Subject: I Must Rant For a Moment.

From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 10:40 AM
Message-ID: <38FC73D5.3A74@subgenius.com>

I have a young friend who comes to me all the time for advice, and I
gladly play the village wise man and give it to her, mostly because I
like watching her d-cups jiggle.

Lately she's been coming to me asking why men keep screwing her over.

She believes in ASTROLOGY.

This chick actually judges people by their astrological signs.

"I'm looking for a Leo, I've always wanted to fuck a Leo, Scorpios are
all assholes, and Geminis are all freaky and moody."

The very idea that everyone born during a certain four-week span of the
year all possess the same personality traits is SO INCREDIBLY RIDICULOUS
that it ASTOUNDS me that this otherwise intelligent person puts so much
credence in it.

It's like saying, "All men who wear size 9 shoes are good fathers", or
"All women from Idaho are sluts".

I had a good long talk with her yesterday, and I explained her problem;
"Your truths are NOT".

I went into exquisite detail about her problem, and how she's been
deceived by her parents, society, and superstition. She sat there,
agreeing with it all, and asked me to help her.

Then this morning she called me, gushing over some guy she met in a bar,
and how he was a Leo, and how she thinks she'd like to start a serious
relationship with him because of her strong feelings and the fact that
she's been looking for a Leo. Of course, she had sex with him
immediately.

Never mind that she doesn't even really KNOW the guy, or that she's been
in this EXACT SAME SCENARIO a HALF-DOZEN times this year, she just keeps
setting herself up to be screwed over by barflies, and coming crying to
me for advice when they do.

Today I told her not to bother calling me anymore. I told her that the
time I spend giving her advice would be better spent doing card tricks
for a dog.

She didn't understand that concept at all.

In this girl, I see the ultimate doom for the human race.

This planet is PACKED with people. SIX FUCKING BILLION OF US. And
technological advances have made such progress that we've defeated
natural selection. Because of this, STUPID PEOPLE have managed to
THRIVE, instead of dying in the forest like nature intended. A great
SubGenius sage once said, "You know how intelligent the average person
is? By definition HALF of them are even dumber than THAT".

STUPID PEOPLE ARE EATING OUR FOOD, BREATHING OUR AIR, AND FOULING OUR
GENE POOL.

I can only hope that at some point in the future, we can resolve this
problem in a way that would be beneficial to those of us who aren't
plagued with the stupidity defect. I long for the day I can look out my
car window and see that fateful billboard that reads,

"SOYLENT GREEN IS STUPID PEOPLE".
--
Dr. K."Cortez" Legume

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Subject: Re: I Must Rant For a Moment.
From: König PrüB, GmbH <saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 1:35 PM
Message-ID: <sfp77f2m7l586@corp.supernews.com>

Legume escrivened:

>I have a young friend who comes to me all the time for advice, and I
>gladly play the village wise man and give it to her, mostly because I
>like watching her d-cups jiggle.
>
>Lately she's been coming to me asking why men keep screwing her over.
>
>She believes in ASTROLOGY.
>
>This chick actually judges people by their astrological signs.
>
>"I'm looking for a Leo, I've always wanted to fuck a Leo, Scorpios are
>all assholes, and Geminis are all freaky and moody."
>
>The very idea that everyone born during a certain four-week span of the
>year all possess the same personality traits is SO INCREDIBLY RIDICULOUS
>that it ASTOUNDS me that this otherwise intelligent person puts so much
>credence in it.
>
>It's like saying, "All men who wear size 9 shoes are good fathers", or
>"All women from Idaho are sluts".
>
>I had a good long talk with her yesterday, and I explained her problem;
>"Your truths are NOT".
>
>I went into exquisite detail about her problem, and how she's been
>deceived by her parents, society, and superstition. She sat there,
>agreeing with it all, and asked me to help her.
>
>Then this morning she called me, gushing over some guy she met in a bar,
>and how he was a Leo, and how she thinks she'd like to start a serious
>relationship with him because of her strong feelings and the fact that
>she's been looking for a Leo. Of course, she had sex with him
>immediately.
>
>Never mind that she doesn't even really KNOW the guy, or that she's been
>in this EXACT SAME SCENARIO a HALF-DOZEN times this year, she just keeps
>setting herself up to be screwed over by barflies, and coming crying to
>me for advice when they do.
>
>Today I told her not to bother calling me anymore. I told her that the
>time I spend giving her advice would be better spent doing card tricks
>for a dog.
>
>She didn't understand that concept at all.
>
>In this girl, I see the ultimate doom for the human race.
>
>This planet is PACKED with people. SIX FUCKING BILLION OF US. And
>technological advances have made such progress that we've defeated
>natural selection. Because of this, STUPID PEOPLE have managed to
>THRIVE, instead of dying in the forest like nature intended. A great
>SubGenius sage once said, "You know how intelligent the average person
>is? By definition HALF of them are even dumber than THAT".
>
>STUPID PEOPLE ARE EATING OUR FOOD, BREATHING OUR AIR, AND FOULING OUR
>GENE POOL.
>
>I can only hope that at some point in the future, we can resolve this
>problem in a way that would be beneficial to those of us who aren't
>plagued with the stupidity defect. I long for the day I can look out my
>car window and see that fateful billboard that reads,
>
>"SOYLENT GREEN IS STUPID PEOPLE".
>--
>Dr. K."Cortez" Legume

Brings to mind a few items:
There was a nooz bit within the last couple of days about
human tissue harvesting, that people are worth $220,000
or more in spare parts...so, how long before there is a bootleg
chop-shop business? This was done in Nicaragua for a while.

Astrology and religion, they are kind of parallel cognitive analog
token systems, they look funny from the outside, and I laff at them,
and am not comfortable consorting with that kind of craziness,
it does seem to be the basis of a lot of popular belief.
Even "science" is like that, trying to get closer to the truth through
successive approximation, while a lot of the systems, like astrology
and religion, seem to assume a "truth" that works in a closed system.
I like that line, "There is more in heaven and earth, Horatio, than is contained
in thy philosophy." I'm OK with that, but a lot of people need a system that
covers everything to avoid the feeling of strangeness and the unpleasant
sensation of uncertainty. Damn me for situational ethics, I think that it was
Hume who said that all philosophy is mere rationalization for doing what one
wants to do anyway.

Zen and motorcycle mechanics might work for some people,
but I wouldn't apply astrology to bike repair. I want piston rings
.030 overbore, not Aries with Jupiter in trine! In a world of chaos,
people clutch at straws, while other people would rather eat
Strawberry Shortcake.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Must Rant For a Moment.
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 3:21 PM
Message-ID: <38FCB5D6.D74@subgenius.com>

König, PrüB, GmbH wrote:
> Brings to mind a few items:
> There was a nooz bit within the last couple of days about
> human tissue harvesting, that people are worth $220,000
> or more in spare parts...so, how long before there is a bootleg
> chop-shop business? This was done in Nicaragua for a while.

"It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's Fritters"
>
> Astrology and religion, they are kind of parallel cognitive analog
> token systems, they look funny from the outside, and I laff at them,
> and am not comfortable consorting with that kind of craziness,
> it does seem to be the basis of a lot of popular belief.

Worst of all, this dizzy cooze believes EVERY horoscope she reads,
whether from a 99 cent supermarket Horoscope guide, or some stupid new
age website.

I'm tempted to set up a Horoscope site that has a Horoscope for her that
reads "You will enter into prostitution and give all your money to a
giant bald SubGenius Preacher".

> I'm OK with that, but a lot of people need a system that
> covers everything to avoid the feeling of strangeness and the unpleasant
> sensation of uncertainty.

Buy a fucking night light.

> In a world of chaos,
> people clutch at straws, while other people would rather eat
> Strawberry Shortcake.

King, I want you to spraypaint that on my gravestone in bright red
paint.

--
Dr. K."Cortez" Legume

"My energies are much better spent teaching people to
eat pork than teaching pigs to be civilized."

