Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!

From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Oct 2, 2001 9:05 PM
Message-ID: <Xns912ED65C424B8CortezLegume18465086@24.12.106.199>

So I'm all warm and cozy, napping on my couch. Front door's open, nice day
today, about 75 degrees outside. Susi's cleaning the fish tank.

Through my slumbers I hear strange voices. "We're with the (whogivesafuck)
Baptist Church, and we're ((whogivesafuck)"

I hear Susi say to them quite firmly, "We're not interested".

I fall back asleep for another ten minutes.

Then I wake up, not sure it'd really happened. I ask Susi, "Were we visited
by Jesus freaks?"

"Yes".

I have a sign on my door. "No Solicitors". Yet I have the Avon Lady, TWO
sets of Jesus Freaks, siding salesmen, coming to my door."

Then it hits me. These stupid fuckers don't know what "Soliciting" means.
Ignorant illiterate assholes.

I swear to fuck, the next one that comes to my door I'm gonna INVITE IN. I
will take them to CHAPEL PERILOUS. And I fucking well GUARANTEE you they
will LIVE IN PANTS-SHITTING TERROR of ever knocking on a stranger's door
again.

--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
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Subject: Re: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

New sign.

"Jesus freaks will meet Jesus".

The subtle polite approach just doesn't work.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Man made booze, God made poison ivy -- WHO DO YOU TRUST?

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
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Subject: Re: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!
From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)

William Barwell wrote:

> Somebody needs to make and sell a plastic plaque with a grinning
> Satan face on it and the words "Proselyizers Will Be Eaten" for
> hanging on front doors.

Only problem with that is, they don't even know what a "solicitor" is. We
obviously need to use smaller words on bigger signs. Maybe even just a
cross with the circle/slash "NO" symbol on it.
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!
From: none@yerbiz.com (Legume)

>
> The subtle polite approach just doesn't work.

Here's one:

"GO AWAY. AND NO, I'M NOT KIDDING"

Or:

"If you come here to talk about Jesus, you'd better be prepared to rim me"
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K. "Cortez" Legume

Looking for the New World
and the Palace in the Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

"I <stick figure humping skull> of Jesus"

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
"WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!"

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Subject: Re: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fuckin' READ!
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

priestesspisces@hotmail.com (Priestess Pisces) hunched over a
computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, priestesspisces@hotmail.com (Priestess Pisces)
laughed madly, then wrote:

>hmm.. i had this porblem a while.. cuz one day i was kinda bored and
>rather inebriated when some jahovah's witlesses came by.. and i made
>mistake #1... i talked to them.. the next week, the mormons came.. and
>well they amuse me.. incredibly nice fellows with no brains...but i
>noticed a pattern, these guys must have some list... anyhow just to
>let you in on it- the great thing for ladys to know about the mormons,
>is the cannot come into your house if you are alone, even if you
>invite them in, nope- they arent allowed to talk to a woman unless she
>is there with another woman older than her or her husband... proves
>useful that knowledge... but if my mood is right i love to talk to
>those mormons... they make me giggle... but anyhow.. if you are not
>sick n mental like i am.. what to do...
>i like telling witlesses about "BOB" or my years as a pagan, or how
>much i respect my uncle who is a devout buddhist...these truths in
>life are better for me than making up some reason i dont want to talk
>to these d0rks.
>i had a freind who had the tactic of going to the door with his sword,
>which worked well to, esp. when he went on about how he was a soldier
>in the army of (INSERT RANDOM NONCHRISTIAN GOD NAME HERE)...
>also.. going to the door nekkid helps.. mormons run from me when i
>answer the door nekkid, dem mormons cant handle uberfemme
>nekkidness...
>in the end growing up in Fallwellville (which is what we
>non-fallwellites called lynchburg,va) i have had more jehova preaching
>god slaves on my doorstep than i can keep count of... in one week
>alone when i lived behind the bar on norfolk street next to the womens
>college.. i got Jerrys (Fallwell) kids, witlesses, mormons, and some
>other group i could understand since there accent was too thick... in
>all those instances they had the blessing of waking me up and seeing
>me nekkid.. which worked in all occasions...
>so the end point here.. GO TO THE DOOR NEKKID! thatll do it.
>
>Pisces-
>(proudly nekkid)

rotfl

going to the door naked with a sword, i really have to try that one.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"that's when i realized that you have to treat Windows like a retarded
spider monkey on crack."
- Esse E. Percepi

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/

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Original file name: Ignorant Wretches...learn to fu - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:30