Nannite Angels Cored My Bun

I know this is a bit long for someone so beset by e-demons as yerself, but its so lush and seductive, you just HAVE to poke it with big red...well, you know...

From Kirk's nether regions came rumbling this soylent flatus:

>>>The Angel?
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/bluesky_exnews/20000813_xex_human_id_imp.shtml
>>>This device is advertised as controllable by the wearer. A watch
company is talking about putting them on the backs of watches. Doctors want to use them to make it easy to monitor patients telemetry ... it also interacts with the GPS net and lets people know where you are ... making privacy an illusion.

And when there's a sunspot and all the satellites go wonky, they'll piss themselves dry over the loss of their voyeuristic data.

>>>I submit that this is a violation of all we stand for, and I hereby move
that wearing one of these EXCEPT while in a hospital for telemetric purposes is a SIN under the Subgenius faith. I invite discussion. Ivan Stang, would you care to make some declaration on this?

1) Seems likely they'll start slipping nano-goobers into our FOOD as soon as they can manage it. Its the only sexual thrill besides hooker mutilation such creeps will ever get, so they WILL proceed ASAP. Snoops get a woody from probin' yore bidness. It started as a military "dog tag" embedded with soldiers' particulars for field use. It'll obviously proceed from there as a useful medical breakthrough, extend to "protecting" children and wind up tracking your trips to the bathroom at work and the likker store & porn palace afterwards. It will also be used to follow your buying habits so they can send you junk mail, which may be the bigger threat in the end. The only cookies I generally tolerate are Famous Amos. Delete like a mo'fo, my bretheren n' sisteren. They want your dollars, your urine and your uber-all Slack.

2) Any legal forces that can be aimed at preventing such devices from ever being used will be marshaled with big red straps. This will ultimately be about as successful as preventing T.H.E.M. from being able to plunder your hard drive at will.

3) There will be a loverly high-tech underground dedicated to building yet OTHER nano-ReBooters that will scramble the crap out of the BAD nano-proboscii. Ronco will make yet ANOTHER mint selling scanners that act as "food tasters" so you can nuke the nanoids before you chow down. Someone will also hail THEIR nannites as being superior because they're coated in vitamins. Blargh!

4) I hope they enjoy tracking my trips between the TV, the fridge and the john. I dunno what use they'll make of Sterno's death metal collection list or Sis D's dildo farm report, but I guess that stuff'll be in there somewhere, too. Sure hope they miss my sheep Dolly III's black lace undie tally. I'd be so red-faced. Zork!

5) I don't think ANYthing is really a Dobbs-Sin; I mean, what if I got some sort of sexual Slack from being peeped at all times? Check out my sexy pyloric valve, big boy! What if I want to drive a few of them mad by pasting a glob of nannite nannies on my pecker-head, whipping it out and chasing them around screaming "MONITOR THIS! MONITOR THIIIISSS!!!" The only Sin in THIS Church, besides witholding your cash, of course, is NOT taking their goat-crap-smeared Con pitchforks and doing gonad-ectomies on their most cherished institutions. Never mind 1984 or 666, Ghost o' J. Edgar; I got a 999 that'll CHAP YORE ASS, praise "BOB!!!"

HellPope Huey,
Heavy hangs the head that wears the gamma knife halo

"Out of the old gut onto the goddamned page."
- Terry Southern

"...so complicated, it makes the ending of '2001' 'look like
the burnt pie episode of 'Mama's Family.'"
- Dennis Miller, "I Rant, Therefore I Am"

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Original file name: Nannite angels cored my bun - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:32