In Praise of You-Know-Who :: Sermon #2394

From: andreux@eterna.net (andreux)

Greetings, prayer partners and fellow travellers in Babylon.

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD

Certainly, when I joined this church many moons ago, I had
already read the Book of the SubGenius, like many of you.

Lest we forget, let us review:

LESSON 1: REPENT, QUIT YOUR JOB, SLACK OFF

This month marks the first year of my travels into Bablyon,
children. I have learned many things. I have learned the
tricks of the trade. I have come clean -- not unscarred,
but tempered, as in fine steel. Since X-Day 98, I have been
as a lost sheep, baying my way, trying to find my lost
shephard. Two years to the day, I found him again. I
recognise the familiar smile, the scent of frop. Again,
I am back home. I find myself, now... 2BX and still
recovering from extro-splasmic orgasmo-communion. I have
repented. I have quit my job. I have survived and found
myself cleansed by Emination of Dobbsian psychofludical
trial. In the end, I realised a simple fact that can not
be denied: DOBBS CONTINUED TO SMILE. ALL ALONG, DOBBS
HAD CONTINUED TO SMILE. It is fact: The offering of my
wallet was made years ago -- Dobbs did not abandon. I instead
had to travel the lands of Babylon -- lose my faith --
discard Dobbs in my spiritual trashcan only to recycle
anew and recreate myself into my overman form.

As I say: I am tempered steel. Forged anew and stronger
for the reformation of my most basest of element.

LESSON 2: JULY 5th, 1998 IS X-DAY

Lo! X-day had passed. My faith -- that rock that I had
leant upon so much in previous years -- crumbled. What a
church this is that turns brother against brother, sister
against sister. How dare Dobbs make me pink because of my
apparent lack of FAITH!

Again, failure to realise in Babylon that Dobbs indeed was
there ALL ALONG caused the faulter, children. Rejoice! Through
the calls of "Eli, eli!" came the turning of the Luck Plane
in my direction. Renew! Renew! Faith restored! Walk with
pride, walk with strength!

Note to self: X-day happened. We are in our private waiting
rooms. We have the remote control. We know how to press the
buttons. The Con is that which makes us not want to change
the channel and to surf (the Luck Plane) whilst waiting out
the commercials! 3:47 pm. May 16, 2BX.

LESSON 3: DON'T EAT THAT HAMBURGER, EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT

Life becomes oyster rather than stinky clam. Feel the bliss
of the hand of Dobbs on my shoulder, leaving marks and cum
stains. Be very afraid. I have french kissed the tongues of
flame that came at *my* personal Pentacost. I began speaking
in gums. I began to re-feel hatred. Fire pure, fire pure.
You control your own waiting room. Dare you watch the pay-per-
view porn or will you stick to Nickelodeon? Does late night
re-runs of Sesame Street appeal to you? I FINALLY SAW
SNUFFULUFAGUS. DOBBS CONTINUED TO SMILE. I UNDERSTOOD. We
are in control of our own destiny. Dobbs has decided to strike
a new deal. A deal that takes time to spec out, to sign off.
In the meantime, we are leased the earth. It is there for our
taking. Our method: The Casting Out of False Prophets;
Saving Our Bretheren from Babylon. The SubGenius nation CAN
arise! It is there for us, if we merely reach out our hands.

LESSON 4: HAVE SEX WITH A LIVE, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
(or damn near anything else)

The death of Pastor Craig explains a key tenet to those with
eyes to see the lesson. The ultimate pain is not in the
shattering of the bone, but the fact that he did not use the
misfortune to his advantage:

The world is your dildo. Learn how to switch it on. The
Connie-ites have almost broken the seal to this secret
scroll containing an Important Truth[tm]. "WHY DENY YOURSELF?
YOU HAVE BUT ONE LIFE TO LIFE. SPEND IT WISELY."

Even Papa Joe, preacher of HATE, must concur: We could all
be hosts for the next Janor Device. We could all be hosts of
the next Teenage Hitler Spirit. We could all be our own
TIME MACHINES. We are ALL JOHN HOLMES HERE. Especially
SR. DECADENCE, for she herself had a cock bigger than most.
WE ARE ALL NENSLO. WE ALL ARE ONE IN BOB-JAH LOVE. SPREAD
THAT LOVE.

EPILOGUE -- LESSON LEARNED. BOB TREPANS ME WITH HIS BOUNDLESS
LOVE... THE LOVE FOR ALL HIS LOST CHILDREN -- THE TRUE LOST
TRIBE -- DIASPORA ENDED.

I have opened my third nostril thanks to Revelation X and
Dewalt Drill's 3/8" bits. Sterno once said, "If you're not
going to wear your grandma's face on the side of your sleeve
as a badge of COURAGE, we don't want you in this church!"

I reiterate. DOBBS CONTINUES SMILING. Bob-jah love, mon.
This is the secret to the Leguminati faction: SubGenius
Rastafari understand that through LOVE, we HATE. Through
HATE comes SALVATION. Through SALVATION comes BOREDOM.
Through BOREDOM comes ENLIGHTENMENT. Through ENLIGHTENMENT
comes SPIRITUAL ORGASM. And, through that, we testify
to Dobbs that we are indeed saving the chosen from the
wickedness of Babylon

Walk proud, brothers and sisters.

Walk proud, indeed.

We all have a dream. It's up to you to make it a wet one.

Bob-jah love,

-st. andreux

-----------------------------------------------------
andreux@eterna.net || saint@prairienet.org
bob-jah love, mon. save de redhead from babylon
www.jehovahatesphred.com || www.prairienet.org/~saint

Back to document index

Original file name: In Praise of You-Know-Who Se - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:32