Subject1: Why does JHV1 hate me?

From: "mushroom" <x@x.x>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, May 22, 2001 10:08 AM

I'm nothing but a pink boy, but you gotta hear me out. I want to improve.

- I have just been kicked out of high school with less than a month to go
untill my final exams.
- I have just been kicked out of my parents' house AND learned that they're
getting a divorce.
- I have just been added to some spammer's mailing list and I have received
more than 30 e-mails today which I didn't ask for.
- I live outside the U.S.
- I think I'm an alcoholic.
- The girl I've been in love with for more than a year has just begun dating
my best friend.
- I have no job because employers breathing down my neck steal my slack.
- I have no money because I have no job.
- I have no CotSG membership card because I have no money.
- I have no slack because I have no CotSG membership.
- Suicide is definately becoming an option worth considering.

So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me? What
should I do? What does one do when he has antifaith but no cold cash?

m.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

If you had just added, "I should never have tried marijuana!" you'd
have an anti-pot commercial. If you'd sung it with a Texas accent you'd
have a country-western hit.

> So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
> considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me? What
> should I do? What does one do when he has antifaith but no cold cash?

Well you can always sell your blood to the red cross and use the cash
to buy a membership.

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
Taking the 'rhetorical' out of 'rhetorical question' since 1958

"My name is not really Bob Dobbs" -- purple

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: prostata@bronze.coil.com (Rev. Prostata Cantata)

>- Suicide is definately becoming an option worth considering.
>
>So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
>considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me? What
>should I do? What does one do when he has antifaith but no cold cash?
>
Well, shit, THAT's your problem. You're thinking about all the
CRAP and wishing someone would HELP you instead of concentrating on
generating enough of your own SLACK to counterSLACK all that ANTIslack.
When you FIND your INNER SLACK, your KICK some ASS, boyo!

I was a drop-out living in the BASEMENT of a house with somebody who I
HATED so much I wanted to KILL them, with no money, no job, and a gas
guzzling chevy with no money to buy GAS. I Forged my slack in the WHITE
HOT FIRES of unthinking stupid RISK and in an alcoholic HAZE I rode the
waves of the luck plane right outa that basement and into THE FUTURE. And
NOW, I'm a SUBGENIUS goddammit and I've got SLACK and SEX and FROP and do
you THINK for one PICOSECOND that ANY of that had ANYTHING to do with
"Bob"? FUCK NO! "Bob" is just a receptical for my $30. $30 that I DIDN'T
WANT ANYWAY! I was trying to get RID of it! I let "Bob" have it 'cause he
was BEGGING for it like a little 3 legged puppydog that's just been
assraped by BOB DEAN. The REAL slack is all MINE baby and it's BIG SLACK.
It's the Long and Hard and SHINEY SLACK. My SLACK was dipped in the MAGMA
of HADES and the SMEGMA of JHVA-1!

Fuck "Bob", he ain't gonna help you, but then again, neither is anybody
else! If you're waiting on "Bob"'s HELP to pull you up outta the
cesspool, then let me tell ya, BUCKO, that you better get used to EATIN'
SHIT.

So find someone to smoke up some frop with, and repeat the "Brag
of the Subgenius" to yourself. Scream that BRAG so loud that they come
A-KNOCKIN' ON THE DOOR to find out what the HELL has gotten into ya.
'Cause when you find THAT brag comin' up from inside you, and you realize
that THEY were talking about YOU then from that momment forth, the world
will have HELL TO PAY, and they WILL, They'll be PAYIN' the HELL outa YOU
and when THAT HAPPENS you WILL find SLACK, boy, I tell you what!

--
-------
The mind is a terrible thing to baste!
-Susie the Floozie
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: lyonderboy@hotmail.com (Lupus Yonderboy)

"mushroom" <x@x.x> wrote in message news:<gquO6.17$Fn3.3095@news010.worldonline.dk>...
> I'm nothing but a pink boy, but you gotta hear me out. I want to improve.

