the bookstore nearest us>
revREVreveree LAtioN XX
REVELATION X ROCKED!
<revelation X, ROCKED>
it made my third eye glaze over and begin to cry blood. I particularly
enjoy staring at the 'screaming "bobs"' in the back cover, stereogram style,
and trying to see the hidden message... i haven't seen it yet, but i know it's
there... i just know it!!!
--
This message of public service has been brought to you by the kind people at:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina State University:
AND
Charles Mangin (camangin@somewhere.else.entirely)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Revelation X is in the stores!
From: caedmon@pine.circa.ufl.edu (Simon Wagstaff)
Date: 4 Dec 1994 04:19:17 GMT
I just wanna say that
I GOT MY "BOB"ACRYPHON and I'm so XXX-Oozesquirt Gut-Laughing
Head-Wounded Psychic Exit-Wound Fucked that
I CAN'T STOP THE BLEEDING!
I GOT MINE AND I WANT MORE.
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