Subject: Re: I Must Rant For a Moment.
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 4:21 PM
Message-ID: <38FCC3B7.67DA@succeeds.com>

Legume wrote:
>
> I have a young friend who comes to me all the time for advice, and I
> gladly play the village wise man and give it to her, mostly because I
> like watching her d-cups jiggle.
>
> Lately she's been coming to me asking why men keep screwing her over.
>
> She believes in ASTROLOGY.
>

Two interesting bits:

1) The FBI has noted that women who were molested as children
have a 220% higher rate of sexual abuse as adults.

2) While gathering profiles on serial killers, the FBI has
discovered only one trait that they often, if not universally,
have in common. This was best described by a serial killer
during an interview, thought even he was at a loss to explain
it. It was not a profile of the killer, but a profile of
one of his victims (this is not verbatim):

"I was driving all day and arrived in a city I had never been
in before. I was hot and tired and all I wanted to do was get
a bite to eat and find a motel room where I could crash.
I was walking down a sidewalk next to a busy, four-lane
highway when X saw me from across the street. I had never
seen them before in my life, but they ran across the street
and GOT IN MY FACE like we were old friends.
They wanted to buy me dinner, or take me somewhere for a
drink or even coffee. Talk, talk, talk. Just leave me alone
will ya? I'm tired.
But they wouldn't stop. They just kept pestering me with
whatever."

"Let me tell you. It was a positive relief to kill them."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Must Rant For a Moment.
From: "?!" <schabe@daedgniklaw.ten>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 18, 2000 9:46 PM
Message-ID: <38fd1014$0$42499@news.citilink.com>

Legume <legume@subgenius.com> wrote in message
news:38FC73D5.3A74@subgenius.com...

See, you could've ended the story right there -- the fact that she believes
in astrology or tarot or petomancy or whatever is meaningless. Everybody
has faulty belief systems, because any structured belief system you *can*
have is, by virtue of the fact that you are capable of believing it, false.
What you have here is a young woman who asked you why men abuse her trust,
NOT because she wanted help with her situation, but because she wanted
attention. She wasn't asking for advice, she was *bragging*. Not hearty,
healthy SubGenius bragging mind you, but sick, mewling Pink Female bragging.
"Look at me! I'm helpless and adrift in the world! I'm foolish and easily
taken advantage of! I'm a gullible fucking cow! Look at my tits!" Another
sorry, self-victimized damage magnet parading her impaired judgement like a
red-assed macacque on Animal Planet.

Never give personal advice -- unless it's purely for your own amusement.
People don't want somebody else to help them become free-thinking,
independent people. People don't want solutions to their problems,
especially if it might mean changing their behavior. They *might* want
somebody to do all their thinking for them -- a job you're better off
turning down. Trading all your slack for the privilege of steering a Pink
Brain around for awhile is a crap deal at best, and not as much fun as it
sounds.

--
schabe "ill-advised" @walkingdead.net
http://walkingdead.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: I Must Rant For a Moment.
From: onan@subgenius.com (Onan Canobite)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: onan@subgenius.com
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 12:23 PM
Message-ID: <slrn8frnnf.lkr.onan@shell1.aracnet.com>

Legume <legume@subgenius.com>:

> This planet is PACKED with people. SIX FUCKING BILLION OF US. And
> technological advances have made such progress that we've defeated
> natural selection.

Time for some UNnatural selection - selection by and for the unnaturals.

> STUPID PEOPLE ARE EATING OUR FOOD, BREATHING OUR AIR, AND FOULING OUR
> GENE POOL.

They're also digging our ditches, flipping our burgers and shining our
shoes.

I think these two statements reveal that there is a path inclusive of
both Ivangelicals and Holocostals - that the humans can be used for
slaves AND sport. My name for this remains "The Church of the
SubGenius" although I salute those Ivangelicals and Holocostals who have
expounded (with material hammers) the fine theological points necessary
to build up our movement.

- O.

--
Rev. Dr. Onan Canobite <onan@subgenius.com> http://www.subgenius.com/
Call Onan's Voice Mail Toll-Free 1-877-324-6289 (member 503-900-122)
Send $30 unto The SubGenius Foundation Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 USA

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