First off, you answered your own question in your first six words.

Now for your "hard luck" as if there is such a thing...
1) Are you implying that final exams are a good thing? Forced rote
memorization based on trivial high school bullshit is the epitome of
anti-slack.
2) If you've been kicked out of your parents' house, then you are no
longer directly affected by family turmoil such as a divorce.
3) What is the content of the spam? Porn? Someone is forwarding
bucketloads of it to you and you are complaining.
4) What makes the US so special? It's all the same to the Xists.
5) Simply replace alcohol with sex acts, even if they're
masterbation. Trust me, I did this with cigarettes, and aside for the
daily molestation of the work toilet, it's going great.
6) About that sex acts thing... you'd be surprised how much more your
conscious will allow when you're not in love or out for revenge.
7) You have no job because you don't slack effectively. You
obviously work too hard. Most people mistakenly associate a job with
work. When you disassociate, you'll be doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and
your boss will think you're the hardest working person in the company.
8) Money is cumming.
9) You are allowed to lie, cheat, and steal for that $30. CoSG is
very specific about this. The $30 does not have to come from YOU. In
fact, it's preferable if it doesn't.
10) If you really believe this membership will grant you slack, you
are seriously mixed up. Slack comes from you. If you don't believe
me, just slack off and see for yourself. The membership is
imperative, but by the time you're actually ready for it, you'll have
the money or the ability to cheat it out of others (perhaps your
ex-best friend or ex-girlfriend. Use your imagination).
11) Every option is worth considering. Go ahead, pink boy.
Suicide'll save the Xists the trouble. However, if your damned soul
is worth anything, you'll see that most of the things that have
happened to you were GOOD things. You're gonna off yourself right
when you almost have it NIPPED IN THE BUD!

Read your fucking post. You say you want to improve. Then all this
shit happens. YOU ARE BEING SHOWN THE PATH FROM THE PINK CONSPIRACY.
You are being separated from the things that take away your slack.
It's painful, I know. I'm having problems with slack lately myself.
I wish JHVH considered ME worthy enough for this obvious golden path
of least resistence. Follow the yellow brick road, and take the
truckload of midgets with you! JHVH may hate you, but BOB LOVES YOU.

-LY

PS: TURN OFF THE FUCKING MARILYN MANSON FOR BOB'S SAKE!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: "headkase" <woggster@bigpond.com>

>
> If you had just added, "I should never have tried marijuana!" you'd
> have an anti-pot commercial. If you'd sung it with a Texas accent you'd
> have a country-western hit.

laughing

You is a true prophet for the CoTSG

hedkase

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>

In article <gquO6.17$Fn3.3095@news010.worldonline.dk>, "mushroom" <x@x.x>
wrote:
> I'm nothing but a pink boy, but you gotta hear me out. I want to
> improve.
>
> - I have just been kicked out of high school with less than a month to
> go until my final exams.

God, I wish that had happened to me!! I would have stopped wasting time a
month sooner

> - I have just been kicked out of my parents' house AND learned that
> they're getting a divorce.

In other words, they're nutcases, who can't sort out their rage against
each other from their rage against you. Its obvious that they're crazy,
and they've done you the favor of getting rid of themselves.

> - I have just been added to some spammer's mailing list and I have
> received more than 30 e-mails today which I didn't ask for.

www.sputum.com

Learn to deal with Spam like a man!!

> - I live outside the U.S.

You are the luckiest fucking dude in the world. I have a wife and two
kids, and I'd be more than happy to have them living outside the US. Have
you been reading the fucking paper? Subscribe and put things together for
yourself. You'll see just how lucky you are.

> - I think I'm an alcoholic.

I can almost guarantee you that there's a 12 step program in walking
distance. Use a phone book. I promise you, it REALLY helps.

> - The girl I've been in love with for more than a year has just begun
> dating my best friend.

