SPECIAL ATTENTION TO ALL WHO WORK IN BOOKSTORES!!!
REVELATION X must be placed for maximum sales !!!
Here's a few tricks. I worked in a bookstore when the first edition
of The Book of the SubGenius came out. (I know most of you young
whippersnappers dunno nuthin 'bout the early 1980s, but some of us
oldtimers are still around, by cracky...)
Start with the obvious: Any book with "Bob"'s picture on the cover
MUST be displayed FACE OUT. If possible, also have displays of the
book on the wall, and in the front window.
Stock the book in MULTIPLE LOCATIONS. Of course have a big old
stack where your corporate entity TELLS YOU it's suposed to be
(Humor, Science Fiction, wherever). But also make sure there are
always a few copies in other sections, including RELIGION, OCCULT,
SELF HELP, PSYCHOLOGY, etc. In sections alphabetized by authors,
have a copy or two as under "Dobbs", others under "Sub", and "Stang".
CONVINCE customers that it's EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR !!!
If they see it in humor, giggle and say it's absolutly HILARIOUS!
If they see it in religion, nod sagely and tell them how it really
helped you GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. Etc. Of course most customers
will be Pinks, but don't let that stop you from letting them pay
to know what they really think they think! "Bob" knows that their
money is green, and a book bought by a Pink will often mysteriously
FIND ITS WAY into the hands of a LATENT YETI!!!
Next to the cash register is also a good place to put the books.
Be sure the store ALWAYS has enough of the book to have AT LEAST
ONE WELL STOCKED FACE OUT, in addition to misc scattered copies and
wall/window displays.
I can hear some of you saying, "But Frater Frogalogus, I'm just
making believe I "work" here to get 20 cents above minimum wage and
a chance to lay people who can actually read. I have no real
authority over bookstore policy; all the decisions are made by
my Conspiracy Glorp boss!" To which I say: HA! Use your initiative
for "Bob" to use for "Himself"! You'll be suprised with what you
can get away with if you only try!! Always add 2, 6, or more copies
(as needed for size of store) of "REVELATION X" and "BOOK OF THE
SUBGENIUS" to weekly distributor/Ingram/B&T/regional warehouse
order. If you can't get in more books otherwise, start placing
BOGUS SPECIAL ORDERS!! When special orders aren't picked up, most
stores find it cheaper to place the books on the shelves to see
what happens than to return it immediately to the publisher.
But if possible, don't wait for that; just transfer it directly
from the special order stack onto the shelf. Amuse yourself
by placing orders under names like "Susan D'Nymm"... Or
"J.R. Dobbs". HE MIGHT EVEN COME BY TO PICK IT UP!!!!
Hey, I did this and more a decade ago... and I AM IN AWE
OF THE SLACK AND SEX WHICH "BOB" HAS BEEN SENDING ME IN
EVER INCREASING QUANTITIES SINCE !!!!!
Frater Frogalogus
*******************************************
REVELATION X
-- THE STRUGGLES OF THE READERS
Subject: REVELATION X: Where Is It?!?
From: Rev. Nick Mucherino <74012.2265@CompuServe.COM>
In a moment of apotheosis, my mailbox was rent in twain, and
thricely, and I received the word of the Stark Fist, revealing the
joyful news of the impending publication of REVELATION X. I had a
vision of The Book, in its rightful place next to the Shrine of
Excremediation.
In my quest, I faced the vacant toadies of the local bookstores,
armed with the Holy ISBN code, and in their impotence they were to
claim that they couldn't 'get it up' on their computer screens.
Next I plumbed the Brobdingnagian bookstores where I had, yea,
SEEN and purchased copies of The Book of the SubG. Yet, these major
chain stores claimed of REVELATION X:
"Our distributor won't carry it..." and
"We can't order from that publisher..."
Upon calling the Customer Service department of the publisher, I
was told that they weren't sure when REVELATION X was coming out, and
that there weren't any pre-publication orders being taken. Try in DEC.!
What loyal SubG does not know the work of the CONs when it is
before their eyes? Break out the weapons caches, lock and load, and
DEMAND that every bookstore, even the children's bookstores, especially
XXX bookstores, carry REVELATION X!
-- Reverend Nick Mucherino <74012.2265@COMPUSERVE.COM>
*******
Subject: Revelation X is in the stores!
From: Ron V. Webber <ym@delphi.com>
I just bought my copy of Rev. X at the local Lauriets (sp?) bookstore.
