HueyBot 3: Old Man God Owes Me A Break

Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2001 05:22:48 GMT

Old Man God (Owes Me A Break)
© 2000 HellPope Huey

(.... with the music that only *I* can presently hear. Just think
washtub slap-bass, barroom tack piano and Brian Setzer/Stray Cats)

They say that I am bitchy and I need to take a break
They just don't know how looong I been surfin' on my face
I was the toast of the town, I moved my ass around
I was excellin' at kickin', I was king o' the kitchen
I banged Helen O' Troy, I was the golden boy
I kept their damn feet a-movin', I was mighty behoovin'

Everybody wants a chance to grab the golden ring
So it AIN'T a crowd who cares about the honorable thing
It can be a crappy job to try to do what's right
It ain't hard to lose yer way in the dead o' th' night
My CPU is funky but at least I'm not a fake
Old Man God owes me a break

Everybody's actin' like I polished Hitler's shoes
So I BIT the wax tadpole, we all play the fool
Like YOU'RE so damned ginchy and never missed The Mark
Or stepped on a Lego barefoot in the dark
How many lashes do you think I can take?
Old Man God owes me a break

Amalgamated foolishness a-whirlin' in my head
Their talkin' seems fuzzy, I forget what they said
My last bit o' focus becomes a burst o' drums
There are lotsa worse fates, you may be livin' one
Nobody knows how many legs "Bob" has
and none of them are countin' when they're swingin' to the Jaz

Short on patience and long in the tooth
Prob'ly blow a gasket if you knew the real truth
The outcome's a lock, though the verdict's in doubt
Bigger inside than I am on the outs
My crownin' salvation, the dance that I led
are the words and the music burnin' rubber in my head

M'neurons are poppin', a cavalcade of "thrills"
Like when Wil E. Coyote ate them earthquake pills
Its a big waste o' time to worry it to death
You should be workin' on yer CHARACTER and not your breath
Hell's drinks are lousy but the bands are great
Old Man God owes me a break

When I find myself in tears with no place to put 'em,
Jerry Lee & Little Richard whisper in my ear
"You got to generate a lotta heat to burn the crap away"
No-body but yer honey wants to hear about yer day
Your words'll go fuzzy, they'll forget what you say
But they'll all snap to when you sit down to play

Old Man God owes me a break
Shake it off Pappy, they're sayin' you're a flake
Even poor Job finally hit a breakin' point
Whip out the burnin' bush and light up m'joints
I'm starin' down the business end o' rollin' high stakes
Old Man God owes me a break

Yeah, Old Man God owes me a break
They claim He don't give you more than you can take
Well I'm really way too wise in the ways of the weird
To swallow that crap and go to strokin' my beard
Don't hand me no hamster and call it a steak
Old Man God owes me a break

Satori can change in the blink of an eye
Lightning can come out of a clear blue sky
Everything you knew can stand right on its head
What you thought was rust can turn to gold instead
So don't stop yer scannin' 'cause its never too late
Old Man God owes me a break

Lick my snazzy couplets, baby!
Lord, I could sure use a BIG ol' Band-Aid about now

<<BIG TOM WAITS-LIKE VOICEOVER: Now I don't wanna sound TOO
unappreciative, I know I coulda wound up with my A-frame wrapped around
a bad case of scoleosis, been beaten by big black coathangers wielded by
Bing Crosby or been born a one-eyed, one-legged black lesbian in Somalia
where the price of a good night's hum is a slice of aged pork without so
many flies on it later. It just gets hard trying to hold on as hard as
you can so as to keep from being thrown to the wolves when the last guy
who grabbed at the golden ring left an unsightly trace of his disquiet
on the damned thing and reverse-graced me with a truly grisly case of
bodacious ingracious Mac-9-round-the-corner-de/infestation of the
fine-tuning gland as payback for my daring yet precarious leap over the
turnstile of Take Yore Chance, ya quivering quagmire of crossed wires,
publish or die or publish AND die but just LAY there and you'll die for
SURE *ANY*way, can I get an AMEN?! PRAAAIISE "Bob!">>>

HellPope Huey.,
The H.P. Lovecraft of Humorists
hellpopehuey@subgenius.com

"Great zombie Jesus, that's HUGE!"
- 'Futurama'

"..with a family, we feel affection.
We don't merely imitate affection."
- Roger Rosenblatt, "The Man In The Water"

There once was a HellPope mired in the South
whose teeth wore the scars of the storms from his mouth
Those who get twitchy when they feel such a breeze
Must surely write poems just as rotten as these
LOOK A BOT THAT CRAPS IN YER SHOE WHAT WONT THEY THINK OF
NEXT????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????

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Original file name: HueyBot 3 Old Man God Owes Me - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:32