Thank Connie you haven't married her yet. Oh yeah, and get yourself to a
doctor and get checked for diseases. As to your best friend, he's probably
done you the best favor he ever could have. If you want revenge, encourage
HIM to marry her.

> - I have no job because employers breathing down my neck steal my slack.

Until you find your own slack, you need to pull a paycheck out of the
machine. If someone in your family can be convinced to pay for college,
(You can probably go to a JC even if you haven't graduated high school -
though I don't know how that works where you live.) you're guaranteed a
few extra years of slack.

> - I have no money because I have no job.

Well, get a job. You don't have to work at McDonald's (or the local
equivalent) there's probably a job somewhere in a field you'd actually
enjoy - this is a form of slack. Look at the want ads. You'll find
something that whispers, "That's kind of fun..." and that will be your own
personal slack guiding you.

> - I have no CotSG membership card because I have no money.
> - I have no slack because I have no CotSG membership.

Slack is something you must create for yourself. It comes from inside you.
Dobbs is merely a gate, or maybe a key (thus the doctrine of
ShorDurPerSav,) but you must open that gate for yourself.

> - Suicide is definately becoming an option worth considering.

If you off yourself, you will never be right with Dobbs. As the Church's
senior Boddhisatva, I want you to promise me that you won't off yourself.
You might wind up in the wrong hell, and that would be BAAAAAAAAD.

I also want you to promise me that you'll get help. If you don't have
health insurance, go to a local free clinic (If such things exist in your
neck of the woods) or talk to a sane relative who's not one of your
parents. Perhaps they can help you get set up with a support group or a
therapist - just talk to the therapist first and make sure that you guys
get along.

> So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
> considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me?

Probably because you're sitting in your room being upset and scared
instead of taking some kind of positive action.

I do remember being 17-18. I know its way fucking hard. But take a deep
breath, get yourself some help, and make a plan to get yourself the
things you need.

> What should I do? What does one do when he has antifaith but no cold
> cash?

Frankly, it sound to me like you've got problems worse than the lack of a
SubGenius membership. Work those out and send the $$ when you're able.

I use my real e-mail address here on alt.slack. Feel free to write me if
you need someone to talk to and you're not a troll.

T.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: bear@pole.com (polar bear)

High School can usually be completed through correspondence. It's actually
easier that way. Fewer distractions. If getting it done now is a priority,
call up your school board. They usually have a "last chance" school where
they send malcreants like yourself. Contact the welfare authorities in
your area. If you've been kicked out of your home and express a desire to
finish school, they'll probably set you up with some cash and a place to
live.

If you really are alchoholic, now is the time to nip it in the bud.
Mention this to your case worker and they'll get you into a program.

Forget the chick. More where she came from. It's only hormones at your age
anyway.

Forget the $30. If you make a genuine effort, Bob will notice and provide
you with the means to eventually pay him. The first step on the road to
Slack is making a personal effort to change your situation.

Consider a radical change that gets you completely out of your environment,
AND pays you for your time. For me, this meant going away to sea. Free
room and board plus money in the bank (nowhere to spend it). Other ideas:
tree planting, forest fire fighting, logging, land reclamation. Talk to
your local Govt. employment agency. They know about this stuff. The
military is also an option as some folks here will attest, but this only
makes sense if you live in a country that's not going to war anytime soon.

Forget M Manson. You think that dude gives a shit about you? YOU are the
only one that can truly give a shit about you. Yeah, life is grim, but it
has it's moments, and believe it or not, it gets better as time goes by. It
gets worse towards the end of course, but you're a long way from that, and
there's a lot of cool shit in between. Forget death. Seriously, you'll end
up in a place much worse than you're in now.

You're no pink-boy, you're just a fucked up kid worth saving. Say it. "I'M
WORTH IT!!!" Keep saying it. Use it as your personal mantra. Draw
strength from the simple fact that YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!.