I looked in the New Books section - It wasn't there.
I looked under Religion - It wasn't there.
I looked under Humor - It wasn't there.
I asked at the counter, and they "hadn't heard of it", but looked it up.
They said it was in the "Science Fiction" section - and there it was.
They had two copies. They now only have one copy.
I checked in the front of the book, where the "Library of Congress" information
is printed, and, lo, after the title, the first subject was "Science Fiction -
American". The second subject was "Satire" and the third subject was "Dobbs".
Was this intentional on the part of the authors, or did the book company do
this to make it harder to find? In any case, I have my reading material for
a few more days. If your bookstore doesn't have it, check under Sci Fi.
***
STANG sez:
Intentional. The publishers insisted on calling the other books "humor." Now how often does a true SubGenius find itself browsing in the HUMOR section? That's where the old ladies find their Garfield books. But it HAD to be fit into some "genre" slot, and years of experimenting by SubGenii who work in bookstores showed that they moved fastest in the SF section. Now, OF COURSE it should actually be in the RELIGION section, the SCIENCE section, the ASTROLOGY/OCCULT section, the FATHER'S DAY (or given holiday) section, plus NONFICTION, CLASSICS and "WOMEN'S STUDIES." (Or wherever they keep the sex books). HOWEVER -- this planet IS, after all, TOTALLY RULED by the CONSPIRACY. So, obviously, it is the duty of every SubGenius, WHENEVER entering a bookstore, to take one each of all the SubGenius books and distribute them throughout the other sections.
It also makes the bovine bookstore EmpLoyees NOTICE the Damned Thing.
Thanks,
Rev. Ivan "Mr. Marketting" Stang
***
Subject: Re: Revelation X is in the stores!
From: tom@nucleus.com (Thomas Terashima)
Ron V. Webber (ym@delphi.com) wrote:
: I checked in the front of the book, where the "Library of Congress"
: information is printed, and, lo, after the title, the first subject
: was "Science Fiction - American". The second subject was "Satire"
: and the third subject was "Dobbs".
Wow! Neat! Now, I can "describe" the book to perplexed
bookstore clerks without actually having to fully "explain"
the CotSG; also, this will ensure that _Revelation X_ will
reach at least one segment of the mutant population:
the sci-fi fan geeks/Sf readership!
I've visited a few bookstores here in Calgary and checked
with their special-order desks; apparently, Revelation X
will be shipping to Canada in the next few weeks. I also
had a brief look at the Inmar (sp?) on-line warehouse
distribution list, and there will be at least 250 copies
of _Revelation X_ per regional warehouse, and this
is only *one* warehouse network.
There should be *NO* excuse for every bookstore in
North America to carry Revelation X: badger cute
bookstore clerks (both male and female) to carry it,
brow-beat your friends to get a copy for themselves,
and remember, it makes a *great* Xmas gift!
***
Subject: SubG Books in 'Humor'
From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)
Many have noticed by now the tendency for the Great Tomes of His Pipeness to
appear in humor sections of book stores.
Do not be alarmed. It could hardly be otherwise. It is a premonition.
For will we not be laughing our asses off as we board the saucers, and see
the vast multitudes being loaded into the cargo bays for processing into
PinkBurgers for the Yetisyn on the observation deck? It will be damn funny
then, and it's damn funny now. It's a sure sign of "Bob"'s power that the
pinkish follow his dictates unknowingly, and seemingly of their own
cognition.
"Buy more. Buy more now, and be happy." (THX-1138)
****
Subject: SubG Books in 'Humor'
From: richard.dale@sound.com (Richard Dale)
I would have not seen "High Wierdness By Mail" until 1993 were it
not for a stroke of fortune around 1988 or 1989. I was in a
bookstore walking down the aisle. On one side were romance
novels, on the other handyman books. I was going to the computer
section when the cover caught my eye. I flipped through it and
took about 15 seconds to decide that was the book I was going to
buy that day. I got "Book of the SubGenius" for $3.99 elsewhere
as well as "Three Fisted Tales of Bob" (I forgot the price).
All three make my head hurt deliciously. I haven't gotten around
to "subscribing" to the Stark Fist yet, although I have got a
copy. It's the one with the oriental girl using a dildo.
Mr. and Mrs. William Jefferson Blythe Ceausescu Clinton
***
Subject: Re: SubG Books in 'Humor'
From: jake_mullins@washcoll.edu (Gristletwist)
> Many have noticed by now the tendency for the Great Tomes of His Pipeness to
> appear in humor sections of book stores.
