Rice and Beans Recipe

By: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)
Date: Wed, 05 Apr 1995 13:16:48 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.religion.scientology

This is a Syrian rice and lentil dish given me by an old family
friend:

Imjudra

8 cups water
4 chicken bouillon cubes
1 cup lentils
1 cup uncooked rice
olive or sesame oil
2 small or 1 large onion
salt
syrian pepper or allspice

Boil water and add bouillon cubes. Add 1 cup lentils and simmer for
20 minutes. Add rice and simmer another 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, brown onion in oil in large frying pan. Add onion to
rice-lentil mixture. Season to taste with salt and syrian pepper or
allspice.

Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)

Sounds like a great recipe. Cheap Too. I was gonna try it but, while
I've nothing against lentils, I prefer pintos or red beans for their
vapor producing qualities. Flatulance is one of the great side effects
of bean dishes, so I always like to maximize my pleasure by using the
beans most likely to produce the greatest amount of air.

I'm interested in others opinions.

These beans make me fart best:
1. pinto beans
2. red beans
3. butter beans
4. navy beans
5. lima beans
6. garbonzo beans

Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (Kevan Smith)

Yep, me too. I love to really load up on a plate of RED BEANS AND RICE
about 20 minutes before bedtime. I fall asleep right away, all the
while with gas expanding in my belly like Hydrogen on the Hindenburg.
When it gets unbearable, it wakes me up, but I hold it in a little
while longer as I fumble for the cig lighter. Then, pulling my PJ's
down, and assuming a "doggy position," I light the flame, hold it
about three inches from the hole, and then ZWOOOOSSSHHHHH!! No More
Body Thetans!!
Ah, Church Rites (tm) ... gotta love 'em.

Radar Labs 23
July 5, 1998
0700

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)
Newsgroups: alt.slack

Pintos and kidneys are also best for me, but black beans are
probably third. I'm planning some controlled studies to verify
these observations. Garbanzos consumed in large quantities produce
painful cramps and diarrhea. And the sputtery kind, too, not the
satisfying, cathartic kind.

On a related topic, what kinds of vegetables have you found
floating with your stools? Corn, green leaf lettuce, and the
skins of tomatoes seem to whiz through me unscathed.

-Joe Newman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)

YEAH, Black Beans make me fart real good too. I forgot about those
darkest of legumes, frejoles negro.
Sometimes I have to take Theophyline for my asthma. When I do I do my
digestive system gets all screwed up. I'm amazed at what I see in the
toilet after a crap. I think I could of chewed my food better, it seemed
like I swallowed it in pieces. But, there in my bowl I see lettuce
leaves, brocolli spears, ears of corn, a whole piece of cherry
pie...damn.

Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)

One time when I was a kid my parents gritted their fucking teeth
and took me and my brother to a restaurant to eat. I ordered a huge
steak, and my Dad ordered prime rib. I ate about a pound of medium
rare beef, then my Dad gave me about a half pound of his prime rib.
The next day, I swear to god I shat meat. It was a horrible sickly
brown turd, which snapped off in the middle, and this chunk of pink
meat protruded from its center. Ragged flecks of pink and brown
circled it in the bowl, and the whole thing looked like a slaughtered
animal.

Yours in Christ,

Joe Newman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman) wrote:
>One time when I was a kid my parents gritted their fucking teeth
>and took me and my brother to a restaurant to eat. I ordered a huge
>steak, and my Dad ordered prime rib. I ate about a pound of medium
>rare beef, then my Dad gave me about a half pound of his prime rib.
>The next day, I swear to god I shat meat. It was a horrible sickly
>brown turd, which snapped off in the middle, and this chunk of pink
>meat protruded from its center. Ragged flecks of pink and brown
>circled it in the bowl, and the whole thing looked like a slaughtered
>animal.

Have you ever noticed a significant different in the overall pstench
of your excremediations depending upon how much fat you consume in
your diet? If I'm being really disciplined and keeping the fat content
low, you'd barely know I was in there (the lightning and howling of
the demons usually gives it away though), but If I've eaten a really
high fat meal...it becomes a death chamber....you'd PRAY to have
zombies eat the nose right off your face, honest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: gunther@bga.com (Joe Newman)

bmyers@ionet.net says...
>
>Have you ever noticed a significant different in the overall pstench
>of your excremediations depending upon how much fat you consume in
>your diet?

Hell yes. Pstench and Ptexture both. I get a lot more of those
liquidy cannonballs that smack up against the back of the bowl
like a Tex Avery character. And the distinct, sour aroma could
drive a maggot away from his carrion.

>If I'm being really disciplined and keeping the fat content
>low, you'd barely know I was in there (the lightning and howling of
>the demons usually gives it away though), but If I've eaten a really
>high fat meal...it becomes a death chamber....you'd PRAY to have
>zombies eat the nose right off your face, honest.

Legumes disperse zombies. Sinuses remain intact. Prayer is replaced
with orgasmic, high-pitched warbling and Dean Martin on the stereo.

-Joe Newman

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Rice and Beans Recipe
From: iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE)

THERE'S NO FLESH IN THIS SO CALLED RECIPIE...

IS IT A GODDAMN DESSERT?

YOU WIGGLY LITTLE WEDGE OF NOSE CHEDDAR!

ICEKNIFE

... ROCK MUSIC OCCULT SECRETS : SASE & $1 to P.O.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 7521
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to RECIPES index

Original file name: RICE.N.BEANS

This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.