How do I know? Because I was there. Ran away from a fucked up home life
at 15. Kicked out of school, trouble with the law, drugs, bunch of other
stuff. I wouldn't be flapping my jaw if I didn't have some passing
acquaintance with your situation. Yeah I'm an old fuck now and have
probably forgotten how bad it really was, but hey... I'm HERE. I made it
through. Not only did I make it, but I did better than I ever expected. I
surprised myself. You can too.

polar bear
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>

> I'm nothing but a pink boy, but you gotta hear me out. I want to improve.
>
> - I have just been kicked out of high school with less than a month to go
> untill my final exams.

Go back and tell them you have been having personal problems re: suicidal
impulses, parent's divorce, and ask them to work with you. They prolly
will. At the least, they'll hook you up with some counselling.

> - I have just been kicked out of my parents' house AND learned that
they're
> getting a divorce.

It may seem like your parents are so angry at you that you can't talk to
them, but they are the best people to tell about how you are feeling right
now. They do NOT want you to die. If you killed yourself, they would
experience bitter anguish and torment for the rest of their lives, missing
you every second of their miserable, tortured, existences, blaming
themselves and probably spiralling downward into complete incapacitation.
Maybe you're so mad at them that this sounds like what you want -- to punish
them. But your mom carried you inside her body for nine months, and trust
me, pregnancy is a GRUELLING, HELLISH thing. She's suffered enough! Talk
to them, right away.

> - I have just been added to some spammer's mailing list and I have
received
> more than 30 e-mails today which I didn't ask for.

Do what SPUTUM says about this.

> - I live outside the U.S.

Someplace with socialized medicine? If so, go to the doctor and tell him
how you feel. They have Pils now that can fix you right up. You don't even
have to go to a fancy doctor to get them. It's not "pink" to take the Pils.
Many SubGenii are on the Pils and it helps them feel better. Feeling better
is what it's all about.

> - I think I'm an alcoholic.

They got Pils for that too now. If that doesn't work, try the "Moderate
Drinking" help groups, their success rate is like five times the 12-step
ones.

> - The girl I've been in love with for more than a year has just begun
dating
> my best friend.

This is probably the hardest thing you may ever have to deal with. It just
hurts like a goddam BITCH all the damn time and ya can't get no peace.
Everyone's been through it. As you get older, it may happen again and
again, but each time it will hurt less. Never again will it hurt as much as
this time, so just push through it and someday you won't even care, and
you'll laugh at yourself for thinking she was so great. One thing I used to
like to do when that happens is to go camping at a popular state park and
cruise around for good-looking hikers of the desirable sex. Bring condoms.

> - I have no job because employers breathing down my neck steal my slack.

A job is going to be necessary. Look for the best one you can find. Just
zone out while you're there -- it's what everyone else is doing.

> - I have no money because I have no job.

see above

> - I have no CotSG membership card because I have no money
> - I have no slack because I have no CotSG membership.

It is possible to have Slack without being a member. It's just that
membership tilts the Luck Plane your way, so you should get Slack more
frequently and in more powerful doses.

> - Suicide is definately becoming an option worth considering.

If you kill yourself now, you will have gone through all of THAT for
NOTHING! If you stick it out, it WILL get better and someday you'll be
sittin out in the sun, a fine chixor by your side, a cool beverage in your
hand, Slack oozing from your pores, and you'll think, "Man, this is really
living! I'm SO glad I didn't quit when the chips were down."

>
> So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
> considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me? What
> should I do? What does one do when he has antifaith but no cold cash?

Marilyn Manson music is designed to encourage such thoughts. You should
probably turn that off for now. Why not try some peaceful nature sounds
from www.spinner.com ?

"Bob" doesn't help anyone. He can't even help himSELF... at least, not on
purpose. But there are people who are trained to be of service to people in
just such a situation as you are in. Go to them, and they will help.