YEs! I finally managed to view these books, the only two in the entire
store, they were back to back in a sort of ...mating position... i can't
explain.. Anyway it was the first time i had ever seen them and i was
pretty surprised. SO i interrupted them and was overjoyed. It's been a
good while since my mind has been inversely gyrated in such a manner. I
didn't manage to buy them, but next time i see them, or their offspring, i
will most certainly do so.
What am i saying, these books HURT, plain and simple.. Hurt me good!
yeah! rrrrrgghh.. I felt just like a plate full of steaming scrambled
eggs, or worse. and that was just from skimming through them (fast
reader)... next i'm going to STUDY them thouroughly, and maybe start a
clench of my own... hmm. maybe even send in that 20... a fresh head wound
have I!
if this is edited incorrectly, tell me.
oh nevermind.
****
Subject: So bookstar is anti-"Bob"
From: camangin@unity.ncsu.edu (Charles Albert Mangin)
I knew it
the moment i stepped in the door, chiming in its jingle-bell fashion, as
bookstore doors are wont to do, i could smell the hatred for all things
subgenii... yes, i could smell the love in the air.
I asked, nicely as i could muster 'where the hell did you stick the book of
the subgenius and revelation X you pink bastard!?!' of the besmocked
register-person, who wore the smiling face of Buddha just three microseconds
longer than i had imagined he could have before he answered me.
'Humor, sir'
First of all, he called me sir.
He should know to address me by my real title 'master of all things sacred
and squishy that crawl beneath or upon the rocks on the shores of the lake
woebegone'
But that's not what irked me.
HUMOR?
I can understand the resistance to putting our catechisms in the religion
section, but, and i looked, they have books there like 'zen and the art of
motorcycle maintenance' which i've read, and has much less to do with
religion than even the 'hare krishna' books i saw there. Ours is a cult,
yes, a cult of separationist ideals, but should we be content to sit idly
by while the most licivitious Reverend Stang is called a humorist?
And oh, but the shame i felt seeping from the pimplyfaced pasty pinko as i
approached him again... 'where are these elusive four copies of Revelation X
you so vilely placed in the humor section, greeblekind?'
It would seem that, no matter where i looked, these four copies of
Revelation X were still not to be found... Perhaps the conspirators had
removed them and imposed in their places 'getting even: the complete book
of dirty tricks'
a good book, i would recommend it to everyone that has intentions of hurting and embarrassing anyone... especially if you have access to a chem. lab.
It was in the humor section too...
--
This message of public service has been brought to you by the kind people at:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina State University:
AND
Charles Mangin (camangin@somewhere.else.entirely)
****
Subject: Re: So bookstar is anti-"Bob"
From: caedmon@pine.circa.ufl.edu (Simon Wagstaff)
Remember, the Conspiracy stands on wooden peg-legs and YOU are the TERMITE.
Just scoop up all the Bibles, Korans, Torahs, Bhagatagitas and the rest
of those religious books and unobtrustively move *them* into the "humor"
section along with Revelation-X and Book of the SubGenius.
"Art is never morally objectionable!"
****
Subject: Re: Revelation X is in the stores!
From: modemac@netcom.com (Modemac)
SirWill1 (SirWill1@omni.voicenet.com) wrote:
: I stopped in this evening to rant publically and found five copies tucked
: away in, of all places, the humor section!! Humor??? Little they know!
: There were a couple of copies of the Book of SubG next to it.
You're doing better than we are here in Boston. I've combed every
bookstore in Harvard Square for it, and all the big ones have many copies
on order. But all of them say it was "delayed" and none of them know why.
The Harvard Coop, on the other hand, says they have SIXTY copies on
order, and they've had people asing about it every day! But they haven't
received it yet.
****
Subject: Re: Revelation X is in the stores!
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
Just to let you know, New York City Subgenii have NO EXCUSE not to
already have the book. It can be found at St. Mark's Books on 3rd ave.
around 9th st. Also, it is at a cool little place called See Hear which
I think is on 7th St between 2nd and 1st aves.
Is "New York Subgenii" a contradiction in terms? I'm not from here,
myself and am planning to move the hell out of this slackless crap pond
as soon as a get out of school.
Have a nice day!!
-Rev. Nickie "Deathchick"
*******
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