There are various theories on JHVH-1, about whether or not he is capable of
knowing emotions as we do. The most widely accepted theory is that he does
not "care about" homonid creatures on Earth, viewing us all, Pink and SubG
alike, as a cash crop. Others say our sufferings amuse It. Don't you laugh
when your favorite TV characters get into a sticky predicament? Maybe you
don't but you can see what I mean.

What you should do: 1 Tell parents you feel suicidal. 2 Tell doctor you
feel suicidal 3 Tell school your misbehavior was the result of unbalanced
brain chemistry (bring proof from doctor) and ask for a second chance.

>
> m.
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

"Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
thunder crashed, "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com> laughed madly,
then wrote:
>
>"Bob" doesn't help anyone. He can't even help himSELF... at least, not on
>purpose.
>

There's a kind of crazy wisdom in there that works.

Life is always a struggle. And the harder you try to Make things turn
out the way you want them to, the harder it gets. Like swimming after
a ball floating in the swimming pool, the harder you swim the more you
push it away

So eventually we all want to just STOP. But that's even worse. You
huddle in your dark little room listening to Marylin Manson and hiding
and the walls start to close in on you and something inside you is
going crazy because you aren't DOING anything. And the world outside
starts to seem darker and darker.

So you feel like you're caught between a bad situation and an even
worse one. The tension is unbearable. You can feel it building up in
your head and your body.

But what are you struggling with? What exactly are you wrestling
with? That's not to minimize the bad things that have happened to
you. But things are just things. Like bad weather, bad things will
come and go. Sometimes they'll be fucking awful, sometimes they
won't.

And we all deal with things as they come up. But how can anybody
struggle with -everything-? How do you wrestle the whole world?

People believe that bad things won't happen to good people. So we try
to be better or smarter or stronger and think that will change things,
we'll be immune. It's bullshit though.

So if there isn't some kind of trick, if there isn't some kind of way
of winning, what exactly -should- we do?

Just be yourself. Who you want to be is who you are. Know who you
are.

A river going downhill doesn't struggle at all, but look how
incredible it is. A small river out by where I live carved a canyon
out, the canyon is forested, there's thousands of small animals living
in the forest. This whole mini-world was conjured into existance and
is sustained by this river, and the river just has to do what comes
naturally to it.

The river has this incredible power but it doesn't -do- anything at
all.

Know who you are. Don't let any lame motherfucker tell you who you
are.

That's one of "Bob"'s many secrets. He isn't trying to be better or
smarter or stronger. He's trying to be -more stupid-. Because he
knows who he is, and he knows that's all it takes. And it's because
of exactly that stupidity that things just have a funny way of going
right for him.

>But there are people who are trained to be of service to people in
>just such a situation as you are in. Go to them, and they will help.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Let 'em learn the facts of life from context!
- The Rev. Ivan Stang

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: PsYcHoTrOnIcBoDyRoCk <c-bee1@staff.uiuc.edu>

Joe Cosby wrote:
>
>
> Just be yourself. Who you want to be is who you are. Know who you
> are.
>

Folks say "be yourself", but it's impossible, for heisenbergian
reasons. Whenever I heard that as a teen I said, "Yeah, right". I told
my kids to be whatever they wanted to be until they were. Works great -
the initial confusion gives 'em time to reflect before they start
yappin'. 'Cause once that starts, it's a lost cause.

In fact, that might make a good Bee's postulate. Folks won't think
what *you* want them to think until you've demolished *their* train of thought.

Ya know, when I think of various Church ranters' techniques - this
explains a lot. =)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Why does JHV1 hate me?
From: phony@BVD.com (Beeferroneous)
Newsgroups: alt.slack

>
>So now, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Marilyn Manson and
>considering death. Why doesn't "Bob" help me? Why does JHV1 hate me? What
>should I do?

sell Grit

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Original file name: Why does JHV1 hate me? - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:32